Soapbox Sunday - Bedtimes

I am a big advocate of early bedtimes for children. Not only for my own personal sanity, but also because that is how the circadian rhythms of children operate best. You can read all about it in books like Sleepless in America and The No-Cry Sleep Solution (seriously, read those books: they're invaluable). Most sources say that kids do best when they fall asleep between 6:30-7:30 pm. That is right... between 6:30 and 7:30 pm. (Mine go to bed at 7:00 pm).

And then, generally, young kids/toddlers will sleep until around 6:30 in the morning (possibly earlier, if you're my son). Oftentimes, if a child is misbehaving or having difficulty managing emotions, it could be because they are missing sleep.

This might seem kind of ironic, given that I'm an unschooler (where one school of thought might be that children should be allowed to follow their body rhythms naturally and go to sleep when and where they feel like it), but I've always found that my children need to be parented to sleep (which Elizabeth Pantley talks a lot about in The No-Cry Sleep Solution). I enjoy the nighttime ritual of stories, quiet time, and putting lullabies on the CD player. It's one of the most relaxing parts of the day.

But then, by the teen years, their circadian rhythms change and they naturally start staying up later and, thus, should be allowed to sleep in later as well. This is why schools should have a later start time for teenagers. This was talked about in the book Nurture Shock, and it cited one school that pushed start time up an hour and how their test scores improved considerably because of this.

Okay. That's it.

Photo Friday - B.J. Palmer and Peace

This is a picture of my baby daughter, Peace, next to the ugliest shirt in the universe. My husband is a student of chiropractic. The founder of chiropractor is B.J. Palmer. Thus, he is wearing a shirt with a giant picture of B.J. Palmer's face on it. I can't stand it. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I look at it. And it's super ugly because, well, because it has a giant picture of a face on it. A shirt with a giant picture of a face on it, no matter whose face it is... whether it be Justin Timberlake (why did I just say Justin Timberlake? I have no idea), Jared Padalecki, or What's-His-Face from Twilight... ANY shirt with a giant face on it is going to be ugly and tacky. 

But doesn't Peace look cute?

Holiday Card for Mother

For some reason that I have yet to figure out, my mom trusts me with the task of creating holiday cards for her every year. I don't know why she does this, because, as I've mentioned here before, I am constantly doing things to mess with my mom (joining facebook for her, changing messages on her answering machine, changing the name on her e-mail account to Marsha Brady, etc.). So, why, dear readers, why does she trust me with creating holiday cards for her without even so much as asking for a proof beforehand? She secretly likes it, I imagine.

This year, I've included a bunch of wacky pictures of her that make her look like a borderline whack job, with a caption that reads: From all of us here in the Anita Anderson family.

Thinking Like Einstein

The story is told that Albert Einstein was once asked how many feet are in a mile. Einstein's reply was, "I don't know. Why should I fill my brain with facts I can find in two minutes in any standard reference book?"

This made me think of the homeschooling I'm doing with my kids. At first, when I went into this homeschooling thing, I was thinking, "I don't want to teach my kids what to learn. I want to teach them how to learn."

But now, I think I've gone a step beyond that. I don't want to teach my kids how to learn... I want to teach them how to think.

You know... like Einstein.

My Blog is All About Vaginas... Apparently

I have a site tracker on this blog that enables me to see what people type into search engines that will then show a link to this blog. Here are some of my favorites:

THINGS I'VE PUT IN MY VAGINA
WIFE HUMPING HUSBAND
STUFF UP THE VAGINA
"GET IT OUT OF ME" PUSH BABY
PUTTING THINGS INTO VAGINA
BABY'S PERINEUM
ORGASM SQUASH
GOOFY PEACE
WHY DO PEOPLE INSERT STUFF INTO THEIR VAGINA
CAN I PUT COCONUT OIL INTO MY VAGINA
LARRY WACHOWSKI
MY GOOFY VAG
PUT PENS IN MY VAGINA
I NEED TO POOP
YOU WANNA BONE

So... there you have it. I guess that pretty much sums up what this blog is all about. Enjoy.

(Okay, okay... I'll provide the back links for those of you who are new here. All the vagina things are due to the fact that I wrote this one post about my husband putting various things into my vagina to help treat an infection (although there is nothing in there about pens), the humping husband thing can be found here, the baby's perineum thing can be found here, Larry Wachowski is here, You Wanna Bone is here, orgasm squash is here, and the parts about "Get it out of me" and "I need to poop" can be found in Peace's birth story.)

Diaper Changing Technique

Here is a technique I have for changing the diaper on my very wiggly six-month-old:

I throw a blanket over her head, and then I quickly change her diaper while she tries to remove the blanket.

Soapbox Sunday - Papa Murphy's Pizza

Given the controversy surrounding the last two weeks of Soapbox Sunday, I've decided to tackle a lighter subject this week.

The best pizza in the entire world is Papa Murphy's Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed Pizza. Anyone who doesn't agree with me is an idiot. That's right. I said it. Send me e-mails if you want, but I stand behind my opinion: ANYBODY WHO DOES NOT THINK THAT PAPA MURPHY'S GRILLED CHICKEN AND BACON STUFFED PIZZA IS THE BEST PIZZA IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS AN IDIOT.

It's this deliciously succulent pizza filled with grilled chicken, onions, lots of cheese, a tantalizing creamy white sauce, topped by a second crust, bacon, and tomatoes. Oh, it is pure heaven.

We get this pizza three times a year when we watch our awards shows: The Golden Globes, The Oscars, and The Emmys. That is our tradition, and I love it.

I also had it as my first meal after giving birth to Ezra and Peace. This pizza has been there for me during some of the best moments of my life (those being, the birth of two of my children, and the watching of award shows).

I don't really know how I could even talk to someone who doesn't feel the same way about this as I do. I mean, what would we have in common? This (along with taste in movies and whether or not they laugh at the giant pumpkin head joke) is definitely a deciding factor in whether or not I will get along with a person.

There, I've said it. I'm glad I put this out there.

Soapbox... stepping down.

Photo Friday - Ezra Kisses Peace

Ezra goes in for a kiss. Peace holds the foot of Snowflake, the doll. (I think the name is Snowflake. Those kids have so many dolls, and I can't tell any of them apart.)

My Daughter, My TV

I think my daughter is forcing me to be a better person, but I am resisting it.

She's almost 7, so she has started to question some of the things that I do. For instance, some nights she will come out of her bedroom to get a drink of water right before bed, and she will catch me watching Big Love. And she'll say, "Mommy, we can't watch TV so you shouldn't watch it either."

Uh... yeah.

And if she ever found out about how I eat at Mom's Night Out events or at my mom's house over Christmas while she's fast asleep, I'm sure she'd be disappointed in me as well.

The thing is... I guess I want better for my children than I want for myself. It matters more to me that they are doing the best for themselves than what I am doing for myself. That's enviable of me, right?

Also, I think there is a different between adults watching television than children. Their little brains are still developing, and I have yet to see a study that says television is in any way beneficial to them. (For example, just look at Baby Einstein offering all those refunds.)

And another thing, kids just don't know how to value good television yet. I mean, being the entertainment aficionado that I am, I truly value what goes into making a good production along the likes Big Love, or Friday Night Lights, or Modern Family, or 30 Rock, or The Office, or Glee. A lot of people put in a lot of effort to put forth such good productions: good scripts, good actors, good directors, etc. I appreciate that. My kids don't. Not yet anyway. And until they can understand the subtle nuances in Bill Paxton's brilliant performance as polygamist Bill Henrickson in Big Love, I see no reason for them to watch the crap that most children ingest on a daily basis (you know who you are Dora, Barney, and whoever else).

And I guess the same could be said of junk food consumption. Since their little bodies are developing at a much faster rate than mine, non-nutritious food will affect them more than it affects me. Not that that makes it right for me to consume it. It doesn't. It makes me a hypocrite. But I do eat that way 5% of the time anyway (at Mom's Night Outs, restaurants, and over the holidays) because that's a balance for me, and I embrace that balance.

So, maybe, since I don't want to change myself yet, I should just be honest about this with my daughter instead of pretending to be something that I'm not. Maybe that's the answer.

I Stink

I just took a shower a couple of hours ago and I stink already. I don't know if it's the nursing hormones, the temperature changes in going from a warm indoor environment to a cold outdoor one, or the inability of my good all-natural deodorant to do anything productive. I shower much less than I should already, not that it matters any, apparently.

When I went to my mom's place over Christmas, I come in from the 3-1/2 hour car ride and basically the first thing that my mother says to me is that I stink and that I should go take a shower. And Vernon says the same thing. So, I go take a shower. After the shower, I put on one of my mother's shirts because her bathroom is right off her closet, and I don't feel like going downstairs to get a fresh shirt of my own out of our luggage.

At the end of the night, I change into my pajamas, and put the shirt I borrowed from my mom in her bedroom. And my mom comes up to me shortly after, like she's making some sort of public service announcement or something, and says, "You know, that shirt you borrowed from me smelled like BO already." And I'm like, "What do you want me to do, Mom? I JUST showered, like you asked me to." (You'd think my mother could learn how to hold a thought in her head without saying it at some point in her life... that would be nice.)

So, here I am again today, already stinking within a couple hours of taking a shower.

Sorry, world. Sorry.

How Children Learn

From Sandra Dodd, on unschooling:

The way adults tend to learn things is the way people best learn—by asking questions, looking things up, trying things out, and getting help when it's needed. That's the way pre-school kids learn too (maybe minus the looking things up), and it is the way "school-age" kids can/should learn as well. Learning is internal. Teachers are lovely assistants at best, and detrimental at worst. "Teaching" is just presentation of material. It doesn't create learning. Finding learning in play is like the sun coming out on a dank, dark day.

And here's a link to her article on playing.

Open

My hold for the book Open by Andre Agassi finally came through at the library the other day. I got the book, and I saw that I only had two weeks to read it because it was a new release. And, I was, like, "Frick. Now I have to read this book under pressure." Which I don't like. I don't like to have to read a book under pressure.

I mean, sure, I did just read Kathy Griffin's latest book (that's right, I read Kathy Griffin's  book, people. Whatever. It was awesome) in only two days, but I don't like going into something with some external pressure telling me what to do and when to do it (story of my life, right?).

So, I thought, maybe I won't even bother with Open. Too much trouble. I'll just read a page or two to determine that I'm not missing out on anything and then I'll return it.

I start reading it, and by the first page... literally, the first PARAGRAPH, I am hooked. It is freaking awesome, that's what it is. Agassi is a surprisingly amazing writer. I'm serious. It is really, really, really well-written. And it is really, really good.

I've been talking about the book all the time. To Vernon, when he's nervous about starting something new... "You know, Andre Agassi was really nervous the first time he went to the U.S. Open. He felt like he didn't fit in there, but look at him rule those courts now."

"Did you know Andre Agassi used to start things on fire as a way of dealing with stress?"

"Andre Agassi actually hated tennis, you know."

"I like these pancakes. You know what Andre Agassi liked? Crack."

"Hey, Andre Agassi's father made him hit 2,500 balls a day, 17,500 balls a week, which equals nearly one million balls a year. His father said that a child who hits one million balls each year will be unbeatable."

Pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth right now has something to do with Andre Agassi. (Except for the part about how it hurts when I pee after having sex.)

Here's some of his words that I particularly enjoyed (from page 7):

"One things I've learned in 29 years of playing tennis: Life will throw everything but the kitchen sink in your path, and then it will throw the kitchen sink. It's your job to avoid the obstacles. If you let them stop you or distract you, you're not doing your job, and failing to do your job will cause regrets that paralyze you more than a bad back."

Love it.

Soapbox Sunday - Circumcision, Part 2

Last week's soapbox on circumcision has become a little heated, so I'm going to devote another soapbox to acknowledge some of the comments.

First of all, I do think that circumcision is a huge deal, and it always surpirses me when people think otherwise. I mean, it's not like other parenting issues like whether you cloth diaper or not, whether you breastfeed or not, or whether you co-sleep or not (all of which I have an opinion on... but those are the types of issues that I would define as "not a huge deal".) Circumcision, however, is not that type of issue, in my book. Circumcision is just... wrong.

And, as one of the commenters replied, we cannot use the argument that (that the way circumcision is performed today) is a symbol of the eternal covenant among Jewish people because... "At that time it was a 'cutting of the blessing' - a very, very small slit made at the end of the penis to allow a few drops of blood to fall." That is a heck of a lot different with what is going on when circumcisions are performed today (go ahead, watch it, and tell me if that seems like "not a huge deal".) If Jewish people want to circumcise today, why not just do that small slit, like they used to? Wouldn't that be more in line with keeping with the ancient custom anyway?

And as far as all the comments being made from women who have not been circumcised... Any males want to step in here? Vernon? (That's my husband.)

First, let me just tell you about Vernon. When we were pregnant with our first child seven years ago, we both didn't really know much about circumcising or not circumcising. I started to do a little research and came up with the conclusion that I did not want to circumcise our child, and I told this to Vernon. At first, Vernon was like, "What the heck? Of course we're going to circumcise." Because, just like most people from the midwest, we came from a culture where we didn't know any different. Vernon had been circumcised. Everybody Vernon knew had been circumcised. But... once Vernon started to do a little research on it on the matter, he too agreed with the fact that he did not want to circumcise our children.

So, just because we grow up in this culture, just because we have these "norms"... this doesn't mean that we can't try to change things. I mean, up until 95 years ago, women didn't have the right to vote. Did that make it okay because it was the societal norm at that time? No.

Oh, and here is a good article from a man's point of view... with kind of an unexpected ending.

My point in writing these soapboxes is not to alienate people or to separate right from wrong... It is to educate. I want to inform people who, like Vernon and myself seven years ago, didn't know any different because we hadn't been exposed to other views yet. I want to challenge people's beliefs and encourage them to question things and to not do certain things just because everybody else is doing them (ultrasounds, avoiding fats, hospital births, etc.).

Comments?

Photo Friday - Learning to Crawl

Baby Peace is wanting to crawl. And, as all parents know: It helps to be naked when you're learning how to crawl.

Laugh Out Loud

My husband has a brother who is not very tech-savvy. His brother has a cell phone, and has started texting not so long ago. One day, my husband got a text from him, saying something fairly benign, like, "I'll see you tomorrow night." But then, he ends it with "LOL".

And my husband says, "I wonder if he knows what LOL means?"

And I say, "I bet he thinks that it means 'Lots of Love' or something like that."

So, now, whenever I send my husband a text (which I'm able to do from my computer, being that I don't have or want a cell phone for myself), I will always end it with LOL. And it's funny, because our minds are still automatically reading it as "Laugh Out Loud".

Here are examples of some texts that I've sent him:

"Did the lady from school get ahold of you? LOL."
"When are you going to get home today? LOL."
"Could you bring up a roast from the garage? LOL."
"Remember to e-mail Dave that assignment. LOL."

Funny, right?

Or maybe it's just us.

Superfreakanomics car seats

Okay... who wants to talk about that car seat section in the book Superfreakanomics? This is big news, people! Why aren't more people talking about this?

It's an economist who co-wrote the book (thus no bias is intended or created) and what he did was compare a bunch of data on car seats crashes with and without car seats and this is what he came up with:

Children, older than age 2, are just as safe with a regular seat belt as they are in a car seat.

And then, the authors went and conducted their own children's seat belt safety test. But first they had to find a crash test place that would let them do the test (apparently, most of the crash test places are in cahoots with the car seat manufacturers so none of them wanted to do it). They finally found one who would do it for them (under the conditions of curiosity and anonymity on their end) and they again found that seat belts were just as safe.

So why are we all putting our kids in car seats? (And, yes, I still do, because I am required to by law... so don't go getting your panties in a knot people. But the minute my daughter turns 8 or grows taller than 4'9", she is getting out of that booster seat.)

I Have Pale Skin

I was at the co-op the other day, and there was a lady there handing out samples of natural skin care products. I approached her and she asked me what type of skin I had.

I paused for a moment, then said, "Pale?"

She smiled at me and said, "Is it oily, normal, or dry?"

(This just shows how much I know about beauty products.)

The Launch

I'm going to officially launch this blog tomorrow. That's right, I haven't told any of my family/friends about this blog yet because I wanted to be sure that I would keep with it. So, I've basically been floating along in cyberspace obscurity up until now, aside from having one follower who somehow managed to find me (Hi, Beth! Thanks for finding me. Glad you like the blog!) But, it's been about a month now, and I have kept with it, so I'm going to go ahead and do a launch. I'm going to post links to it on facebook. I'm going to start including it in my signature line in e-mail and forum posts... you know, all that usual attention-getting blog stuff.

I feel kind of indifferent knowing that people I know might actually be reading my blog. Like, what's my husband going to think when he reads blog entries like this, or this, or this? Keep in mind, this is a man who was uncomfortable with my creative expression in the last blog that I had, and I had to remove some very good material about a masturbating fish hat bandit because of this.

But, whatever. I'd rather write stuff that I knew people were going to read instead of writing stuff that nobody is going to read. If I wanted to write stuff that nobody would read, I'd do that in a journal and stick it under my bed or something.

No, this blog is for the masses. (Whether they like it or not.)

Enjoy.

Soapbox Sunday - Circumcision

(Note: I actually wrote this article awhile ago in my former blog, back when my son was an infant. I felt like talking about circumcision on the soapbox today, but I'm lazy so I'm just going to use what I wrote before. My views haven't changed, so the information is all still relevant.)  

Originally Titled: Let Our Boys Enjoy Blow Jobs

I recently came across this amazing blog on circumcision. It is super awesome and informative and easy to read.

I totally don't understand why parents circumcise their baby boys. It is so cruel and pointless. Why don't parents get informed? I don't get it.

These uninformed parents say, "Oh, they'll never remember it." Well, I could smack the hell out of my boy right now and say that he'll never remember it but that doesn't make it right. It seems unimaginable to even think of circumcising an adult male, so why don't some people even flinch when they think of doing it to a baby?

These uninformed parents say, "We want him to be like his dad." Well, kids don't always have the same eye color as their dad. They don't always have the same hair color. Why do they care if their penises are the same? And when would a father and child sit around comparing the similarities of their penises? I never, not once, compared my vagina to my mother's.

These uninformed parents say, "The other kids will tease him in the locker room." Well, since more and more parents are getting informed and are rightfully choosing NOT to circumcise their babies (with the statistics being around 50/50 on the coasts and around 75/25 in favor of circumcision in the midwest), not everybody is circumcised anymore anyway. And, if I were a guy and somebody was teasing me about my penis in the locker room, I would simply say, "Why the hell are you looking at my penis anyway, Nowaski?" (I would call them by their last name because it's cool to call somebody by their last name when you're in high school.)

These uninformed parents say, "It is more hygenic." Well, no. It's not. Do your research.

So, let's let our boys enjoy their blow jobs as much as they possibly can. Sure, circumcised men enjoy blow jobs just fine, but I'm sure they don't know what they're missing. It's like being born color blind... everything looks great in black and white, but you have no idea how wonderful it would look in color.

So, there. That's my soapbox. I'll step down now.

Humping Husband

My husband comes up behind me in the kitchen and starts doing this mock-humping thing that he always does, and then he turns me around and gives me a kiss. I say to him, "You know, it would be a lot more debonair if you just gave me a kiss instead of all this thrusting business."

Photo Friday - Ocean with Ezra Jumping

This is just another typical day at our house (except for the fact that Ezra is wearing pants).

A Conversation After Church

Vernon: You'd think that priests would take better care of themselves.

Allison: Because they're supposed to treat their body like a temple?

Vernon: Yeah.

Allison: And I bet they go sleep around every night too, with hookers and stuff. Silly priests.

Resolving to Resolute

I'm not sure what to think about New Year's resolutions. I kind of like the idea behind them, but I kind of think that most things that people resolve to do are things they should be doing anyway, so why make such a big deal about it. That being said, here is my list of things I resolve to do, which I should really be doing already:

1) To be more present, and enjoy all the little moments.
2) Turn the computer on only at night, so I can focus more on my children during the day.
3) To love.

Carrying Crap

This is why I will never be voted Mother of the Year: I don't like to carry things. See, most mothers I know are constantly carrying things for their children. These mothers are martyrs. They are heroes. I remember piling my mother with so much stuff when I was a kid, and how she would always take it without a single complaint. (Much like how she takes my current behavior today: how I change her outgoing answering machine messages to something stupid every time I go to her house, how I wrap up a pair of her old underwear for Christmas and give it to my sister, how I create an account for her on facebook and write weird things as her, and how I add stuff to the TO DO list on her fridge... like "take up orienteering, read Barrack Obama book, practice blow jobs on bananas.")

But me? Oh, no. Not me. I'm not a martyr at all. When we were at the Night Before New Year's Eve thing the other night, the kids were collecting all sorts of crappy prizes as they went around playing the games, as well as balloon animals, party hats, and crafts. They needed help carrying all this stuff (you know, so they could play more games and get more stuff), so I ended up carrying it but then passing most of it off to my husband. And the stuff that I did have to carry? I either complained about it or threw it in the garbage.

Oh, no, carrying stuff is not my bag. (Get it? Not my bag?) I like to carry my baby, but that's about it.

Money Matters

It always used to bother me how Vernon would never take care of our financial stuff, like balancing the checkbook, doing our taxes, and managing our Roth IRAs. But today it occurred to me that I'm better at that stuff than he is, just like he's better at doing stuff like fixing the computer and installing the carseats.

See... balance.

Soapbox Sunday - Ultrasounds

In case anybody hasn't figured it out yet, I am a pretty hard-core naturalist when it comes to giving birth. So, I am sure it will come as no surprise to hear what I have to say about ultrasounds.

Like with anything in the birthing world, ultrasounds can be beneficial in certain instances. We all know this. BUT, and this is a big BUT, for the majority of pregnancies, I really don't think they are necessary.

At all.

Not a single one.

And, whoa, look here. Guess who actually agrees with me on this one? ACOG! That's right, freaking ACOG agrees with me and they actually recommend AGAINST routine ultrasound scans (which is saying a lot given their standards).

Most hospitals now-a-days require at least two ultrasounds... one early on to check for dates, and then the "standard" one around 20 weeks. And even though you may have been charting your cycle and you know the exact moment that you conceived, once they see that "dating" ultrasound, they will want to go by the dates on that, which may or may not align with your charts. And if that happens, your due date might get moved up, no matter how much you try to convince them when you conceived.

Which means, if, God forbid, you should happen to go PAST your ultrasound-indicated due date, then that will put you on on a timer to produce your baby within at least 2 weeks (if you have a good care provider, if not, probably a lot sooner than that), and if you don't produce said baby, then they'll want to induce it. And, of course, induction can lead to a whole lot of other stuff (which I'll get on a soapbox about later).

And all this because they moved your due date up by 5 days due to that ultrasound. (Which is yet another reason to have a homebirth midwife, but I digress...)

Ultimately, ultrasound is a technology that has not yet been proven safe. And it's also important to remember that the ultrasound scan (also called a sonogram, which is, you know, the picture that everybody comes home with and puts on their fridge) is not the only technology that employs ultrasound.

Ultrasound technology is also used in the doptone (which is what is used to hear that baby's heartbeat) and electronic fetal monitoring. The doptone is probably the most acceptable form of ultrasound of the three, given that the length of time it's used is very minimal (which is still too much for me, but, heck, even most homebirth midwives use the doptone regularly). The only other way to hear a heartbeat is with a fetascope. Which, if you inquired about one in the hospital, they'd, be, like, "What's a fetascope?" (Fortunately, homebirth midwives also have fetascopes... and, unlike hospital workers, they actually know how to use them.)

As for the electronic fetal monitor? Now that's a whole other ballgame. The use of constant electronic fetal monitor is absolutely deplorable, but I'll get on that soapbox another time as well.

So, anyway, here are some articles to read that lay out ultrasound risks and stuff. And the reason I'm posting all of this here is because this is stuff that most people don't question and just don't know about. This is important:

Weighing the Risks: What You Should Know About Ultrasounds

Ultrasound: More Harm Than Good

Questions about Prenatal Ultrasound and the Alarming Increase in Autism

Ultrasounds Affects Fetal Mouse Brains


The Dangers of Prenatal Ultrasound

Ultrasound: Weighing the Propaganda Agasint the Facts 

Photo Friday - Peace Eats Foot

Peace likes to chew on things: toys, blocks... my foot.