I Suppose I Should Tell You Something...

I drink.

Well, sort of. (I'll explain more about that later.)

But the reason I am telling you this now is because of that one post I wrote back in June of 2010, where Vern started drinking, and I wasn't really comfortable with it. And my comfort-ability level with it has since changed, so I supposed I should explain it.

I started exploring the reasons I had for not drinking a bit more, and finding out those reasons were not so important any more. My choice to not ever drink was making a bigger deal of it than was necessary. I don't want to give undue importance to my reasons for not drinking, much in the same way that I don't want to give undue importance to money by not spending it. It just doesn't matter that much, in the grand scheme of things.

Now, if you're thinking that I'm turning myself into a drunken over-spender, you're not getting the point of all this. It's more than that.

I am telling you this (especially for those of you who know me in real life) so that it is not a surprise for you to see me having a drink at Book Club or Mom's Night Out or wherever.

By "sort of" drinking, this is what I mean: I will try a small amount an alcoholic drink or two at a social gathering. It is interesting to experience a new taste and to see what I like and don't like. I have been drinking like this for over a year now, and I don't think I've ever had what amounted to more than one glass. I just mostly like to explore the different tastes. (Not that the quantity that I drink matters, really, since the whole point of my philosophical awakening is that none of this really matters. This is just what my experience has been so far and it is what I seem to enjoy.)

One night, after a social gathering at our house, there was some wine (a delightful Lambursco, which, in my limited experience, I have thus far surmised to be my favorite alcoholic drink) leftover at our house, and Vern and I drank it the next night. I had what would probably be equivalent to 1-1/2 wine glasses (although we don't own wine glasses, so we were just drinking them out of regular glasses), and the taste got quite tiresome after awhile (even though I have thus far surmised that it is my favorite) and I didn't understand how people could drink enough to get drunk off of it.

I don't ever plan to get drunk. I've seen people get drunk before, and it doesn't seem like my thing. But I do enjoy tasting different drinks, and seeing what this world of alcohol is all about.

So, there you go.

Look What I Did!

Remember my spice system before, when I would keep them in the cupboard like this:

And then throw them on the floor like this to see what they were:

Well, look what I did (thanks to a spice rack from my mother-in-law:

And remember how we organized our coats and shoes before:

Look at what Vern did the other day (the coats got hung up on hooks):

Aren't we awesome?

Friday Finds

1) How to Make a Six-Pointed Paper Snowflake

2) These cool hanging stars, which are really easy to make.

3) So, I was watching this documentary called Rock, Paper, Scissors... and did you know that there is a World Rock Paper Scissors Society? They have World Championships, and the people have strategies, and it's a sport, really. I think I might form my own league here. That would be cool.

(Note: This is often what I do after watching a movie or show. After watching an episode of Shark Thank, I will say to Vern, "I wonder what idea I could come up with to get on Shark Tank." Or, after seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I said to Vernon, "I want to dye my hair all sorts of colors." And now there's this... me wanting to start a Rock, Paper, Scissors league in the Twin Cities metro area. Any takers?)

More on The Great Perhaps

I have been talking to a lot of people about The Great Perhaps. Talking with friends, having an e-mailed conversation with my cousin, talking some more with friends...

It is an interesting thing, and I have still been thinking of it. I've been thinking about how a big part of The Great Perhaps for me is taking part in the world and engaging with people. And I was kind of getting down on myself because I didn't think I was engaging in life enough.

But then I realized that I do rather like the way I am. I like that I'm an observer. I like that I'm interested in listening to people more than I like hearing myself talk. I don't think I'm really failing at engaging with human consciousness after all. I just do it in my own sort of way.

I have a lot of close connections with a lot of people. I like being one on one with people. That's just who I am. Who cares if I don't feel comfortable at concerts? So what if I don't speak up in a big group of people (like Book Club)? I still like people, and I'm not really afraid of them (not that much anyway).

Once again, I am doing more than I am giving myself credit for. Yes, I do still need to find my voice and stop being afraid to use it, and I would like to make eye contact more and connect even MORE with people, but it is all a balance, and that is all part of my journey, figuring this stuff out.

Here is what author John Green (the guy who wrote the book that featured the "Great Perhaps" quote) had to say when a reader asked him about his Great Perhaps:

Q: When and how did you realize you found your Great Perhaps?

A: Oh, I think the pleasure is in the seeking. That’s what I eventually realized.

Well said, John Green. Well said. (This is why I love him so.)

Argyle Centennial Cookbook

When I was at my mom's, I was paging through the Argyle Centennial Cookbook. (Argyle is the small town in northwestern Minnesota that I grew up in. The Centennial Cookbook is its cookbook.)

I had an idea earlier this week of making all of the recipes in that cookbook, and writing about it on my blog. (You know, like how that lady did it with Julia Child's cookbook.) This would be a hilarious endeavor because all the recipes are so... small town cookbook.

But then I got to looking at this cookbook again, and I realized that I didn't really want to make all of the recipes in there.

Here is what I found:

• 8 recipes for cheese balls
• 13 recipes for banana bread
• A significant amount of recipes containing Velveeta cheese, Cheese Whiz or a cream of something soup (see my recipe for No Peekie Stew, for example).
• The "Salads" section featured mostly Jell-o salads, some of which included a Pinneapple Cheese Jell-o Salad, a Molded Vegetable Jell-o Salad (ingredients: lime Jell-o, salad dressing, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, green pepper, onion, vinegar, salt, paprika), and something called a Cherry Coke Salad (1 can cherry pie filling, 1/2 cup sugar, 1-1/2 cup water, 1 large package cherry Jell-o, and 1 can of Coke). What the frick, everybody? What the frick?
• Several recipes for various types of macaroni salads.
• 6 recipes for fruit cakes.
• At least 1/3 of the cookbook was desserts and sweets (cookies, bars, bars, and more bars). (Not counting the fact that their "salads" should be considered desserts as well.)

So, yes, right there is the reason I decided to forgo my cheeky little recipe idea.

Christmas at My Mom's

This is how I spent Christmas at my mom's. It is possibly the most hilarious video I have ever seen. A must see for people of all ages (except for my mom herself).

Christmas 2012 - Find the Changes Picture

Merry Christmas!

No Peekie Stew

So, here is the recipe for No Peekie Stew that I wrote about when talking about meals my mom used to make, directly from Rosie Stoltman's recipe in the Argyle Centennial Cookbook:

Cut up beef roast (3-4 pounds) in small pieces. (No need to brown.) Place beef roast pieces in roaster and add:

1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of celery soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
Onions
Carrots
Potatoes
Green Beans

Cover and place in over at 250 for five hours. DON'T PEEK!

Friday Finds

On Fridays, I'm going to start posting some things that I find on the internet. (Theoretically, this is what I will do.)

My finds for this week:

1) This post about the shootings in Newton, Connecticut.

2) This video by John Travolta and Olivia Newton John: (Also known as, The Worst Video I Have Ever Seen)



3) This video where comedian Patton Oswalt does this hilarious routine on that stupid "Christmas Shoes" song. I can't even being to describe how awesome this video is:

Blog Earnings and Something Frivolous

I'm sure most of you have noticed those annoying ads that I have on this blog, which I originally put up in hopes that I would earn a huge amount of money from my blog (you know, like Dooce and Pioneer Woman), but soon discovered that it was just not that easy.

I have been paid $111.78 from the ads on this blog so far (paid to me in January of 2011). Whenever I earn more than $100, I will get another check.

So... I am slowly approaching that $100 mark once again (slowly, very slowly). And I was thinking that when I get this money, I would spend it on something totally frivolous. I figured it would be good practice for me in learning how to spend more frivolously (and, yes, this is something I do think I need help with... as per my Great Perhaps, and not giving undue importance to money by hoarding it).

Here are some frivolous things I was thinking of:

1) A really expensive haircut at a la-dee-dah salon.

2) A new winter coat. (Yes, somehow, to me, this is frivolous.)

3) Lots and lots of Cheese Fries from the Outback Steakhouse.

4) 100 lottery tickets.

5) A hand chair.

Okay. These ideas kind of suck. Can anyone help me out with some better ideas?

It Gets Better

You know how when you're a new parent and your baby is pooping in its pants, you're missing sleep, and you don't even have enough free time to go to the bathroom alone?

Well, let me tell you... it gets better.

Because, sooner or later, your kids grow up. And they start pooping in the toilet, you start catching up on sleep, and you have enough free time to not only go to the bathroom alone but to do other things alone as well (like read, go to a movie, go for a walk, etc.).

And here is what my kids have been doing for a little while now (they are 9, 7, and 3)...

When we go grocery shopping, they take a cart, they take half of the grocery list, and they go throughout the store picking up their items on the list. Usually Peace, the youngest, rides in my cart. But this time, she went with Ocean and Ezra, so it was like I was all alone, peacefully shopping for the items on my list. At one time this week, I strolled past Ezra as he was talking to a worker and I heard him asking, "Excuse me. Can you tell me where the dried figs are?" It was so cute.

And here is what else gets better...

The kids can start cooking for you too! Ocean made this meal for all of us last night, and all I had to do was tell her that our yellow onions were fine and that a pinch of salt was good since we don't have a 1/8 teaspoon to measure.

Ah, yes... this is the life.

(Now, when should I have another baby?)

Need a Car?

Here is the copy of our ad on Craigslist, in which we're trying to sell our 1992 Toyota Corolla:

Do you want a car with doors that open and close (kind of), lots of rust, and possible transmission problems? Then do we have the car for you! It's a 1992 Toyota Corolla with 125,000 miles. And, other than the aforementioned problems (as well as some probable issues with either the shocks or the struts), it runs like a charm! It has driven well up until a couple of weeks ago, and we just don't want to put money into fixing it. So, if you're someone who has the wherewithal to fix these problems, let's do this!

P.S. The car will probably need to be towed because it doesn't feel safe to drive.

P.P.S. Also, the air conditioning doesn't work and the back right tire has a slow leak.

Vern's Birthday Pictures

So, you know how I do photo shoots of my kids right before their birthdays? Well, I wanted to start doing this with Vern as well. And, for some reason, Vern indulged me in this request, even though he thinks it's pretty silly, and usually doesn't indulge me in such requests...

And then, I put these things on my facebook in the days leading up to Vern's birthday. Vern is not on facebook anymore, so he didn't know anything about this (until now, I guess). Also, it is things that probably make up the reason Vern doesn't usually indulge me in my requests.

Happy Birthday, Vernon

I made this video three years ago, and I've posted it every year since. (I really should make an updated one.) But, without further ado, here is Vern's Birthday Video. It makes me happy every time I watch it.

Meals My Mom Made

These are the only meals I remember my mom making when I was growing up:

No Peekie Stew
Swiss Steak
Pork Chops and Rice
Lasagna
Chili
Spaghetti
Milk and Cheese
5 Bean Casserole
Toastie Dogs
Hotdish

And that's it. I honestly don't believe she ever made anything else beside that (except for boxed or canned stuff, like Macaroni and Cheese, Pizza Rolls, and Chef Boyardee, but those things I usually made those things myself). Not that there's anything wrong with that... just seems like very little variety compared with what I make.

(Note: This is more of a personal blog post, for me to remember, rather than a post I think you all will be interested in.)

The Best Christmas Gift... Ever!

Last year, we went to this thing called "A Civil War Christmas" at the Blaine library. It had displays and interactions showing how Christmas looked during the Civil War.

It was there that I learned about this... The Best Christmas Gift Ever! We did these for our kids last year and they all loved them so much. They said it was the gift that they enjoyed the most.

Here is what you do:

Buy some small trinkets that can easily be wrapped in a ball of yarn, and then line them up in front of you. (Michael's or the Dollar Spot at Target is a good place to look for such items.)

Oh, and while you were at Michael's, you should have also bought some yarn. (Note: I would have liked a more Christmas-y red or a green color for the yarn, but this color was on sale, so that is what I got.) Anyway, so start wrapping the yarn around one of your trinkets:

Add another trinket and wrap some more:

Add another one and wrap some more:

And some more:

And some more. I think you're getting the idea. So, do this until all of your little trinkets are wrapped within the yarn:

And you'll end up with a yarn ball that looks something like this:

Wrap that up however you want, and there you have it:

This kids will be so delighted to unwind their yarn balls and find all the little hidden gifts along the way. Try it!

Pregnancy Tea

I've been drinking what I (and most people) refer to as "pregnancy tea" lately, even though I am not pregnant, but because I think it is just a good tea to drink for overall womanly health. Earlier this year, I had pretty short cycles (like, often less than 27 days), but once I started drinking the tea, they lengthened out again (to over 27 days).

Last month, I ran out of the tea, and I needed to get more ingredients. It turns out that Mississippi Market doesn't carry alfalfa leaf or oat straw, so it took me awhile to get all the ingredients to make my tea again. (I finally got the missing ingredients when I was down in Burnsville one day, and so stopped at Valley Natural Foods.*)

Anyway, here is the recipe for the tea, and, in my personal opinion, I think it is something women should be drinking every day, even if they're not pregnant, and for the rest of their lives.

2 cups red raspberry leaf
1 cup alfalfa leaf
1/2 cup nettle leaf
1/2 cup oat straw
1 cup peppermint leaf

You mix these all together, and then use about a teaspoon for every cup of tea. Let it steep and then strain the herbs out.

Note: Buying these ingredients out of the bulk herb section at your local co-op is sooooo much cheaper than buying the prepackaged stuff from Traditional Medicinal or whatever. This recipe will yield a ton of tea, and it will cost you probably less than $5.



* Other co-ops in the Twin Cities area that carry the alfalfa and oat straw (that I know of) are Fresh and Natural Foods and The Wedge.

Christmas Movies

One of my favorite holiday traditions is to force Vernon to watch a cheesey holiday TV movie (or two or three) with me. (Actually, I'm NOT forcing him. He does it because, 1) he loves me, and 2) it gives him the opportunity to watch a cheesey holiday TV movie!)

And, oh, these movies are delightfully horrible.

This year, we watched Christmas Wedding Date. It's what Marla Sokoloff (The Practice and Full House) and Luke from The O.C. are up to now. About 40 minutes into the movie, it started in on a time loop thing. You know, like in Groundhog's Day, where Bill Murray has to repeat the same day over and over.

And, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. Not another freaking Christmas movie where they repeat the same day over and over."

Because, yes, that's right. This is not the only Christmas movie that we have been privy to where someone relives the same day over and over again.

Last year, we watched this Jay Mohr / Daphne Zuniga vehicle called Christmas Do Over, where, you guessed it, Jay Mohr was repeating the same day over and over until he learned the true meaning of Christmas.

Another year, we watched Erik von Detton in Christmas Every Day (the 1996 version, not to be confused with the 1987 version of the same name) do the same thing.

And another year it was The 12 Dates of Christmas, where Amy Smart and Mark-Paul Gosselar relived the same first date over and over again (well, 12 times to be exact).

I feel like I'm in a time loop reliving every time I watch a Christmas movie where they relive the same day over and over.

Christmas Made Easy

I've finally figured out the key to me enjoying the holiday season. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed the holiday season, there was just this undercurrent of stress I had over all the things that had yet to get done. I would never enjoy holiday gift shopping because it seemed like just another chore to do during the holiday season.

But here is the key that I found to relieve me of this stress: I have to get everything done early.

This is the solution for me and I don't know why I never thought of it before. I am a highly efficient person and I like to have things done the minute they are assigned to me. I don't like to have stuff hanging around that has to get done. This is just how I am.

This is interesting, because Vern is utterly incapable of getting anything done before he absolutely has to. We make a horrible pair when it comes to getting any concrete task accomplished. We just don't work well together. Neither of us is wrong in our approach. Neither is right. It is just how we are.

So, this season, I'm avoiding doing any holiday tasks together with Vern (shopping being the main one). He has his list of people to shop for. I have mine. I'll get my portion done sooner. He'll get his done later. It's all good.

Because now, it's only December 6, and I have EVERYTHING done. Gifts are shopped for. Cards are done. Tree is decorated. Done. Done. Done. And it feels so good!

Messy Spots

In my Facebook Experiment post, I showed a picture of what my spice set-up looks and how it needs improving. (P.S. It still hasn't been improved).

Well, now I would like to show you two other areas in our house that need an organizational makeover. Here is our system for putting away coats and winter gear:

And, you can't really see how bad this one is, because it's more of an experience, really. But this is our art bag. Basically every art supply we have is in this bag. It's tedious to find anything.

Please hold your advice on how I can improve and organize any of this. Unless you are willing and able to come here and do it for me, I don't need to hear it.

Freaking Owls

I used to really like owls. Like, I mean the decorative kind, the type you'd find of fabrics and stuff. But now owls are freaking everywhere.

Remember when it was all the rage to put a bird on everything? Well, now that bird is officially the owl, and it is all over the place.

I think I'll go to Target someday and take a picture of all the things that have owls on them, just so I can prove it to all you naysayers (are any of you naysaying? I'm just assuming).

Owls used to be my thing. But now, they are everybody's.

Does that mean I should like them any less? Because they're popular? Do I base my opinions on what to like and not like based on what other people are liking and not liking (and doing the exact opposite)? And isn't that a modality in and of itself?

I avoided reading The Hunger Games for the longest time because Everybody Else liked it. But it turns out that Everybody Else was very right about The Hunger Games, and it was one of the best reading experiences of my life. But I usually can't trust Everybody Else. They generally have horrible taste (take Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray and Kevin James movies, for instance). But sometimes the curiosity gets the better of me and I just have to see what all the fuss is about.

Mostly, I tend to like things that are different (and unique), because I like to be different (and unique). But that seems like a rather poor reason to like (or not like) something, and, as I said before, it has become a modality unto itself.

I need to work on my authenticity and embrace those freaking owls.

Stupid. Freaking. Owls.

Squash, Spinach, and Bacon Lasagna

Well, this was no Roasted Pumpkin and Blue Cheese Lasagna (because that was such an extraordinary taste sensation beyond compare), but this is good and lovely in its own regard.

(It has been adapted, in quantity mostly, from the recipe found here.)

Butternut Squash (about 3 lb)

1 onion

6 oz fresh spinach

16 oz bacon, cooked and chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced

4 eggs

2 cups shredded cheese, plus 1/4 cup (separated)

2 cups fat ricotta cheese

26 oz pasta sauce

10 lasagna noodles

1/2 tsp salt 

1/2 tsp pepper

Instructions:

1. Bake your butternut squash by baking halves in the oven on a baking sheet for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees, then cubing, and cutting of peel. 

2. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat with some butter. Saute chopped onions and garlic for about 4 minutes, until tender. Add spinach and saute 2-3 minutes, until wilted.

3. In a large bowl, combine 2 cups of shredded cheese, the ricotta cheese, and eggs. Mix until fully combined.

4. Coat the bottom of an 9x13 inch square baking dish with a few tablespoons of tomato sauce. Arrange 5 noodles over the sauce. Spread about 2 cups of the cheese mixture on top of the noodles, and then layer 1/2 of the butternut squash, spinach/onion, and bacon on top. Spread 1/2 of the pasta sauce on top of that, and then layer 5 more lasagna noodles on top of that. Repeat procedure for the second layer of lasagna. Top the final pasta sauce layer with 1/4 cup cheese (you can add more to taste if you prefer a larger amount of cheese), and cover with foil.

5. Bake lasagna at 375 degrees for 30 minutes. Uncover and bake for an additional 30 minutes. 

Enjoy!

The Big Announcement!

Here is the big announcement:

That's right. After 3.44 years of nursing, Peace is now done. For the past 1-1/4 years or so, I have been nursing her only one time a day, right before bed. But on both Monday and Tuesday nights of this week, she wasn't really into it. She would just nurse on one side, and then switch right away to the other side, and then would want to switch back again, and then would be done. So, I figured it was time for it to be over. For good.

This was the longest I have ever nursed a child. Ocean was around 2-1/4 when she stopped, and Ezra was around 2-1/2. I could have gone on for awhile longer nursing Peace, since it was just one time a day, because it made my life easier in that it was an easy way to get her to sleep. But, that is to be no longer. She is done.

Now... onto a funny story for the day:

We went to the Grand Meander today (which is a thing where people walk along Grand Avenue in St. Paul, getting soup samples and hot chocolate and treats along the way). We were on a trolley ride, on our way to Whole Foods for their soup sample, and, out of nowhere, Ocean threw up. It landed on her, on Peace, on the floor, and a whole lot of it landed on the lady seated in front of her.

Most people can look back on things like this and laugh, but I have the inappropriate gift of being able to do this at the time it is actually happening. I just don't have the ability NOT to laugh at these type of situations, I don't know why. So, as we are hightailing our butts off the the trolley, I am stifling a laugh, apologizing to the lady in front of Ocean (who is also getting off the trolley), and she is gracious and nice and for some reason that makes me want to laugh at the absurdity of the situation even more.

We get off the trolley, and it wasn't until after it is long gone that we wonder if we should have said something to the trolley driver. I mean, how do you know how to act in a situation like this? The trolley driver must have realized something was up when everyone on the trolley is talking about somebody having thrown up, and over half the people are getting off, with no less than three of them having some form of puke on them (Ocean, Peace, and the lady)... But I couldn't even think of much else besides getting my kids off of that trolley and trying not to laugh. (We also should have probably thought to offer to pay to clean that gracious lady's coat.)

So, anyway, we had gotten off next to the Kowalski's grocery store, so we go in there to clean the kids up in the restroom. After that is done, Ocean gets outside and starts throwing up AGAIN in the parking lot. And there are firemen there ringing the bell for Salvation Army, and they ask if something is wrong. And I said no, while continuing to try not to laugh, because it is still one of the funniest situations I have ever been in, and I just can't get over how surreal it is to watch my daughter throwing up in the parking lot of Kowalski's while a bunch of people are walking out of the store and catching a glimpse of it and turning away, and the firemen are wondering what's going on. We did good here though because then Vern goes back in the store and tells somebody there about the throw-up in the parking lot.

Then, we walk all the way home (not going to get on a trolley again, thank you very much), and Ocean gets in the shower to clean up and she throws up AGAIN while she's in the shower. But, other than random acts of throwing up, she is feeling just fine and like her regular self, so it doesn't really seem like that big of a deal.

Another Chart!

I made another Facebook chart today: (You may remember my previous charts in posts entitled "Charts!" and "More Charts!")

Feel free to try this one for yourselves, and see if the age of your facebook friends equals out to your exact age. I may have stumbled upon an amazing formula.

Also... tomorrow there will be a Big Announcement! Big Announcement, people. Big Announcement!

Outside

Here are some pictures of my two youngest playing outside:

Thanksgiving 2012

We went to my mom's in Moorhead over the weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving.

This is my mom:

This is my sister, Andrea:

This is her husband, Jon:

Andrea and Jon remind me of sitcom characters Roseanne and Dan Connor, with their brashness and the way they lovingly joke and disparage each other. They're interactions are interesting to watch.

And this is Peace downing some water at the kiddie table:

We played this board game called "Say Anything" (not with the kids). Here is a sampling of some of our questions and answers. That we did. With my mother. (See below for the answers that were chosen.)

1) To Jon: What do you do to relax?

2) To me: What is your idea of a perfect date?

3) To Vernon: What is the worst thing you could put in your mouth?

4) To Vernon: What is the strangest thing to collect?

Also over the weekend, Vernon and I saw the movie Lincoln. It was pretty good. Kind of showy and Spielberg-ized, but overall pretty well done. (And the acting was incredible.)

My Toyota Corolla only got 30.6 mpg on the trip. What the heck? It was all highway driving too.

The End.



Answers:
1. Blow Jobs
2. Movie
3. Sperm
4. I don't remember

One More Thing...

Vermont was a Great Perhaps.

Hair Update

It has been three weeks since The Great Not-Washing-My-Hair Experiment, and I have washed my hair approximately three times since then. I just wash it with water and a little bit of vinegar, and one time I put an egg yolk in it.

That is all.

The Great Perhaps

I have gone to enough concerts in my lifetime to know that I don't really care to go to them.* Too loud. Too many people. Just not my thing. But my husband is really into live music, so I have gone with him.

And I'll go to these concerts and I'll observe people, and I'll wonder how they can be so uninhibited, so free, so full of life and love for the music. And even though my husband and I have similar temperaments (we're both quiet, introverted, and like to observe), even he would get into the music and the crowd and the movement behind the whole thing and start nodding his head, singing along, or whatever.

I admire those people at concerts. Doing what they do. Living life and not observing it.

I had a psychic tell me once that I am a supporting actor in the story of my life. That I am not the star.

So, I was thinking about this and thinking about this, and I suppose it might be true. Me... always observing my life and never really starring in it. I observe people as a photographer. I observe my kids growing up. And now, for this documentary I'm making, I'm going around filming this other person living her life and observing her.

Always observing life and examining it to the nth degree.

In this book I was reading (Looking for Alaska), the main character had been living an uneventful life and is trying to explain to his parents why he wants to go away to boarding school. He really likes reading about people's last words before they die. So he says to his parents, "This guy, Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps."

So, that got me to thinking about the Great Perhaps-es that I've missed out on in my life.

I remember going off to college and having a roommate that I was assigned to living with me in our dorm. She was very social, and requested another More-Social Roommate than myself. So I moved in with the More-Social Roommate's less-social roommate. My new roommate wrote letters to her boyfriend in California (they had some sort of inside joke about burritos), and she got mad at me for killing a bug once. We were unsocial and awkward together, ate with each other a couple of times in the cafeteria, went to see Spike Lee's movie "Clockers", and that was about it. Then, after that semester, I dropped out of college, moved back in with my parents, hung out with my grandma a lot, and went to a Technical College because I didn't want to spend all that money on school when "I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life."

So, that was a Great Perhaps that was missed out on in favor of a more safe, less frightening perhaps.

I think that my not wanting to spend money has been a running theme in my life and maybe keeps me away from a lot of wonderful experiences and Great Perhaps-es.

Granted, right now we probably shouldn't be spending money anyway, considering we're crawling our way back up to where the poverty line separates... but even before, I didn't spend money like a normal person, and I missed out on a lot of wonderful experiences because of it. We didn't go ice skating at Rockefeller Center when we were in New York City because it was "too expensive" (even though it was something I had always really wanted to do). We could have stayed at a hotel that was nicer than the one that "is usually just used when people bring hookers here" - according to the hotel clerk - when we were in Dublin. And I've never played paintball or seen a Broadway play or ridden in a hot air balloon, even though I've been in situations to partake in them had I only spent the money.

I would like to experience life more. Live in the world. Connect with people. Engage in human consciousness instead of just observing it, you know?

I don't want to miss out on any Great Perhaps-es anymore because I'm afraid of that.



*Here is a list of the concerts that I have been to, because I know you are wondering and are secretly looking to judge me by my (or my husband's) musical taste, which I openly welcome you to do, and I will stand by any judgments you might make:

Firehouse - Minot, ND
Hootie and the Blowfish - Fargo, ND
Bush / Goo Goo Dolls / No Doubt - Fargo, ND
Shaded Red / Petra - Grand Forks, ND
Pearl Jam - Cardiff, Wales
Weezer - Chicago, IL
Rufus Wainwright - Chicago, IL
Rockford Mules - St Paul, MN
Jenny and Tyler - St Paul, MN

Roasted Pumpkin and Blue Cheese Lasagna

I got the original recipe here, and then doubled it. Please go to the original recipe to see better pictures of it, instead of looking at my somewhat lame attempt at a photograph. (Here's the problem I have with taking photographs of food: I have no patience to set up the shot because I want to eat it!)

So, here it is: Roasted Pumpkin and Blue Cheese Lasagna. Words that you have probably never heard together before, but know that they are so, so, right.

Ingredients:

1 pie pumpkin

2 T olive oil

1 red onion

2 cups ricotta

2 egg whites

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

4 T butter

4 T flour

2 cup milk

1 cup crumbled blue cheese

12 lasagna noodles

1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese 

Instructions:

Cut pumpkin into 1/2" pieces, shell removed. Toss with diced red onion. Cook at 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes.

Meanwhile... stir together ricotta, egg whites, salt, and pepper. Set aside. Boil lasagna noodles. And, in a small saucepan, heat butter over medium-low head. Once melted, whisk in flour and cook for one minute. Whisk in milk and continue to cook until sauce has thickened. Remove from heat and stir in blue cheese.

To assemble lasagna... pour 1/4 of the blue cheese sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Layer 4 lasagna noodles, followed by 1/2 of the ricotta mixture, 1/2 of the pumpkin mixture, and another 1/4 of the blue cheese sauce. Repeat. Then, for the final layer, add last 4 lasagna noodles, the remaining blue cheese sauce, and finish with the mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 375 for 40-45 minutes.

More on Catholicism...

At RCIA this week, "Mitch" told the group that 60% of Catholics who receive the Eucharist do not really believe that it is truly the body and blood of Jesus.

(Note: Through a process called transubstantiation in the Catholic church, the bread and wine IS actually transformed into Christ's body and blood, but it is stays looking like bread and wine so it doesn't creep us out. Other Christian churches just think of it as a symbol, but Catholics think it is the real thing. At least, they are supposed to.)

The thing is, this belief is what makes me love the Catholic church so much, and is the reason I don't feel drawn to other Christian churches. I want to eat me some Jesus!

(Note: There have been cases of Eucharistic Miracles, the Miracle of Lanciano for one in the 700's, in which the Eucharist has actually turned into Christ's flesh, literally. Scientists did studies on it in the 1970's and it was determined to be real flesh and real blood, and you can still look at it today.)

Shouldn't Catholics (or anyone, really) everywhere be amazed by this? These Churches are serving the Body of God! Shouldn't we all be a little more excited and in awe of it?

I know I should be. But, somehow, it becomes routine. And, thanks to my inherently flawed and selfish nature, I like getting the Eucharist most for the gifts it can bring to me (grace, forgiveness, love), instead of being in awe and amazed at the whole thing. It's kind of like when my mom comes to visit... I don't really care about connecting and being present with her. Instead, I'm thinking, "Free babysitter!" (Yes, I know, like I said, I am an inherently flawed and selfish human being. But this is the truth.)

So, when I hear that 60% of Catholics don't even believe in this great gift of the Eucharist that sets it, as a Church, apart from all the others, I'm thinking, "Well, what are they even doing here?" Just stay home. Or go to any other Church that has the other just-symbolic stuff that you do believe in.

But as for me, where else can I go to eat Jesus? Nowhere. This is it.

Thus, I am stuck with the Catholic Church. And, even though I might not agree with other facets of its teachings (specifically, the ideas behind sin and salvation), I have nowhere else to go. I need to eat Jesus.

I. just. do.

But how do I reconcile myself with not agreeing with the other parts of it, because the Catholic Church isn't a take-what-you-like-and-leave-the-rest kind of religion.

It. is. just. not.

So, I don't really know what to do about that.

Good day!

Home Videos

Here is a little video of my husband doing what he does in the chiropractic practice that he created 18 months ago:


And here's a video of Ocean and Ezra singing the state capitol song:


And here's a video of Peace singing the state capitol song:

And here's an old 18-second video of me interacting with Vern's family:

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Some words from a book by Morton Kelsey:

"We cannot love people until we realize the uniqueness of other people. Each of us is unique, and we have many different ways of acting and valuing. Until we realize that it is natural for others to be different from us, it is very difficult to love them, particularly those whose point of view seems almost opposite to our own."

I was thinking about these words while watching the onslaught of negative posts (from both sides) on facebook both before and after the election. Why are we, as individuals, so intent on being right all the time, instead of putting any effort into understanding one another?

I'm exploring the ideas of nothing being right or wrong. This probably isn't going to make much sense to anybody outside of my head (which, of course, is all of you)... but that's it. What if there IS no such thing as right or wrong? Or good or bad?

What are we learning from people when we label their thoughts / opinions / worldviews as wrong? What kind of connections are we making with each other then?

Don't get me wrong... I've done my fair share of judging and labeling (specifically, regarding how women choose to birth, treat their babies, etc.) in my life. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to judge other people. I don't want to label their choices as right or wrong / good or bad. I'm working on simply calling them "another person's choices" (or ideas, or values, or different ways of acting, or whatever).

And it is surprisingly easy to do that. And it makes me feel better and more connected to all of human consciousness because of it.

That is all.

Wild Horses

I went to the Minnesota Zoo this summer with my kids, and we saw some wild horses having sex. The male chased down one of the females and it basically looked, to our innocent eyes anyways, like he was mounting her and raping her. My kids and I just watched on in amazement, and then we talked about how that was NOT the way to have sex, as humans (the raping part of it anyway, not the doggy-style from behind part of it, because, from what I've heard, that is okay).

So, then we went to the Minnesota Zoo again a couple of days ago and we were approaching the wild horses and Ezra says, "Let's go see the baby horse." And it took me a second to realize what he was talking about. And then that vivid, VIVID memory came to play in my brain once again, and I said, "Ezra, horses don't have babies every time they have sex, you know. Same for people." To which he replied, "Oh."

Catholicism

So, I've been going to these RCIA classes through my church to learn more about my Catholic faith. It turns out, I know most of the stuff already... I'm just not sure if I agree with all of it or not. Or maybe it's just that I'm not understanding it completely.

Of course, it would help if I would actually ask my questions to these RCIA people, but, of course, I am too shy / nerdy / not-good-with-communicating / quiet (remember this post?) to do this.

There's this one leader there... let's call him "Mitch" (because that is his name, and since he is not going to read this blog so he will never know that I am using his real name)... who seems really smart and who I would really like to ask questions to. He has a background of being an atheist and then a Protestant and is now a Catholic. Somehow, I give a little more credit to people who choose the Catholic faith on their own (through independent study and research and the personal experience of grace), instead of being raised in it (like I have) and basically have their it chosen for them.

And it's not that I don't believe in (most of) what the Church has to say... it's just that I believe in EVERYTHING! I believe in Judaism, and Buddhism, and Santa Claus, and miracles, and the Kabbalah, and Deepak Chopra, and science, and birth, and psychics, and Lao Tzu, and ghosts, and Christian Science, and aliens, and chiropractic, and yoga, and even (certain) parts of Mormonism and Scientology.

And it's not that I'm gullible... it's just that I think that each of these things has some Truth to it. Like, I mean, what if all of these Truths are just parts of a greater whole? Or, what if different parts of the different aspects of Truth are different for different people (you know, like, different people, different journeys)? How can people (like me, who is questioning all of this), chose to be a part of just one?

Like, the Catholic Church only seems to recognize people (Saints) and miracles that occur only among Catholic people. But what about all of the other miracles that occur? Why are they any less important?

And if I am to call myself a Catholic, shouldn't I be more all-in with the whole thing? I don't know. And if I am not to be a Catholic, then what am I?

Election Day

I wrote in Ron Paul (which my husband told me was the equivalent to crumpling my ballot into a ball and throwing it out the window) and voted no and no.

Quiet, Quiet

I usually don't talk a lot, partly because I figure I can learn more by listening to what other people have to say since I already know everything I would have to say.

But I have been exploring the idea of talking more, because now I'm starting to think I could actually learn a bit more about myself my doing this. Maybe.

The problem is, I'm not very good at talking.

I tend to internalize experiences, and I tend to like it that way.

Take reading a book, for example. To me, reading a book is a nice little personal experience that I get to share with myself. And I like that.

But, there is this thing that I have decided to become a part of and this thing is called "Book Club". And the main point of Book Club is to discuss a book that we've all read... with each other.

Ah! I know, right? What a crazy thing for me to be a part of.

And I suck at it.

But, in an effort to grow as a human being and to explore the idea of talking more amongst other human beings, I am doing it.

I am not really talking more (because there are a lot of people in Book Club who have already mastered the art of talking and are therefore much better and more proficient at it than I will ever be), but I am there. Trying. Sort of. And that is something.

Not Washing My Hair - Day 16 - IT'S OVER!

Day 16. Just two days ago, I thought this could go on forever. And my hair still feels the same and I actually really like the way it feels, but yesterday, out of nowhere, the roots of my hair started aching a bit. I don't really know how else to describe it. An ache. Emanating from the roots. Especially achy when the hair at the roots is rubbed or moved.

So, this will be my last photo. I'm hopping in the shower immediately after I post this.

(Also, other than tank tops, this is basically the last shirt I own that has yet to be photographed.)

Not Washing My Hair - Day 15

Day 15:

And this is what my girls look like, who haven't washed their hair with shampoo or baking soda in who knows how long: