Christmas Card 2017

The Kuznia Quiz!

The front side:

The back side: 

Chapter Books We've Read to Our Kids

For posterity's sake, so we can remember what books to read to the next line of kids coming up:

Series

Chronicles of Narnia
Harry Potter
Ivy and Bean
Elvis and Olive
Clementine
Gooney Bird
Gregor the Overlander
Wizard of Oz
Series of Unfortunate Events
All the Wrong Questions
Spiderwick Chronicles
Mysterious Benedict Society
Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Stink
Judy Moody
Pippi Longstocking
Katie Kazoo (some)
George Brown (some)
Magic Treehouse (some)
Rainbow Fairies (some)
The Boxcar Children (some)
Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew (some)

Author

Roald Dahl

    Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
    Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
    The BFG
    James and the Giant Peach
    The Witches
    Fantastic Mr. Fox
    The Twits
    Danny, The Champion of the World
    George’s Marvelous Medicine
    Matilda
    Boy, Tales of Childhood
    Esio Trot
    The Enormous Crocdile

Beverly Cleary

    Beezus and Ramona
    The Mouse and the Motorcycle
    Ribsy
    Ralph S. Mouse
    Ramona the Pest
    Henry Huggins
    Ramona Quimby, Age 8
    Ramona and her Father
    Ramona the Brave
    Ramona Forever
    Ramona’s World
    Henry and Beezus
    Ramona and Her Mother
    Runaway Ralph
    Henry and Ribsy
    Henry and the Clubhouse
    Henry and the Paper Route

Andrew Clements

    Frindle
    No Talking
    The Report Card
    The School Story
    Lunch Money
    Extra Credit

Kate DiCamillo

    Because of Winn-Dixie
    The Tale of Despereaux
    The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
    Flora and Ulysses
    The Tiger Rising
    Raymie Nightingale
    The Magician’s Elephant

Judy Blume

    Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing
    Superfudge
    Doublefudge
    Fudge-a-Mania
    Soupy Saturdays with the Pain and the Great One
    Friend or Fiend with the Pain and the Great One
    Going, Going, Gone! with the Pain and the Great One

Other Books

Wonder
Bridge to Terabithia
Where the Red Fern Grows
Old Yeller
Black Beauty
Trumpet of the Swans
Pollyanna
White Fang
Call of the Wild
The Giggler Treatment
Summer of the Crows
A Wrinkle in Time
A Wind in the Door
Red
Jack
When Life Gives You O.J.
The Last Newspaper Boy in America
The Lemonade Wars
Strawberry Girl
Charlotte’s Web
Shiloh
Bud, Not Buddy
Number the Stars
The Giver
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
The Graveyard Book
Mr. Popper’s Penguins
Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library
Mr. Lemoncello’s Library Olympics
Winnie the Pooh
The House at Pooh Corner
Return to the Hundred Acre Wood
Crenshaw
The One and Only Ivan
The Fourteenth Goldfish
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Lafcadio
Ella Enchanted
Holes
The Year of Billy Miller
Olive’s Ocean
Bird Lake Moon
Sun and Spoon
When You Reach Me
Liar & Spy
Goodbye Stranger
How to Eat Fried Worms
The Fourth Stall
Stuart Little
The Secret Garden
The Indian in the Cupboard

Big, Exciting News!

Caramelized Onion with Bacon and Fig Jam

Really good. Everybody liked it.

Here is the recipe:

Pizza dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)8 oz bacon, chopped
1 onion, sliced
1/4 teaspoon thyme
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup fig jam
2 cups shredded mozzarella

Cook the bacon in a medium skillet set over medium heat until crispy. Remove the bacon to a paper towel-lined plate.

Add the onions, thyme, and salt to the pan, stirring to coat. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions begin to soften and release some moisture, about 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, stirring frequently, until the onions are deeply browned, about 20-25 more minutes.

Spread the fig jam in an even layer over the dough, leaving a small border around the edge. Top with the crumbled bacon, caramelized onions and mozzarella.

Bake at 425 for 15 minutes.

Berry with Arugula and Prosciutto Pizza

This pizza was really good, although my mom found it a little weird.

Here is the recipe:

Pizza dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
½ cup ricotta cheese
8 ounces fresh mozzarella cheese
About 12 or so strawberries, sliced
½ cup raspberries
2 cups arugula leaves
4 slices prosciutto
2 sprigs fresh mint leaves
Red pepper flakes
Spread 2 tablespoons or so of the ricotta cheese on the crust then layer with half of the mozzarella cheese. Top with half of the strawberries and half of the raspberries.

Cook for 10-15 minutes or until cheese is melted and crust is golden. Top with arugula leaves then tear the prosciutto into strips and add to the arugula. Sprinkle with fresh mint and a drizzle of olive oil. Season with red pepper flakes.

Spicy Turkey, Leek and Asparagus Pizza

This pizza was about what you could expect from a ground turkey, leek, and asparagus. No surprises here. It was good. Solid. Filling. Nothing really that special.

Here is the recipe:

Pizza dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
1/2 pound asparagus
2 tsp olive oil
1 T butter
2 large leeks, sliced
1-1/4 tsp salt, divided
1/2 tsp black pepper, divided
1 pound ground turkey
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1/8 tsp fennel seeds
8 oz mozzarella cheese, shredded

Prepare the asparagus: Lay each spear on the counter and hold by the tough end. With a vegetable peeler, shave long ribbons by sliding the peeler from the base to the top of the stalk. Repeat with remaining stalks. Discard tough stem ends. In a small bowl, toss the shavings with 2 tsp olive oil and 1/2 tsp salt. Set aside.

In a large skillet, heat 1 T butter. Add leeks, 1/4 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper. Cook leeks until softened, about 8 minutes, then transfer to a plate. Cook ground turkey, remaining 1/2 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper, red pepper flakes, and fennel. Saute until the meat is fully cooked.

Spread pizza dough in large cookie sheet. Brush dough liberally with olive oil, then top with the leeks, turkey, and cheese. Pile the asparagus on top. (It may seem like a lot of asparagus, but it will cook down as it bakes.) Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes.

Steakhouse Pizza

This was a good pizza (although my husband didn't think it was anything special). But, even so, it wasn't worth all the trouble that went into making it. There were too many steps.

Here is the recipe:

Pizza dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
1 cup *white pizza sauce
1 lb. steak, cooked and thinly sliced
4 T *Gorgonzola butter  (melted)
*Crispy onion rings

Spread pizza dough in large cookie sheet. Spread white pizza sauce over the dough. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes. Arrange steak slices on top of pizza and drizzle with melted Gorgonzola butter. Top with crispy onion rings.


* Gorgonzola Butter
2 heads roasted garlic
1/2 cup unsalted butter (at room temperature)
1/3 cup Gorgonzola cheese
1/4 tsp black pepper

In a small bowl, mash roasted garlic until smooth. Add the butter, stir to combine. Stir in Gorgonzola and black pepper.


* White Pizza Sauce
2 T butter
2 T flour
1 cup milk
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp salt

Melt butter. Whisk in flour and heat milk until thickened. Add spices.


*Crispy Onion Rings
1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup milk plus 1 T vinegar)
1 large sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 cup flour
1 T garlic powder
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp sea salt
1 cup coconut oil (for frying)

Place thinly sliced onion rings in a large bowl. Pour buttermilk over, toss to coat. Let stand for one hour. In another large bowl, mix flour and spices. Set aside.

Pour oil into a large pot. Working in small batches, shake excess buttermilk off and coat with flour mixture. Shake off excess flour and carefully drop into heated oil. Fry until golden brown.

Here's a video review:

Jalapeno Popper Pizza

This one is an acquired taste. If you like jalapenos, you will like this pizza. And if you don't, well...

Here's the recipe:

Pizza Dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
16 oz bacon, diced
2 T olive oil
4 jalapenos, sliced
8 oz cream cheese
2 cups Monterey Jack cheese, shredded

Spread dough on a large cookie sheet.

Cook bacon until crispy.

In a small bowl, combine olive oil and jalapenos. Set aside

Spread cream cheese over pizza dough. Top with bacon, jalapeno mixture, and cheese.

Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

Spinach Artichoke Pizza

This was just okay. Kind of bland. The family gave it an average rating of 7.1 out of 10.

Here's the recipe:

Pizza Dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
1 T olive oil
3 cloves garlic, chopped
2 cups cheese, shredded
13 oz can artichoke hearts, drained and quartered
1-1/2 cups fresh spinach

Spread dough on large cookie sheet.

Mix the olive oil and garlic in small dish, then spread on pizza. Top with 1 cup cheese, artichokes, and spinach. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup of cheese.

Bake at 400 degrees for 14 minutes.

Charred Corn and Avocado Pizza

We were a little worried about this pizza because it didn't have a sauce attached to it, but it ended up being really good!

Here's the recipe:

Pizza Dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)
2 cups Pepper Jack cheese, shredded
2 cups frozen corn
1 poblano pepper, diced
1/3 cup chopped cilantro, optional  
2 avocados, sliced
Juice from one lime
Sriracha sauce, for serving

Cook corn in skillet for 5 minutes. Top pizza with cheese, corn kernels, peppers, and cilantro (optional). Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes. Remove from oven and top with avocado slices. Squeeze fresh lime juice over the pizza. Serve with Sriracha sauce, if desired.

Here's a little video we made on it:

May 2017 Blog Income Report

Well, everybody, it doesn't look like I'm making much headway on my earnings. I guess that will happen when I hardly update and pay very little attention to this blog.

But we're making pizzas again, everybody! Pizzas!

BBQ Bacon Mango Pizza

The kids really liked this pizza. I thought it was pretty good too, but maybe a little too sweet.

Here's the recipe:

Pizza Dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)

For the sauce:

1 mango
3/4 cup BBQ sauce

Put into blender. Puree.

Toppings:

1/2 red onion, thinly sliced, and caramelized
1 mango, chopped
8 oz bacon, cooked and chopped
2 cups cheese (we use raw milk cheddar from Trader Joe's

Spread sauce over pizza dough. Top with half the toppings, all of the cheese, and then the other half of the toppings. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

Smoky Lemon Pizza

I'm thinking of starting up our Unique Pizza Recipes again. Maybe.

We made this a couple of days ago. It was really good.

1/2 cup prepared pesto
2 cups smoked mozzarella cheese, shredded
2 lemons, thinly sliced, seeds removed
3 T honey
Salt
1 tsp red pepper flakes
Pizza Dough (use whatever recipe you want, this is what we use)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Make pizza dough and spread onto greased pizza pan (we use a cookie sheet). Spread pesto over dough. Sprinkle with cheese. Scatter on lemon slices. Season lightly with salt. Drizzle with honey. Sprinkle with red pepper flakes.

Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes.

My April 2017 Blog Income Report

Hey, look everybody. I made $4.76 in April. Not as good as last month, but considering I'm not putting up very good content and that the ads people are seeing are pretty stupid, it's not bad. So, this puts my total up to $48.45, which means I'm almost half way to $100!

Book Report - April

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this month's Book Report! Here are your books for this month:



Ready Player One - by Ernest Cline is so good, you guys! It made me feel like I was playing a video game, something I did a lot of when I was a good. And just real good writing and story and all that stuff too. It's being made into a movie, so read it now so we can all go to the movie together!






The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo - by Amy Schumer is super funny and it turns out that Amy Schumer can really write. This is on par with Tina Fey's Bossypants everybody! Tina Fey's Bossypants!





Commonwealth - by Ann Patchett spans several decades, and I tend to really like books that span a lot of decades. I like getting to see how the characters evolve over time.





Seinfeldia: How a Show About Nothing Changed Everything - by Jennifer Armstrong was a real fun and well done telling of all things Seinfeldian. If you've ever watched the show, you'll love this book.

Cat Wine

I was watching Shark Tank the other day, and an entrepreneur was looking to get a deal for his cat wine products.

Cat wine, people. Cat wine.

The cat wine had names such as Pinot Meow, Moscato, White Kittendel, Meowmosa, Catbernet, Meowgarita... you get the idea. (The product didn't contain any actual alcohol, just stuff like cat nip and beets.)

He went into the shark tank after selling this stuff for only 3 months, and he had already made $192,000 in sales.

$192,000 in sales, people. $192,000. For cat wine.

So, this got me to thinking...

If this guy can sell $192,000 in cat wine in three months, surely I can sell, oh, I don't know, let's say $500 a month for my movie every month. That can't be too hard, right? People are always getting pregnant and having babies, so there will always be new people in the market to see this movie.

Currently, I am averaging around $100/month in profits for my movie. (People stream it through Amazon.com for $2.99. Amazon takes a 50% cut, I get the rest. That's an average of 66 people streaming the movie each month.)

So, for the next several months, I'm going to actively work on marketing my movie more. This is something I should have done a long time ago, but never felt like doing. But, I feel like doing it now because, well, because of the cat wine. My marketing campaign will basically involve doing stuff on Pinterest (I know, Pinterest, right? Marketing on Pinterest is a thing, I guess) and writing guest blog posts on blogs much more popular than this one. That's the plan. That's where I'm going to start.

Let me know if you have any other ideas.

Seriously, cat wine. I don't understand the world.

(He ended up making a deal too: $100,000 for 20% of his company to Kevin.)

Ezra and Peace Create Their Own Recipes!

When I found (on Pinterest) and made a recipe for Million Dollar Spaghetti last week, I came to the conclusion that anybody could make a recipe. All you do is add a bunch of stuff that you like. As in the case of the Million Dollar Spaghetti, which consisted of noodles and spaghetti sauce, and lots and lots of cheese.

So, I told my kids that they should come up with a recipe. And they did! (Well, at least 2 out of the 4 did).

Peace made a bacon, ground beef, cheese and spaghetti casserole

And Ezra made a pasta with cheese, cream and ground beef.

And they made it all themselves and it was lovely.

Vern + My Mom

It occurred to me this weekend that my mom met the person who would go on to become my husband (that's Vern, for those of you following along at home) when she was 42 years old. My mom is now almost 65 years old, so they have known each other for almost 23 years. They are the best of friends and they talk to each other every day and text constantly. I'm kidding about all that stuff, but they do stuff like fart around each other, say inappropriate things while playing board games and have seen each other in their pajamas, so how much closer can two people get, really?

(They also pose for pictures like this for me just because I ask them to.)

Then, it occurred to me that I am going to be 42 years old in two short years! What people have I yet to meet that will go on to have such an impact on my life? A younger fellow that I can fart around and make jokes with and sit on his knee and stuff? I can't wait! And grandkids and stuff like that? Whole other beings who are yet to be created? That is going to be amazing.

Life is so weird, when you think about it, people. So weird. I can't wrap my head around stuff like this sometimes.

Baby Bird

You have to watch this adorable video. It's what Solomon does almost every time Vernon comes home. Check it out:

My March 2017 Blog Income Report

As I mentioned at the beginning of this month, I'm blogging again so that I can gain access to the $35 that has been sitting in my AdSense account for years. You can only cash in once the income threshold is reached, which is $100, so I've started actively blogging again in an attempt to reach that threshold.

So, I decided to update you monthly with my progress. You know, like all of those blogging professionals out there who put out their monthly income reports (which are in excess of thousands and thousands of dollars) and make it look easy, like it's something mere mortals like myself can accomplish.

Anyway, here is an update of how I'm doing:

Last month, I made $8.68 in Ad Revenue. Add that to the $35.01 that was sitting there for years, and I'm up to $43.69! Only $56.31 until I can cash in. If I continue at this rate, I'll get there in another 6-1/2 months.

Here's a fun little game that we can play:

What sorts of ads are you seeing? I'm curious. I think they're different for everybody, and targeted specifically for what you're looking at on the internet (maybe, I'm not exactly sure how they do it). Please put your response in the comment section or in the thread on Facebook (which will probably be a more popular option).

Educational Ideologies

About a month ago, Ezra was doing research on Walt Disney for a class report. He got one of those Who Was books about him:


You know how when you think something is really cool, you go and put a bunch of library books on hold about it? (C'mon, I know we've all done this. In our excitement we put a bunch of books on hold, and then we lose interest and don't end up reading them all, right?)

Well, Ezra was really interested in these Who Was (and also Who Is) books, so he put a bunch of them on hold from the library. And by "a bunch", I mean 74.

They all come in, and I ask Ezra what the heck he was thinking. (Of course I knew, as I have done this myself. Not to this egregious extent, but still...) And then I asked him if he was going to read them all. He said, uhhh. And then I said, I'll give you $10 if you read them all. (It was more of a dare, and wanting to see him follow through on all these books that he checked out, then actually wanting him to be externally motivated by money to read.) And he said, okay.

So, now, about one month later, he has read all 74 of these books.

Each book took around 40 minutes to read (so, to tally it up for you, that's around 49 total hours of reading). The books ranged from:

Who Was Alexander Graham Bell?
Who Was Jesse Owens?
Who Was Queen Elizabeth?
Who Was Leonardo da Vinci?
to
Who Was Seabiscuit?
Who Was Michael Jackson?

This also happened to coincide with the kids Reach for the Stars reading incentive program at their school, which I usually poo-poo and mock for being a way to externally motivate kids to read. But, judging by his numbers, he will probably end up being the Star Reader in his class. Peace is doing it as well and she went from not reading very much to reading (stupid fairy) chapter books during this reading incentive program.

Darn these results for messing with my educational ideologies!

How I Feel About Making Midwife - 3 Years Later

So, where last I left off on this blog, before I started just posting a bunch of recipes and then nothing but Valentine's Day pictures and Christmas cards, I was talking about how making my documentary (Midwife, see below) affected me.

I wrote stuff like:

After the premiere, I was expecting to be able to breathe again. When I was driving from the premiere to the after-party, I thought I would exhale and  feel normal again.
But I didn't. I still felt stressed, even after it was all said and done.

and

And I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from all this. I don't know if it is good, to give myself challenges in life, and to grow and learn from them (part of me says yes). Or if putting myself through that is just not worth it (part of me says yes to this as well).

It seemed to do a real number on my brain chemicals for awhile, you know? It took me quite awhile to get back to feeling like myself again (whatever that means).

So, I wanted to update you a bit on how I'm feeling about it now, almost 3-1/2 years later:

I think it was good. I can look at it now and say that I am happy that I challenged myself. I am happy I made this movie, and I am happy that I put it out there for the world to see. (This is a rough estimate, since there is know way for me to know for sure, but I think around 15,000-20,000 people have probably seen the film.)

It was hard to put myself in a place of vulnerability, in making the movie and putting it out there to be seen and judged by other people. But, ultimately, I am glad that I did. I think that it was worth it.

It only took me 3-1/2 years to realize that though.

Here's a link to the film if you want to see it:

Book Report - March

I read a lot of books. I thought I would put some of my book recommendations here, because it seems like people are always looking for good books to read. So, I've vetted out the below par books for you (you're welcome), and I'm only posting the books that I consider VERY good (this means I rate them at least 4 out of 5 stars).

If you like reading this blog, you'll probably have similar tastes in books as me, so these will probably be very good recommendations for you. Enjoy!

(Note: Since this is my first Book Report, I'm playing a little bit of catch-up with books I've read over the past couple of months. I'll catch up with myself soon enough.)




The Hopefuls - by Jennifer Close is a great marriage / relationship book about an up-and-coming politician and his lovely / smart / independent wife who goes along for the ride.






But What If We're Wrong? - by Chuck Klosterman is a book that will make you re-examine the world as you know it. (I love books that make me re-examine the world as I know it!) Just look at it's cover... it's upside down! Clever.






This Must Be the Place - by Maggie O'Farrell is storytelling at its finest. She weaves a good tale about a man finding his place in the world, losing it, finding it again.





The Nix - by Nathan Hill is one of the BEST books I've read all year. It's long. It's good. It's pretty epic. One of the best things about this book was that it was ultimately a story about a man and his mother. How often do you see a story focused on that relationship? It was so well done.





Hillbilly Elegy - by J.D. Vance was a well-drawn out look into the hillbilly culture. Eye-opening and thoughtful. A fast and easy read.