(Note: I actually wrote this article awhile ago in my former blog, back when my son was an infant. I felt like talking about circumcision on the soapbox today, but I'm lazy so I'm just going to use what I wrote before. My views haven't changed, so the information is all still relevant.)
Originally Titled: Let Our Boys Enjoy Blow Jobs
I recently came across this amazing blog on circumcision. It is super awesome and informative and easy to read.
I totally don't understand why parents circumcise their baby boys. It is so cruel and pointless. Why don't parents get informed? I don't get it.
These uninformed parents say, "Oh, they'll never remember it." Well, I could smack the hell out of my boy right now and say that he'll never remember it but that doesn't make it right. It seems unimaginable to even think of circumcising an adult male, so why don't some people even flinch when they think of doing it to a baby?
These uninformed parents say, "We want him to be like his dad." Well, kids don't always have the same eye color as their dad. They don't always have the same hair color. Why do they care if their penises are the same? And when would a father and child sit around comparing the similarities of their penises? I never, not once, compared my vagina to my mother's.
These uninformed parents say, "The other kids will tease him in the locker room." Well, since more and more parents are getting informed and are rightfully choosing NOT to circumcise their babies (with the statistics being around 50/50 on the coasts and around 75/25 in favor of circumcision in the midwest), not everybody is circumcised anymore anyway. And, if I were a guy and somebody was teasing me about my penis in the locker room, I would simply say, "Why the hell are you looking at my penis anyway, Nowaski?" (I would call them by their last name because it's cool to call somebody by their last name when you're in high school.)
These uninformed parents say, "It is more hygenic." Well, no. It's not. Do your research.
So, let's let our boys enjoy their blow jobs as much as they possibly can. Sure, circumcised men enjoy blow jobs just fine, but I'm sure they don't know what they're missing. It's like being born color blind... everything looks great in black and white, but you have no idea how wonderful it would look in color.
So, there. That's my soapbox. I'll step down now.
I recently came across this amazing blog on circumcision. It is super awesome and informative and easy to read.
I totally don't understand why parents circumcise their baby boys. It is so cruel and pointless. Why don't parents get informed? I don't get it.
These uninformed parents say, "Oh, they'll never remember it." Well, I could smack the hell out of my boy right now and say that he'll never remember it but that doesn't make it right. It seems unimaginable to even think of circumcising an adult male, so why don't some people even flinch when they think of doing it to a baby?
These uninformed parents say, "We want him to be like his dad." Well, kids don't always have the same eye color as their dad. They don't always have the same hair color. Why do they care if their penises are the same? And when would a father and child sit around comparing the similarities of their penises? I never, not once, compared my vagina to my mother's.
These uninformed parents say, "The other kids will tease him in the locker room." Well, since more and more parents are getting informed and are rightfully choosing NOT to circumcise their babies (with the statistics being around 50/50 on the coasts and around 75/25 in favor of circumcision in the midwest), not everybody is circumcised anymore anyway. And, if I were a guy and somebody was teasing me about my penis in the locker room, I would simply say, "Why the hell are you looking at my penis anyway, Nowaski?" (I would call them by their last name because it's cool to call somebody by their last name when you're in high school.)
These uninformed parents say, "It is more hygenic." Well, no. It's not. Do your research.
So, let's let our boys enjoy their blow jobs as much as they possibly can. Sure, circumcised men enjoy blow jobs just fine, but I'm sure they don't know what they're missing. It's like being born color blind... everything looks great in black and white, but you have no idea how wonderful it would look in color.
So, there. That's my soapbox. I'll step down now.
18 comments:
my new nephew is undergoing circumcision as i write this. he is boy number four for them, all "needing" to be circumcised, and no amount of information could convince them otherwise. i just had to keep my mouth shut :/
I've discussed this before with Goofy Mama, so I will summarize my points.
1. I am a reasonable, educated person, open to information. Everyone is welcome to a soapbox, but it's unfair to claim there's only one way to look at this. And it's okay to disagree, or to consider it "not a huge deal". This is not life and death, people.
2. There is much debate on the health pros/cons of circumcision, and I'd distrust any view that is too dogmatic on that front.
3. As a circumcised male, I dispute the claim of psychological damage.
4. As a former football player, I can't dismiss the locker room effect so easily. There will be awkwardness, period.
5. As a man, I also can't dismiss the potential awkwardness with a future lover who is unaware. Say all you want about how popular it is to forego circumcision, but the fact is that I've seen only a couple guys in my entire life who "kept it". Circumcised blow jobs are great anyway. And yes, I am color blind as well. It's not a big deal.
6. As one who has a master's degree in theology and a practicing Catholic, I can't dismiss circumcision's importance as an ancient custom to be respected. It was a sign of an eternal covenant, and there may be spiritual or communal benefits that can't be measured empirically. If you think that's all superstition, fair enough. But if you are a religious person in the Judeo-Christian mold, I'd think twice before saying "there's no point" to circumcision.
7. As the husband of a Jewish woman, it is even more important to me to be respectful of a symbol that set apart a people. We might disagree, but we shouldn't ridicule. It would be like someone ridiculing baptism as a psychologically damaging ritual -- how dare we pour water on a baby's head!
8. In summary, there's just more to circumcision than cutting off a piece of skin. If you want to live in a world without rituals and symbols and social norms, good luck. Throw out your Christmas tree, stop wearing pants, and name your boy "Harry Dick". But for a lot of us out there, symbols and social norms matter.
Peace, RJL
I am a Jewish woman, and I find circumcision barbaric. I don't think being respectful of someone's faith or culture needs to include making permanent body-changing choices for your son that he has no say in.
In some places, they practice routine circumcision of girls. Americans view this is atrocious and, I believe, it's illegal here. The people who cut baby girls use all the same justifications that we use for boys here, but for some reason, we can't see the connection.
The only slightly scientifically-supported health benefit I've EVER heard for circumcision is a reduced risk of HIV. However, an even better way to protect your son from HIV is to TEACH HIM TO USE A CONDOM which you should do anyway. Or, when he hits puberty, explain the possible risk to him and let him decide. When he's 11, I'm sure they can put him under general anesthesia and make the whole procedure less traumatic than it is for an infant and it will be his own choice. In fact, you can use that solution for any argument. They are making fun of you in the locker room, son? If you really want to get snipped, we can do it. You are worried about what your future sexual partners will think? Ok, let's go see the doctor.
There is NO reason to do it to an infant. None. If he wants it later, fine. But let him have the right to make that decision for himself.
Incidentally, RJL, if, when she is 15, your daughter's breasts are small, will you take her out to get implants so she doesn't get teased in the locker room and so her future sexual partners will not be turned off? Will you take her to get a Brazilian wax to fit the social norms? (Because, yes, 15 year old girls are doing just that these days.)
RJL,
Would you circumcise your daughter? Why or why not? There are people in our world every day who cut their daughters and even sew their labia shut for all the (false) reasons you give---respecting tradition, it's good for their health, "it doesn't really hurt them," future sex life, "it looks weird otherwise," and "everyone else does it." It's just a little skin, right?
Symbols and social norms matter a great deal to those people, too.
Just curious.
RJL - you are certainly right on one accord -- the amputation of the prepuce is a LOT more than cutting off a little piece of skin...
Functions of the foreskin:
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html
BTW - not only does this rob a man of his birth right to a whole and optimally functioning body, but it also does major harm to WOMEN, or to his partner(s). (This is my particular area of expertise in the field of human sexuality).
Male circumcision & Women's Health research:
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/07/how-male-circumcision-impacts-women.html
First and foremost...it is NOT my penis. It never was my penis and it will never be my penis. It is NOT mine.
Second, babies born to Jewish mothers are Jewish.
Third, it is costemtic surgery on a ONE DAY OLD BABY. And not even for the baby, but because of our own limited understanding of the functions of the foreskin. And we think it looks "icky"...Have you ever actually seen an adult with an intact penis? Sexy as all getout.
Fourth, it really hurts. And then it gets urine (which contains ammonia) and fecal matter on it. And again, it pain is exquisit. Babies who don't cry are the ones in shock. Like a rape victim.
Fifth, and this is a big one...The head of the penis in an INTERNAL ORGAN!!!! WOW!! It is not supposed to be calloused. It is supposed to be moist and smooth and protected.
Sixth, why is it that our little American girls genitals are protected by the "law", but our little boys aren't? Why is it that if I were to preform a clitoridectomy (which by the way used to be preformed in America) I would immediately be arrested and make the news.
Seventh, the circumstraint board. Ever seen one? You take a baby, who up until yesteday has been in a fetal posistion, and strap his body down.
You strap your baby down, and he trusts you. This baby has picked you to be his parent and he completely trusts you to do no harm. And you let him be strapped down.
Eight, they crush your baby's perfect body. And not only that, but the most private of places. The most sexual of places. They crush and they cut and they peel.
Would you let me do that to you right now?
Nine, most of the world, and 50% of America (and this number goes up every year) is intact.
And ten, it is simply wrong. You should take home your whole baby.
It has been used to prevent and to cure 'nocturnal incontinence,' hysteria, epilepsy, and irritation that might 'give rise to erotic stimulation and, consequently, masturbation.' Cut it off to insure better health, greater capacity for labor, longer life, less nervousness, sickness, loss of time, and less doctor bills.' No wonder it became a popular remedy! And of course, let's not forget cancer and AIDS!
Obviously the wrong place to express a dissenting view. Interesting that all the responses were from women who have not been circumcised. And comparing it with female genital mutilation is, in my opinion, unfair.
I know I won't convince any of you, so I won't try. All I can say is, I am experiencing none of the disastrous effects that you seem to fear.
RJL,
As a wife of an intact male who grew up in central TN during a period when the circumcision rate was much higher, I can tell you that if you raise your son with an appreciation for the intact body and self-confidence there will be no period of "awkwardness". My husband was on the swim team and wrestling team in high school. He was also the naked guy you see at the college parties. He has never had anyone comment on his penis and if they did he would just laugh at them. He thoroughly enjoys his gliding mechanism during private time and can't imagine life without it. As a boy he always felt sorry for cirucmcised boys.
As for your discussion of the medical merits, it is currently against medical ethics to remove a part of the body unless a more conservative treatment has failed. You could find "potential" benefits to removing all body parts since things can go wrong with just about any body part. Thanks to modern medicine, we do not remove parts as good preventative medicine but as a last resort when other treatment has failed. Further, every square inch of a child's body (except the male foreskin) is protected from nontherapeautic or cosmetic removal until the child reachs a consenting age by law and bodily integrity is deemed as a human right in our nation's laws. Thus, circumcising boys is not only a violation of our age-of-consent and human rights laws, but it is also a gross violation of a little amendment in the constitution that states, "every person shall receive equal protection under the law". You can not even pin prick a baby girl's foreskin for a ritual muslim ceremony in our country, while baby boys can have what will become 20 square inches of erogenous, nerve-laiden tissue removed from their healthy genitals. I might add that I can point you to some studies that show a 50% reduction in HIV among circumcised women and other studies that provide potetial health benefits to circumcising women. We don't take these studies seriously b/c there is a more conservative way to prevent STD (condoms) and more conservative ways to achieve female genital health. Finally, I must point out that not one single medical organization in the entire world supports routine infant circumcision. All have made statements to the tune of, "the potential benefits can not outweight the risks and guaranteed consequences". This should be evidence enough of the preventative value of cicumcision.
Since I don't support female foreskin removal practiced by Islamic groups, I'd never support male foreskin removal practiced by the Jewish groups. Human rights always supercedes religion, race, gender, age, nationality, culture, etc. I'm not sure it is of any benefit to use the bible as a justification since the bible also tells us to sacrifice our children, stone our women and sacrifice animals. Our modern day morals tell us that practices/rituals which harm others and violate their bodily integrity can not be continued or accepted. I'm also sure that you wouldn't want to bank on the idea that circumcision is a mandate from God since it appears no-where in the first 500 years of the bible's existence and it only begins to pop up after the introduction of several groups who practiced blood rituals.
I like your blog....nice spins on various points. I find it sad that America is suppose to be a really well educated nation but we're still mutilating our babies. I know it'll change someday but until then I weep for those unlucky boys with parents who are uninformed. :/
Since RJL thinks only a circumcised male's opinion matters, here we go. I was circumcised as an infant. It was botched. As a young child, it was re-done and botched further. About a year after that, I had another surgery to cut a new meatus (pee hole) because of meatal stenosis which is caused exclusively by circumcision. Now in middle age, just a year and a half ago I had to have another "revision" because of remnant adhesions from the botch job that had become painful during sex.
Yes, even after all that, with the help of viagra, I'm still able to derive some enjoyment from sex. But I'm not foolish enough to believe that the sensation-less penis they left me with was "better" just because they liberated me of that evil foreskin. In their guts, most cut men know this but they just can't face it. That's why you will see the most defensive rationalizations and clinging to superstitious reasons like religion from other cut men like RJL. They got the short end of the stick, no pun intended, and they know it. When they insist on having their sons chopped up it's no different than the mothers who will hold their daughters down to be cut up in cultures practicing FGM.
Actually RJL, you have a penis but not a foreskin. So as a woman who has her clitoral hood, I have much more of a say on the matter than you (since this is the way you want to play the credos argument. I personally believe every human has a right to fight against sexual mutilation of infants).
Boys and girls have a right as human beings to be protected from this outdated, puritan practice. They have a right to choose what they want done to their body. No parent has a right to remove a healthy, functioning part of an infant's body for any of the commonly used excuses.
And you want a circumcised man's view? My husband is wearing a special device 6hrs a day, 7 days a week, in an attempt to restore some partial protection to his glans to prepare for his future.
Go look at your future...it seems that if you somehow missed out on the childhood perils of circumcision, you get to look forward to erectile dysfunction and a loss of sexual pleasure in your midlife.
~guggie
One reason that you see many women posting about keeping boys whole is that, unlike far too many men in our culture, we have gotten full enjoyment of our complete genitals, including our foreskins (the clitoral hood is the female prepuce). I certainly wouldn't want to lose any nerve endings and functional tissue from my genitals -- they work just fine as nature designed them to.
So I don't buy that men should have the final say on what happens to baby penises simply because they're circumcised. In fact, quite the opposite -- if your genitals aren't intact you have no basis for comparison for how an intact penis feels and functions and you have no unique insights.
I got to choose whether to undergo cosmetic genital surgery as an adult -- why shouldn't my son have that same choice, regardless of his gender?
Circumcised men are a lot more willing to circumcise their sons because the men simply don't know what they're missing (and it's often too painful to consider that sex might not be as good as it should be).
Fortunately, many circumcised men such as my husband who are happy enough with their penises the way they are are man enough not to insist that their babies be cut. I love my husband the way he is, although I wish he had had the choice about his own body. I love him even more for being willing to respect our son's physical integrity and protect our baby from unnecessary genital cutting. He is secure and confident enough to know that his parental bond with our son has nothing whatsoever to do with the similarities or differences between their genitals.
For a Jew, wouldn't circumcision have more meaning and symbolic value if it was the decision of a fully grown adult rather than something that someone else decides to do when you were too young to make the decision?
As a circumcised man, I felt it was only right to leave our my intact. My penis curves as a result of too much foreskin being amputated as a small baby, and I know that it is much too traumatic for any of my children to ever go through. If I was given the choice between genital surgery or no genital surgery as a baby, I would have chosen not to have it. My son doesn't have to as a result of my own parents lack of informed consent. I was handed back to my mother already circumcised.
I hope you are able to put down all of your defenses and look openly at what you are fighting for. And why you are fighting so hard for it.
Circumcision, as my wife likes to say, is a cure in search of a disease.
That first sentence should say my son intact.
@RJL, just because no one else has said it yet, circumcision is actually a matter of life and death for some babies in America. Over 200 boys die every year from complications of circumcision.
Not to mention the 1 in 3 rate of complications that fall short of actual death. You happen to be very lucky that you haven't had problems with yours, but many, many are not so lucky. (If you don't count the loss of erogenous tissue and keratinization of the glans as "problems" - guess its hard to tell the difference when you've never been able to experience the normal state.)
I am sure it is difficult for any cut man to think about the fact that as a helpless infant, he was strapped down in a very vulnerable position and had part of his genitals cut off without his consent. The mental image of it is horrifying; sadly, so many circumcised men are not able to have compassion for their own children. Victims often become victimizers.
I'm way late in the conversation, but this is a topic close to my heart. I have a circumsized husband and 4 non-circ'd boys. I didn't make the choice, I don't have a penis. I left that to my husband. With no education about it at all, he decided that he just didn't want his son to go through it. He wishes it hadn't been done to him, not that he remembers it or is traumatized, but he just wishes he had not lost that organ and all the great feelings he could have had.
So, we didn't circ them, despite my thought he should look like his dad and everyone else. My husband said that if someone looks at him in the looker room, all he has to do is loudly point out the guy is gay, and it will end fast, lol. So far, 3 of my sons are teens-adults, and they are very happy to be intact, totally comfortable in the locker room, even with some teasing, and wouldn't change a thing!
(not one of them has compared themselves to their dad over the years, either, strange, huh?)
My friends claim the "cleanliness" thing, and they just don't get it, it isn't any cleaner! I don't go through half as much as they do in the first weeks. I don't have any issues with keeping them clean. At some point as they take over their own cleanliness, they manage to get a little infected, and the pain makes them realize they better keep themselves clean! And the struggle to get them to shower is over, haha.
Now, I am very glad that I left this choice in my husband's hands, my boys thank him!
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