I have a secret to tell you: I always feel a little bit weird on my birthday. You all know how I really like to celebrate my birthday and everything, but part of me just wants to curl up inside myself and sit there for the day. I just get really reflective on my birthday (I mean, much more so than my usual level of reflectiveness). And I just feel... weird. I don't know how else to describe it. And I get that feeling every year.
I feel kind of quiet and within myself, like how I am when I'm in labor. Maybe I'm feeling like I'm getting ready to give birth to a new year for myself (if that makes any sense). I don't know.
I used to have problems with my birthday living up to my expectations. (You know, because I take my birthday so seriously and I love it so much that I just want everything to go so perfectly.) But, over the past several years, I've taken control of my birthday and I organize it so that it meets my expectations (and if it doesn't, then I am the only one to blame).
The formula looks basically like this:
1) Go out alone for a couple of hours and enjoy my free birthday drink from Caribou Coffee (a spicy hot chocolate).
2) Go rollerskating with my family.
3) Have Vernon make me a cake.
It's a winning formula and a wonderful tradition. (See here, here, and here.)
But I'm trying to let go of my expectations altogether. I'm working on it, anyway. Like, when I was opening presents today, Ezra wanted to hand out the presents as he chose, but Ocean wanted to save her present for one of the last ones, which made him upset so he went pouting off to his room. So, instead of getting upset and yelling, "Knock it off, Ezra. It's my birthday," I let go of expectations, and just thought that in my head. And eventually he came out of his room and stopped pouting, and all was well.
So, anyway, here is my birthday:
After a breakfast of blueberry walnut pancakes, my solo trip to Caribou, and then a family trip to church, I opened up my presents. I got this card from Ocean:
Then we ate my birthday cake for lunch:
It was an ice cream cake with brownie layers and a cream cheese frosting:
This is us on our way to the rollerskating rink:
And this is us at the rollerskating rink. I look like Slouchy McSloucherton here:
I had a Groupon and it included a free pizza from the rollerskating place (Cheap Skate in Coon Rapids, MN), so here Peace is eating the pizza:
And this is me and Vernon. He is making that face on purpose (don't ask me why):
And this is just an extraneous picture, featuring my bangs, because I know you are all interested in that:
So, yeah, I am kind of inside myself most of the day. But there are moments, like when I am rollerskating around the rink, holding Peace's hand, and Mumford and Sons "I Will Wait" is playing, and Ocean and Vern are practicing rollerskating backwards in the center of the rink, and Ezra is racing around on his rollerblades and has gotten quite good... there are moments like these when the world will stop and I'll notice it all and think about how amazingly awesome it is to be here, in my life.
It's a good place to be.