Last week, an anonymous poster left some really mean-spirited comments on my blog. (Thanks for sticking up for me, Rachael!). One was under the post Five Things, where she wrote:
I think it's interesting that you spend your entire pregnancy trying to do what's right for the baby, but then you decide to give birth at home because of the experience you want. Selfish, indeed.
You remind me of Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in "Away We Go." With your "unschooling" and "lotus birth" BS. That is not a compliment.
And the other was under the post Once Upon a Child:
You are amazingly judgmental. It's not funny. It's pathetic.
So, yeah. There it is.
I'm assuming the poster is not reading my blog anymore. I don't know why she would be... (although, apparently, she read enough of it in the first place to comment on two different posts made almost a month apart, as well as knowing that I'm an unschooler and have done lotus births.)
It is difficult to define where the line between passion, belief, and annoyance with the dichotomy of the human culture ends and judgment begins. Within the world of birth and parenting, it is doubly hard.
When I say something like, "I think that, barring an emergency, home is the best place to give birth," I am not trying to be judgmental any more than when I say, "Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed Pizza is the absolutely BEST pizza you can get at Papa Murphy's."
That is just WHAT I THINK. It is WHAT I BELIEVE (in both cases).
My mind is extremely structured in this way, THAT'S WHAT THE PSYCHIC SAID!
Like, when I'm in Papa Murphy's watching everybody ordering pizzas that are NOT Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed, I don't say anything to them about their choices. I don't judge them. I don't try to make them feel bad about it. But, since I am so passionate about the Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed Pizza at Papa Murphy's, I will then come home and write about it on my blog.
Why aren't people getting offended by that?
Granted, I do admit that I might be judgmental about certain things... like the whole circumcision thing (I'm assuming the poster didn't see that one, or she really would have let me have it), and maybe the gallbladder/douche bag thing (although, I'm a bit hesitant to label that one as judgment... it can more accurately be attributed to the workings of my structured mind in that I saw the most logical solution to the problem, but then I was a prick about it because my mom didn't listen to my advice. It wasn't a good thing for me to be a prick, but it wasn't necessarily judgment either).
I don't know. Judgment can be tricky because that line can be so thin and/or confusing.
In closing, here is my advice which I have been giving to my husband every day since I've visited the psychic: "Remember... I am smart. I make good choices. You should listen to me."
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11 comments:
you are smart...and you do make good, No! actually WONDERFUL, choices. maybe that girl just felt threatened and/or inferior as the human psyche is indeed a fragile thing. you have a wonderful, loyal following. I say fiddle on this one gal.
Thank you for this. You are making the world a better place by standing on this SOAP box. You are smart, and keep on keepin' on for the betterment of the WORLD. PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR IT!!!
I think it's just a sign of how awesome you are that you have a hater/potstirrer/troll. She must think a lot of people are reading your blog and listening to the interesting things you have to say to bother posting nasty (and incredibly uninformed, as far as home birth goes, of course) things.
Look at those negative posts from the other direction: they are good and they mean GROWTH for your blog! Everything you say will not please everyone. Look at the comments on some of your favorite blogs and you will find more than one person trashing in the comment section. Take it as a compliment, don't take it personally. It means your blogging has been so interesting that close-minded person took enough time to read at least two entire posts! That is HUGE! It means that hundreds of open-minded people will read man more entire posts and enjoy them. :)
and I'm posting from a Windows computer this time...that's why it worked.
Hey, maybe you've attracted Amy Teuter! Naw. . . if it was Amy she'd have left her name because she needs the attention.
Your Troll is a product of willful ignorance, vengeance, or woundedness, none of which you can fix over the internets, and all of which she's responsible for handling herself. Don't worry about it. Buy a can of Troll Spray and delete, delete, delete.
That was one of your posts that I was subscribed the the comments and I was so OFFENDED when she wrote that about homebirth and unschooling. She's obviously very uninformed and it makes her feel better about her own parenting/birthing/etc. skills to try and hurt your feelings. What was funny to me is that she is so obviously an idiot! I try to be pretty open minded about people's choices, but what irks me is that as soon as I tell someone I'm extended BFing, or unconditional parenting, or ECing or cloth diapering or any of the hundreds of other crunchy things we do - they get all insulting and critical. I always take it as them KNOWING my choices are the best (and most informed) choices and they feel like a bad person for not making it work in their house :) Just keep on moving on, if that person was decent she would've left a name. Can you tell from your sitemeter if it is someone you know? that's my favorite - when an "anonymous" person gets totally busted!
Anonymous mean comments are cowardly. It's alright to have a conflicting opinion. It is rude to lack the strength behind your convictions to leave your name if you choose to state them.
Keep giving your opinions and even your judgments, Goofy Mama. It's YOUR BLOG. You have never claimed to be some sort of impartial observer. You are living your own life and letting us see some of how it goes. If someone truly needs to state an opposing opinion, they are welcome to start their OWN blog and do so.
Racheal is right. It is others feeling that tinge of jealousy and also guilt for not making better choices themselves or not being informed of better choices. I know that feeling, I get it every once and a while towards an amazing woman I know. We have daughters close in age and I try to make educated decisions on how I parent my daughter but every once and a while there is a new technique, using cloth diapers for example ( I am a young mother and I did not even know these existed), that she uses, tries, etc.. and my first reaction is just that, jealousy, like I should known better or of made a better choice. I feel guilty that I did not do better by my daughter. BUT people should also know when to keep their rude comments to themselves. And so.. I think instead of being angry with that woman for saying such things I would pity her instead and feel sad that she feels such guilt or jealousy inside that she has to verbally lash out at you. I just recently stumbled upon your blog and have become slightly obsessed. I love reading what you have to say and you have given me new ideas to think about with my own child. :)
Allison,
Can you set this blog so it doesn't allow anonymous messages? If someone does not like what you have to say, then she/he does not have to read this blog. For those of us who agree and love it, rock on. I love your ideas and beliefs and how boring and ridiculous would a blog be if it never judged or took a stand on anything? I found it rather amusing that the person labeled your unschooling and lotus birth as "BS", then proceeded to call you "judgmental." Hmmmmm.
I think my house just burnt down and I can't find my cat, but I'm so glad that I have your awesome blog to read because I can't sleep. I love my home and my community and "my" wonderful mountain and it's all just burned down to nothing, but I'm smiling pretty hard about your pizza choices and all that freedom of judgment. I've been getting pretty serious about not judging as well, unless I see someone order a bland pizza of course. Thx Allison. Glad to have met you. I know you won't be here long, but I hope you enjoy this sweet community here in our mountains of Boulder nonetheless. ~ Cary (unschooler and homebirther) :o)
I bet that person is reading this blog still. How could she/he not? The person must have read alot and put some thought into what they said to you.
I think it takes gusto to put what you do out there. So freaking what if your human and have human moments where you call someone a douche-bag. I do that at least once a day, I think it a zillion more. Like every time I see someone driving a white Tahoe smoking butts in the car with their kid while wearing and Ed Hardy T-shirt and yabbering on their phone in the middle of a school zone... see we all have moments and I just had mine. =P
The person posted anonymously, meaning they are not willing to stand up to their claims or stand behind her/his opinions. The person was a coward. Troll coward, yeah.
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