The Playdate from Hell

Occasionally, I will step outside my little bubble of alternative culture and converse with the natives of mainstream America. It doesn't always go well.

The other day, my kids and I went to a one-on-one playdate with a mainstreamer, and it was kind of awkward. I mean, she is nice and everything, but our parenting styles are just so different that it makes everything weird.

She was very high-strung with her child and with mine, constantly telling them what to do and how to do it. Meanwhile, I was laid back and would have appreciated it if she would just let the children be instead of: moving my baby because she's worried that she'll hit a corner, telling my kids to say please before giving them food, and reprimanding Ezra for forgetting to flush the toilet.

I guess she's of the mindset that kids should be told what to do so that they will then know how to do it. Whereas, I'm of the mindset that kids can learn what to do on their own by how we model it for them. For example, kids can learn how to say please on their own. And it's much more rewarding when it comes from them saying it naturally instead of being instructed to do so. Ezra actually said please on his own accord before she said anything to him, but she still told him to say it because she wasn't even listening to him. He's, like, "But I already said it."

And how are children going to learn if they're constantly being told what to do? If she keeps telling her almost 3-year-old son, "You're going to poke yourself with that fork," chances are that he will poke himself with that fork. Whereas, I let my baby play with forks and she has never once poked herself with one... nor does she ram her head into corners when she's crawling around (and if I'm worried about her being in any danger of doing so, I can take care if it BECAUSE I'M SITTING RIGHT THERE!). There is great value in letting kids figure out how to do things by and for themselves. And if she does poke herself with a big fork or rams her head into a corner, big deal. She learned something.

I think that parenting style is one of the things that most easily bonds me to other people. If you co-sleep, breastfeed, use gentle discipline, wear your baby, treat your children with respect, and maybe even unschool, then we're probably kindred spirits. Bonus points if you eat organic, know what kombucha is, watch Big Love, and know the names to all of Wes Anderson movies.

I have the best, most wonderful group of mama friends where I am at right now. I don't know why I even attempted to float around in another realm. It really made me appreciate the friends that I do have sooooo much more. And it made me wonder if I will be able to find a group like this when we move this summer. Because, unfortunately, most parents are probably like Mrs-Shame-a-Child-When-He-Forgets-to-Flush and not like Aileen and Jen and Laura and Jen and Rebecca and Sally and Hayley and Karen and Kelly and Rebecca and Jenni and Sarah and Janine and Amy and Amy and Amy and Annik and Carrie and Chandra and Nic and Dana and Chris and Elizabeth and Gabby and Lisa and Maria and Olga and Terri and Lauren and Mariah and Barbara and Erica and Suzan and Jess and Erin and Maureen and Holly and Alyssa and Ruth and Alison and Kristin and everybody else here who I know and love so dearly.