Psychic Reflections

I was thinking a bit about my conversation with the psychic the other day, and I really get the feeling (because I have psychic feelings too, right?) that she wasn't seeing very far into my future. I mean, other than the fact she said I was going to have a son with brown hair and brown eyes sometime in my lifetime, I think she pretty much only got a sense for how things would be no more than a year from now.

Like, with the "where should we live" thing, I think she sensed Florida because that is where we will be moving when Vern does his chiro training there. And with my "life's purpose thing", I think she pretty much just sensed things that I am doing now.

So, she did a good job at reading where I am at now, but I didn't really feel like I got a lot of information about the future. And I'm not entirely sure what I was hoping to get from the session in the first place. I am certainly all about making our own choices and own decisions (and I know I don't need a psychic to do so)... but I just felt like we needed a little guidance, especially with the location thing.

I'm going to stop thinking about that now though, and just let things evolve as they will. Seriously, people, I have been thinking about this for YEARS (just ask my friends, they are sick of it, I'm sure). Where should we live? What kind of community should we live in? What size? What part of the country? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Enough already. This move is over a year away, and I don't need to be a horse chomping to get out of the gates or feel like I'm behind (her words, again, reflecting what I am feeling now), because I'm not behind. Life will work itself out, as it always does. Life has never NOT worked itself out... not once... ever.

And I will still be just Allison, Goofy Mama, sitting in a chair, drinking a cup of tea... no matter where I am.

For Now

I had a moment of clarity today:

I was thinking about the old ladies who come up to me when I'm holding a baby (this happens often) and how they will tell me to enjoy my kids when they're young because they grow up so fast.

So, it dawned on me today, that, yes, I should enjoy my children while they are young. This should be my life's purpose, at this point in time. I want it to be.

Oftentimes I will sit here wondering what I should be doing with my life, and what will I do with my life after my children are grown and I'm left with an empty nest.

But it occurred to me today (fully) that I don't have to be wondering about that stuff now. I realized that, when my kids are grown, I'm not going to be sitting here thinking, "Now what?"

Because that is not me. I have never been the type to let my kids define who I am (Your children are not your children, they are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself), but an important part of who I am created to be (for them, through them, and with them).

Instead, I will be saying, "What now?"

But, for now, my children are young. Those old ladies are right: this is really such a short phase in my life as a person, as a mother. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy them. I'm going to enjoy every part of them and focus completely on my life within this family (and by "completely", I mean with balance to my life as an individual as well, because that is important).

Everything else can wait. I want it to wait.

For now.