The Knowing

I am a knower.

What I mean by this is that when I first hear of something, I just KNOW that it rings true. I don't need statistics. I don't need facts. I don't need proof. My knowing is my proof.

When I was first exposed to homebirth, well before I was even pregnant with my first, I just knew that it made sense. I would go on to read stuff about it, the facts, the statistics, the proof, because it was interesting to me, but never because I needed it.

Vernon is not a knower. When I tell him something, like how I want to have a homebirth, I have to give him proof as to why I want it. The proof has to make sense to him.

When I told him how I didn't want to circumcise, I gave him the book Say No to Circumcision to read.

With vaccines, I took him to a vaccine talk by Dr. Mayer Eisenstein.

And then it starts to make sense to him.

There was once a time when Ocean was around 2-1/2 years old (this was before Vern was a chiropractor and understood about the power of the body to heal itself), she had a very high fever and was very, very, very lethargic. Vern was wondering if we should take her to a doctor. I said, "No, she's fine." Then he started questioning me about at what point I would take her to the doctor. And I said, "I don't know. I'll just know." And he couldn't understand that. He kept asking and asking and asking "at what point?" and I didn't know what to tell him.

It's very hard to explain to people who want facts and proof and all that, when that stuff isn't all that important to me and isn't how I process things. My "knowing" is more important. And that's a hard thing to communicate. (And, ultimately, my "knowing" doesn't really matter to most people.)

And when you get these hot-button topics, like homebirth and vaccines and chiropractic, where people have already formed opinions, it's hard. I want people to have the "knowing" that I have, and they want double-blind controlled studies that I am unable to provide. I mean, yes, I do have resources and facts and stuff about things, but if somebody isn't open to it, it's pretty useless anyway. It's like that saying, "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof will ever be enough."

We could be looking at the same information and I would be saying, "Don't you see? Doesn't it make sense?" And they would say, "No. I feel the other way." And I'd have such a hard time understanding that because my inner knowing is so strong and makes so much sense to me. I think that's why I have so much confidence in the decisions that I make. It's easy to stand behind them 100% because they resonate with the core of my being. They just make sense.

When I had my planned unassisted birth with Peace, most people didn't understand why I would do such a thing. Even among all the crunchies that I hung out with (except for Sarah, she understood). But there was a "knowing" involved with that as well. A knowing that everything would be okay and that was how it was meant to be. And it was.

As are all things. I KNOW this. Everything is okay.

Goodbye Anonymous-es

You all probably haven't been keeping up with this, but in the comment section of what I thought was an innocuous post titled Do Nothing, somebody has taken issue with me (once again).

Here's an excerpt:

It's amazing how many parents I already know that have this "Do Nothing" phyilosophy (sic) about their kids and parenting. These are the parents that collect a welfare check every month, their kids don't have decent hygiene because there isn't anyone holding them responsible for it, and these are the kids that get labeled as "special ed" because they (and their parents) have never expected them to do anything more than what they feel like doing. Imagine more of the world that could be opened up for these children if there was someone giving them priorities, responsibilities, and goals to reach--helping to make them well-rounded individuals. It doesn't need to be "helicopter parenting", it just needs to be parenting. By doing nothing and letting children explore life and it's milestones on their own, they ARE being limited. They may not even realize the possibilites (sic) out there that they would truly enjoy and thrive at doing. As parents, it is our job to not sit back totally, but to take an active role so that our children can strive, meet their fullest potentional (sic), enjoy life, and also be happy. 

And also:

You're not limiting them now. Just when they are adults with little to no education and have limited opportunities to get a job that pays over minimum wage. 

What the heck? All I was doing was making what I viewed as an insightful thought relating to MY life. I was in no way judging other people or what they were doing. Remember... I'm trying really hard not to care what other people are doing!

And this was the reason I stopped writing for awhile... because I wanted to avoid all this bad mojo from people. I don't want all this negativity. I want to fill the world with love and peace and unicorns and rainbows.

So, it has come to this...

I am removing the feature from the comment section that allows people to comment anonymously. I know, I know, this should have been done a long time ago. But I thought by having it there, it gave greater access for people to post more easily. (Now, some of you may not be able to post at all without this feature). And, also, I did enjoy the following of my ALL-CAPS ANONYMOUS poster. He was lovely, whoever he was (I never did figure that out).

So, goodbye, all of you anonymous-es out there. This is for the best. I'm going to keep the rainbows and unicorns dancing in my head. Please direct all of your negative energy elsewhere. Thank you.

Events, AIDS, and Friends

So, remember when I was talking about all these social events that I was creating for myself? I think, in a way, I'm doing it as a way to see my friends more. See, with school coming up, I don't see the friends that I hang out with at playgroups all summer as much. We go our separate ways a bit more during the school year, and I miss seeing them on a regular basis.

See, with stay-at-home parenting, going to playgroups and seeing the same people on a regular basis is developing relationships like you'd have if you worked and saw them on the job everyday. It's about creating community and a sense of belonging somewhere, because, oftentimes, parenthood can be a very isolating experience.

SIDENOTE: Vernon has experienced this sense of isolation in opening up his own business and working for himself. He doesn't work with anybody. He gets lonely. But for the past couple of months he has been volunteering every Tuesday for The Aliveness Project (a local organization that helps people with AIDS). We visited him there the other week for the first time, and he was introducing us to all the people he worked with... and he seemed very happy and a part of things. And then, that same week, we went to a picnic that the organization had, and Ocean played Four Square, Ezra hit a pinata, and we all played Bingo.

ADDITIONAL SIDENOTE ABOUT THE SIDENOTE: I won't name any names, but I have a couple of friends (it's Jen and Sally, everybody, Jen and Sally), who are skeptical about the field of chiropractic. But now I can say to them, "My husband helps people with AIDS. And they feel better after seeing him. You can't tell me that chiropractic only works for back pain. He helps people with AIDS!" Because, that's right, I'm using people with AIDS as a means to win arguments with my friends. I'm a good person.

END OF SIDENOTES AND BACK TO ORIGINAL THOUGHT: I have one friend who shall remain nameless (it's Kelly, everybody, it's Kelly) who I hardly see anymore and I miss her. But with kids growing up and growing out of the playgroup stage (especially growing out of the indoor playgroup places in the winter), it gets harder to see the people I used to see on a regular basis.

Which is why I need to create these events.

That's the idea anyway.

Why I Have More in Common with Tina Fey Than You Do

Tina Fey and I really should be best friends, we really should. You all think you should be best friends with Tina Fey, but you are wrong. She should be my best friend because of this:

On page 221 of her book Bossypants, she writes THE joke. That's right... you know the one. (Apparently that is not a joke native to Blue Valentine. It's an actual, real-life joke that people tell one another! People like me and Tina Fey! Jealous?)

Here is how she tells THE joke, as seen on page 221 of her book:

A pedophile walks through the woods with a child. The child says, "These woods are scary." The pedophile says, "Tell me about it. I have to walk back through here alone."

Granted, unlike me who says, "This is the funniest joke ever!" Tina prefaced the joke with, "An example of a truly rough joke would be this:" But, whatever. We're besties now! (Here's another excerpt from her book that all of you mama-types will find especially poignant... showing that Tina, like me, has a soft side despite our fiercely awesome and inappropriate sense of humor.)

Also, a side note on all this, my husband is now reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants. That's right... I have an awesome husband who reads Tina Fey books because he really is THAT cool.

Suckers.

Big Plans, Big Plans

I've been really into organizing events this month.

There's Birth Video Night this Friday (which was actually my friend Jen's idea, but she wanted my help with organizing it because I'm good at strong-arming people into showing their birth videos). We've been doing these Birth Video Nights for a couple years now, and they are a wonderful flow of oxytocin and togetherness for all of us birth junkies. You should consider organizing them in your area, if you haven't already.

Another thing you should consider organizing are Adult Playdates. Except don't call them "Adult Playdates" because people will make fun the name because it sounds perverted (because anything with the word "Adult" in it sounds perverted now-a-days, so they tell me). So then you'll have to change the name to "Grown Up Fun Times", which, depending on the state of your mind, could sound equally perverted (in which case, you could make ANYTHING sound perverted, even innocent phrases like "telescope" and "your grandma's washing machine".) So, I organized the first Grown Up Fun Time for September. We'll be going rollerskating, where we can act like kids again and forget that in our real lives we have kids who cry when you flush the toilet after you go to the bathroom (because SHE wanted to do it, so you have to pretend to go to the bathroom all over again just so she can flush it), and mortgages and car insurance and grocery bills and all the rest of it.

And the last of my party planning events is this Boobs and Brinner photography thing. Basically, it's a 3 hour event where nursing moms come together, bring a dish to share, and have a nursing pictures taken (by yours truly) for a fraction of the cost ($25) of a normal session. (I got the idea from this website.)

So, all this equates to is: Allison Is Getting a Life. Yes, that's right. I'm creating events that I enjoy doing (watching birth videos, acting like a kid, photography) so that I can get the most of my life. Things outside of parenting and meal preparation and not flushing the toilet so my daughter can flush it. Not that all that stuff isn't wonderful and all (because it is, I love that part of my life too. I'm happy, remember!)... but having these other events helps with keeping balance and equilibrium in my life. (Which also fits into my equation for happiness.)

Do Nothing

I've been reading a bunch of stuff about birth lately (I don't know why, that's just who I am, I guess), and the more and more I read, the more I see how important it is to DO NOTHING.

Nuchal cord? Do nothing.

Cervical lip? Do nothing.

Breech? Do nothing.

Anything else disturbs the normal physiological process that the mother and baby need to go through.

I was thinking about how this "Do Nothing" notion relates to other areas as well... like child rearing, and just LIFE, in general.

I talked before about how I am not a fan of helicopter parenting. How I think children get more out of play (out of life) by doing it themselves... while I just sit back and Do Nothing.

Same goes for my unschooling sensibilities... From a DH Lawrence essay, Education of the People: "How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."

I think anything else would interfere with a child's physiological process of growth and development as well. They know what their doing here. My job is to trust in them and in this process (just like with birth) and to make sure they trust in themselves as well. (I expounded on this concept a bit in my Idle Parenting post awhile ago.)

But this "Do Nothing" attitude is just good for life in general, for all of us, adults and children alike... It promotes a go with the flow, let go and let God kind of attitude. It's a good way to live.

(Disclaimer: As with anything, in birth, life, or otherwise, if there is an emergency situation that needs to be attended to, this "Do Nothing" attitude obviously doesn't apply. This should go without saying, but I thought I would mention it here so you all don't think I'm Miss Crazy-Pants who will "Do Nothing" at all costs.)

Summer Festivals

Vern has been working events and festivals pretty much every weekend this summer (he offers health screenings at these events in an attempt to get patients). We will drop him off at the event, check it out a bit (or longer), go do something else with the car, then tootle around the event some more, help him pack up, and leave.

We've been to:

• Grand Old Day in St. Paul - Where we walked a very crowded street on a very hot day with lots of other people.
• The Dragon Festival in St. Paul - Where we went on a free canoe ride, got a free book by Kristi Yamiguchi, had my cholesterol checked (it's awesome, BTW) and got temporary tattoos that were so realistic that several people thought mine was real.
• Highland Fest in St. Paul - Where my mom bought us a bottle of water.
• Slice of Shoreview in Shoreview - Where we watched Dock Dogs compete, got a bunch of $5 gift cards to Baker's Square (plus free slices of pie), and I found the Bee Salve lady.
• St. Anthony Village Fest in St. Anthony - Where Ocean dressed up like a fireman and sprayed a hose, and I signed up for items in the Silent Auction (which I didn't win).
• Stockyard Days in New Brighton - Where we saw a pot-bellied pig, thought briefly about getting one, but then changed our minds, and Ezra won a coloring contest.
• Mounds View Festival in the Park in Mounds View - Where we watched a parade, got balloon animals from a cranky clown, and Ocean and I got lifted really high in the bucket on the ladder of a firetruck.

I used to do art shows, back in the day (I think it was 2007???), with my photographs (I even won a prize once, in New Prague, for Best Artist or whatever. The prize money, which wasn't very much, was more than I made in sales). It is tedious work, sitting there all day, trying to sell your stuff. The weather is usually either too hot or rainy. I don't envy Vern having to do it. If only there was an easier way to get patients...

(Seriously, does anyone know of an easier way to get chiropractic patients? If you do, please share...)

Bee Salve

I bought this stuff called Bee Salve at an event last month, and, next to Friday Night Lights and Papa Murphy's Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed Pizza, it is one of the best things ever!

You put this Bee Salve on a mosquito bite, and the itch instantaneously goes away! It is amazing! It is also good on other skin ailments like cuts, scrapes (it acts like an antiseptic), eczema, psoriasis, burns, diaper rash, cold sores, dry skin, chapped lips, blisters, sunburns, and any other skin problem you can think of which needs help healing.

I do not have any association with this company (the only companies I have associations with can be found here and here), and, even though I would like to, I haven't found a way to get companies to have me review their products and give me free stuff yet... So, what this means is that I just really, really think this is a good product. I bought a little 1/8 ounce tube (the size of a chapstick) for only $3.50, and it will probably last us all year.

So, without further ado, here is a link to their website:

Busby's Bee Salve

Baking Soda

We bought some baking soda the other day. Peace looked at it and said, "Toothpaste."

No Apologies, Part II

Oh, why don't people understand me!

When I said "I don't care if people circumcise"... That doesn't mean that I think circumcision is a good thing. It doesn't mean that I agree with it. What it means is that I'm trying to release judgment about it (and about all things, really). It's not my job to judge others. This is all about recognizing that it's another person's journey, not mine... and being okay with that.

Yes, I would like to change your mind and educate you about a lot of things (if you're receptive to that), but other than that, what more can I do?

I'm not going to hate you or think that you're a bad person if you circumcise.

Please don't judge me because of that.

No Apologies

So, I've gotten some negative reactions regarding the joke that I liked. But I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm not. I still think that it's funny.

But I don't want you to hate me for it. See, I think it's okay if we have differing senses of humor. It doesn't make one of us bad, one of us good. It just makes us different.

See, I think I've been avoiding updating for awhile because I don't want people to think negatively of me. I don't want those negative vibes coming my way. (I've been really into universal energy lately, and, believe me, I don't want any of your bad mojo coming my way.) You don't have to love me. Just, please, don't hate me because of it. Just be neutral.

Be open-minded to the fact that we might not have the same sense of humor. We might not feel the same way about birth, vaccinations, child-raising, whatever. And that's okay. Let's just all be accepting of one another and our differences!

Yes, I liked that joke. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't. I like blue humor. I love how comedians "go too far" in Comedy Central roasts. I loved the movie The Aristocrats (and please, if you didn't like my joke, stay FAR, FAR away from the movie The Aristocrats). I love Sarah Silverman and her raunchy sense of humor.

I don't want to come across as judgmental anymore. I really don't care if you like medicated births, bottle feed, or (GASP!) circumcise. I accept our differences and love you all just the same.

Here are some wise words from my husband, Vernon:

As for the joke... you really don't understand why people don't like it? It's highly inappropriate, not really the thing you just throw out there for anyone to read (at least in my opinion). I mean of all the crimes people can think of, that's got to be pretty much at the top of the ones that people will feel is the most deplorable and disgusting and will create a visceral reaction. It's more of something you share in a smaller setting (if at all) with people you are pretty sure might react okay to it or at least feel aren't going to judge you if they don't like it. Just one of those things where just because we think it, doesn't mean it has to be shared with the world. Sarah Silverman or others can get away with stuff like that because they've taken the time to create that public personality and a career based on that. People kind of shrug it off, because oh it's just that Sarah Silverman being inappropriate again. Her character isn't really real to people. There's an (unconscious?) understanding that she's performing, and within a performance, a separation from reality exists which allows her to get away with things. I bet there's another Sarah Silverman when she's not performing. Oh... that crazy age of the Internet in which we live... changes the ways and maybe some of the rules about how we communicate. Allows everyone to voice an opinion and often times without any consequences thanks to anonymous postings.

What I need is to cultivate my online persona some more. Where you can read a joke like that and say, "Oh, that's just Allison." Yeah, that's what I need to do. You all just don't know me. I LIKE BLUE HUMOR! And I will continue to enjoy jokes that are uncomfortable. I will continue to laugh at YouTube videos where little kids get hurt. And I will continue to write charade clues that include the phrase "raping my dead grandma" whenever I play charades. Because that's who I am, people! That's who I am! 

(Please love me.) 

Facebook Updates Past

My facebook update on this day in 2009:

Allison knows how to take care of the baby and she knows how to take care of the two older kids... but she doesn't know how to take care of all of them simultaneously.

 My facebook update on this day in 2010:

Just got in to Colorado and the first thing I did was get my library card! Won't have internet at home for a couple of days, but will update more when we do.

Pretty much sums up what I've been up to the last couple of years, huh?

I thought of some other things that I've been doing lately (as per Friday's post)...

1. Not exercising very much.

2. Getting adjusted a lot (at least 2-3 times a week).

I'm not so sure about the not exercising part (in terms of making me feel good), but I do think that chiropractic has something to do with it. I've been getting adjusted regularly (as in 2-3 times a week) for a year now, and it's a really, really good thing.

Life's Documentary

Where have I been? In my mind, mostly. It's a good place, and it's been a good summer.

I've been thinking... what have I been doing to feel this good? Because I need to keep up with it so that I always feel this way. Supplements: magnesium, cod liver oil, high-vitamin butter oil, vitamin b-complex, vitamin d (if it's raining or overcast). Meditating almost every day. Eating well and not caring about when I don't eat well. Reading a lot. Enjoying the moments. Living in the present. Watching America's Got Talent (shhhh... don't tell the TV-snob side of me that).

New train of thought: I have this idea for a documentary. And I seem to have diarrhea of the mouth about this, because, for some reason, I've been telling anyone that will listen (except for you guys... not yet) about my documentary idea. And I think I'm letting the diarrhea run out of my mouth on this because I want to hold myself accountable and actually get this thing made.

So now, I just need to figure out how to do that.