I think I'm finally done processing Peace's birth.This sounds weird because I had an amazingly wonderful birth with Peace, yet I needed to process it. I talked about it with anybody who would listen. I talked about it a lot. I thought I had done everything I could to prepare for the birth, and it was harder than I expected. It made me feel kind of like a failure, you know? Blah. Blah. Blah.
But then, during Birth Video Night this past Sunday where I screened Peace's birth for the first time, I realized that I am finally done processing it. For good. I don't need to talk about it anymore. I can't remember how hard it was anymore. I can't remember the difficult time I had in dealing with it afterward. I can't remember anything but how lovely it was and how awesome and wonderful birth is altogether.
And as I was watching my birth video of Peace with my peeps, I realized that I made birth look kind of easy and wonderful. It wasn't like how I had lived it in my head. My friend said something like, "I was expecting something totally different by the way you described it. That was amazing."
I guess that's how birth is.
(This is my blog version of my birth. Despite all that I expose here, you all don't need to see me naked.)
Anyway, all this talk of processing birth got me to wondering how other women process their births. I mean, by all accounts, I did have a perfectly wonderful, natural waterbirth in the comfort of my own home. What about women who don't have an uncomplicated birth?
What about women who equate their births with being raped?
What if you had a doctor who performed vaginal exams without your permission? Or a doctor who genitally mutilated your body in the form of an episiotomy? In any other circumstance in the history of the world, these would be criteria for rape. But in a hospital? What the hell do we consider that? (And by "we", I mean everybody else, because I know what I still consider it.)
There is a loss of control, a loss of power, and a loss of a good birth experience. And that all needs to be addressed. That needs to be processed.
Unfortunately, I don't think that most women are able to talk about the events of birth like I am able to with my friends. I mean, my peeps and I get together to watch birth videos like most people watch sporting events. We clap. We cheer. We share in the experience. We process things together.
I wish every woman had that. Every woman deserves that.