I hate it when I complain. I really don't like it when I get like that. I think part of my problem is that I have such high ideals, expectations... especially of myself.
We all know that I got my period back on July 6, so, theoretically, I should not be having PMS right now, and I really should have been downright pleasant two days ago because that's when I *should have* been ovulating (and I'm always pleasant when I'm ovulating). But I don't know what the hell my cycle is doing right now anyway because I have seen no signs or signals of ovulation. And no, I'm not pregnant, because we haven't even had sex since I've gotten my period BECAUSE I'm trying to figure my cycle out (which should give Vernon himself a reason to write his own It's Not Fair... column, right?).
I remember starting this blog, the first post I wrote was about Losing Myself... and now I feel like I'm there again. (A little bit. On certain days.)
So, I'm still trying to figure everything out, but here are some things I think I can do that might help get me back on track:
1) Exercise more. I have actually been kind of consciously avoiding exercise because my body burns a lot of calories when I'm breastfeeding, and I didn't want to burn any more and put it in starvation mode. And I actually kind of like to exercise (except for when I don't). But if I were to exercise, I would have to eat a lot more protein, and I'm already not getting enough as it is. Which brings me to my second point...
2) Eat more protein. And, also, just eat better in general ALL THE TIME. I've noticed that I feel worse on days after a potluck (at a Mom's Night Out or a Blessingway or whatever have you)... and I think the reason for this is because, like with all of a sudden being sensitive to artificial scents, I have also become sensitive to food chemicals, additives, refined sugar, etc. This sensitivity seems to have occurred since I've been "living clean" as opposed to 15 years ago when I was living off of Pizza Rolls, french fries, and going into Bed, Bath, and Beyond just to smother my hands with all their lotion samples.
3) Read the Bible.
4) Set goals.
5) Get laid.
There. That's all I've got.
The thing is, I don't really feel like doing any of them.
And, as a side note because I don't know where else this fits in: I think that I've been fooling myself in thinking that this move is not affecting my emotional well being in some way. I mean, I'll be moving away from some of the best friends that I've ever had. How can that NOT affect me?
Also, as another side note: Vernon really is a wonderful husband and he's been really nice to me today.