Christmas 2011 - I Spy

Merry Christmas, from someone who doesn't blog that much anymore, but hopes that you'll appreciate her Christmas greetings nonetheless.

Here's our card for this year. Look in the November 2010 archives to see Christmas cards from years past.

Pollyanna

by Eleanor H. Porter
256 pages

I haven't been reading a lot of chapter books with the kids lately because Vern usually handles most of bedtime with the older kids (he's on the last of the Chronicles of Narnia books), and Peace makes it hard for me to read to the kids any other time. But we did manage to finish this book.

It was lovely. Pollyanna plays 'the glad game' where she finds something to be glad about with anything that happens. It's sweet and something that we should all be play in our everyday lives.

When you read this book, you'll have to try not to laugh at the amount of times the author uses the words "ejaculate" and "erect" in everyday speak. ("Well, I never! Now, what does she mean by that?" ejaculated Mrs. Snow.) It's funny and constant.

"Exciting at the end, and I liked the glad game." - Ezra, age 6

"I really, really, really, really, really liked it. And it is a good book. I recommend reading it." - Ocean, age 8

"Stop reading Pollyanna Mama." - Peace, age 2

On Happiness

I haven't been happy lately.

Then it occurred to me that there might be something about winter. Remember last winter, when I was going on and on about those knives? And the winter before that, when I was just going through that weird postpartum stuff with Peace?And now this year, with the stupid cancer and family drama stuff?

But now I'm starting to think that none of those things had anything to do with it. Now I'm starting to think that it is just because it's the onset of winter.

Because remember, in the summer, I was all like, I haven't updated much because I'm so happy?

Because it was summer then. And now it is winter. And I'm finding it hard to smile.

I think I might need one of those Full Spectrum Light things.

That is all.

Homebirth

Oh, homebirths are so wonderful.

I took photos at a birth the other night (click here if you want to see them), and it has occurred to me that more people should have homebirths because you just won't have moments/pictures like this in a hospital. (And I didn't even put up the pictures that showed the baby being born in the caul... you won't get that in a hospital either).

Why are only 1% doing it? Study upon study has shown that it is just as safe as a hospital birth (minus all those interventions). I think that part of it is because some women don't even realize that it is an option. That's why I'm telling you. (Because, if you haven't had a homebirth, you don't know what you're missing.)

On a related note: I'm going to see Ina May Gaskin talk tonight.

Oh, Peace

Sometimes I try to sneak off and go to the bathroom without Peace. But then she finds me and screams at me to go to the bathroom again. So I do. (Or, at least, I pretend to.)

Why do I do this, you may ask?

Because it's easier.

Because two years olds are unreasonable and it's easier than listening to the screaming.

So, the whole family is very accommodating to Peace, not wanting to make the loud noises start. ("Don't do that, you might make her cry." "Quick, put the monkey back on the dresser. That's where she wants it.") We're like that one family in Twilight Zone: The Movie. The family that does anything the young boy says (because if they don't, he will remove their mouths).

Some may say that we're spoiling her, but they are wrong. This is not about spoiling. This is about not wanting to listen to the screaming because it hurts our ears.

She is utterly incapable of being reasoned with... because she's two. So, this is what we do.

I am not particularly that familiar with this type of two year old behavior, because my oldest was always quiet and my middlest was always happy.

The only other thing that can be done at times like that is a parenting technique called "distraction" or "re-direction". This is where if she screams at me to go to the bathroom again, I respond with something clever like, "Hey, look at that couch!" or "Do you want to get a banana?"

But this tactic takes more time and effort (not to mention bananas), because you have to think of something (it's not as easy as it looks).

One time, we were at the park, and I tried to be all authoritative and insisted that she get down from the slide because it was time to go home. She didn't want to, so I removed her from the slide and strapped her in the stroller ("Hey look! A stroller!). We started walking home. And she screamed and screamed and somehow managed to wriggle her way out of being buckled in her stroller. It was obviously not going to work, so we turned around and I put her back on the slide. She sat there for a little while, slid down, and then was ready to go home.

So, that's the last time I try to be authoritative with a two year old. They just don't get it.

Here is a quote that I like that I think is reflective of Peace:

You'll find it easier to stay present if you hold this thought: Children who have strong feelings are blessed with strong Inner Guidance. - Scott Noelle.

I have felt since Day One that Peace knows what she wants out of life. I don't want to stifle that in her or tell her that what she's feeling is wrong. She knows what she wants out of life, and she's upset when she doesn't get it. (Hmm... sound like anybody else you know? Now, if only I could stop acting like a toddler.)

Balki Bartokomous Talks About Tom Cruise

For reasons unbeknownst to anybody (including myself), I was looking up stuff on actor Bronson Pinchot today (you know, the actor who played Balki Bartokomous in the groundbreaking television show Perfect Strangers).

Anyway, I came across this little gem of a quote, where Bronson talks about his Risky Business co-star, Tom Cruise:

"He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, "You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?"

Just thought that was too good not to share. That is the best unrelated gay comment I have ever heard.

(This is how I spend my Saturday nights, people. Jealous?)

Stop It

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions lately. One minute I'm happy and detached, the next, I'm writing weird things about candles and ultrasounds.

I was complaining about something to Vernon the other night (it was probably about how I can't stop having thoughts like a crazy person), and he showed me this video:



Enough said.

Candles and Ultrasounds

I was driving around a cemetery tonight (because who doesn't like cemeteries?), and I saw a bunch of candles lit up. Upon closer inspection, it turns out that they weren't real candles at all, but battery-operated ones. (Which made me wonder how it was that the whole cemetery was lit up with them at once. There must have been at least 20. Were they on some sort of timer? Do battery-operated things even have timers? Does someone come out every night to turn them on?)

But enough about all that. It's all pretext for the thought that came next, which was something along the lines of how much I love candles. Real, actual candles. The ones with flames that you light with a match. Or a lighter. Or whatever have you.

And then I got to thinking about how when people give birth in a hospital, they can't have real candles. They can only have those battery-operated ones. And I got to thinking how sucky and pathetic that was. Those stupid, fake candles. All those people giving births in hospitals without any real candles.

Poor things.

And that started to make me angry about other things. (I've been angry a lot lately, due to other circumstances... those other circumstances mainly having to do with internal issues which I haven't quite figured out how to remedy yet. Our outside life is a reflection of our internal, remember that.)

So, anyway, then I started to get angry about this picture of a 6 week ultrasound on facebook from someone I used to know (who I am almost 99% sure doesn't read this blog so I feel like I can write about this freely without getting into trouble. But, I'm not really saying anything bad about him/her, just my reaction to it. That's fair, right? I'm allowed to have feelings. Plus, they're just doing what the rest of society is doing. What do they care what I think?)

But, anyway, I started thinking, are hospitals doing 6 week ultrasounds now? Really? (I don't really keep abreast of what hospitals are doing anymore, because it's a waste of my time, and I don't really care.)

But, the topic of ultrasounds has always annoyed me. I just don't understand the purpose of them. Or, the "routine use of them", I should say (so I don't get in trouble). I mean, if they find something *wrong* (and what is "wrong" anyway), "doctors aren't going to be able to do anything about it anyway" (that was a quote from my mom, people. My mom.)

So, what's the point? Or, if that IS the point, then why get more of them? Isn't one just good enough? And why at 6 weeks? What is a 6 week ultrasound going to tell you (besides dates)?

And nobody but me seems to care about the effects of ultrasound anyway.

A large study in the United States of more than 15,000 pregnant women showed no improvement in the mortality rate of the babies if ultrasound is routinely used during pregnancy.

And a couple of studies showed that ultrasounds increased left-handedness. Now, that may not seem like much on the surface, because what's the big deal about being left-handed? But what it does show is that ultrasounds DO affect neurological development in some way (because otherwise there wouldn't be an increase in left-handedness)... so how ELSE does it affect it?

Not to mention that ultrasounds sound like jackhammers to the poor little fetuses. And most people don't even know that Dopplers and the Electronic Fetal Monitor are also forms of ultrasound (it's not just about the scan). The EFM is really a big one. And some women are on it for a long time when they're in labor (and, unlike the scan, it's a continuous form of ultrasound). So, don't even get me started on the EFM. (Don't get me started. Don't even get me started.)

I wonder if my husband remembered to pick up the kids from religion.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that ultrasounds are going to ruin a kid's life. Obviously, 99% of kids today are walking around having had an ultrasound prenatally, and they seem be doing alright (although, what is the definition of "alright" anyway)? But there really is so much more too it.

"In fact, the FDA and professional medical associations know that prenatal ultrasound can be dangerous to humans, which is why they have consistently warned against the nonmedical or keepsake ultrasound portrait studios that have cropped up in malls throughout the country."

So, I'm not the only one saying it.

But enough about that. So, did Vernon remember to pick the kids up or not? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just such a naturalist. None of this non-real candles, ultrasound stuff makes any sense to me.

I was reading this post in the Bad Catholic blog, and he ends it with this statement:

"The point is this: My Dear Catholics, do not be afraid to proclaim the Gospel with confidence. There existed an age that demanded incredible subtlety, an age when heresies made actual claims and a time for delicate evangelization. This, the Age of Stupidity, is not it. This is an age that requires us to boldly claim absolutes, for no one else is doing so."

So, birth is my truth, and I want to proclaim it. Nobody believes in it anymore. We living in the Age of Stupidity, and people don't know the truth. I just want to tell people the truth.

I know that I can't change people (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change), but I certainly don't need to stop proclaiming the truth. About birth. About candles. About cancer. About everything. Or not. I don't even know anymore. I'm losing interest in this already.

Now where is Vern? They should have been home by now.

Oh, there they are. They're home.

Here is a good song. Good night.

Something People Don't Tell You

Much like how weird it is to poop the first time after giving birth, or how sometimes you will buckle the kids up early just so you can go back into the house to have a minute to yourself, there is something else that people don't tell you about when you have kids...

You're eventually going to have to start doubling meals.

See, when you first have a kid, meal-planning is easy. You pretty much eat the same as you did before kids because the babe is just sucking on the boob for the first year of life.

But then they grow up. And then you have another kid. And another.

And you're left in the position that I am in today. On the threshold of having to double meals for my family.

The time has come, but I am resisting it. Just when I have a good system in place, I have to go and figure out something new.

Some people have commented to me how, since we're living with Vern's brother, he's lucky to have someone cook for him (because they mistakenly assume that either because I am, 1) a woman, or 2) living rent-free in his home, that I am cooking for him). Little do they know that I struggle enough with feeding my own family, that I feel utterly incapable of feeding another mouth.

This cooking stuff is not easy, people. It really is a full-time job. You have to plan the meals, buy the food for said meals, clean up after the meals, so on and so forth, three meals a day, seven days a week. It's never ending.

I enjoy cooking, for the most part, but there is something about doing it day in and day out that makes the activity tedious and chore-like some of the time.

And then, add to that, all the other basic household stuff that you have to do... like picking up toys, laundry, etc. If you're a normal person, a family of five is going to generate a lot of laundry, possibly making it on par with the "making meals" thing. But, if you're me, well, you know how I feel about laundry. And, on top of all that, you're supposed to find time to tend to and interact with your children. (And kudos to mothers who work outside the home as well. I don't know how you do it.)

I don't even know how I'm going to go about doubling some of my recipes... like, will I need to use another skillet (because some of my recipes fill my already-big skillet to the brim already). How much leftovers will we have and how will I account for those with meal planning for the next day (like, I imagine we'll have some leftovers, but not enough to feed the whole family again).

It's not easy, I tell you. It's not easy.

I just thought I'd let you know, in case nobody else does.

(And, also, it's going to feel weird to poop for the first time after you have a baby.)

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

My last post was kind of weird. I sounded like I was on pot or something.

So, here's what's been going on:

I'm feeling better about all that other stuff that was going on. As a matter of fact, I'm at a point now where I don't even know WHY I got so worked up in the first place. Part of it, is just coming to a point, a level of detachment, where it doesn't really matter what other people are doing. (I talked about this before in my, "I don't care if people circumcise" post.) It doesn't mean that you don't care about the people, it just means that you don't care so much about their process.

It's like, with the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

The problem with me, at times, is that I think I can change everything. That's not necessarily a bad quality to have, but there has to be a point where the "wisdom to know the difference" steps in.

Like, I can't change the fact the my father-in-law will probably get chemo. I can't change my cousin's mind about circumcising or vaccinating his children. I couldn't change my mom's mind about getting her gallbladder removed.

And that's okay.

It doesn't mean that I can't try, but I do have to recognize when to stop and just let things be. Different people. Different journeys.

And I'm okay with that. Finally, I'm okay with that.

A Pit of Corn

I was laying in a pit of corn today, looking up at the ceiling, and thinking, "This is what my life has come to. I'm just a girl laying in a pit of corn, looking up at the ceiling."

Which isn't much different from what I used to be (you know, before kids and family life).

See, I've always been drawn to activities such as this. I carved a pumpkin every year long before having kids. And when I was 19, I remember dragging Vern to the lighting of a Christmas tree in East Grand Forks. We were the only ones there, except for a TV crew.

So, needless to say, I've never been the person hitting the clubs, or living the high life.

I have always just been the girl laying in a pit of corn, looking up at the ceiling.

Or the girl sitting by a tree, reading a book.

Or the girl sitting at the Pizza Ranch, eating 15 slices of pizza.

And I think that's important to remember.

I was reading this article about a rural Minnesota birth center, where it talked a little about the dynamics and politics behind birth in the metro area. ("...natural birthing as fitting the current cultural zeitgeist, part of the impulse for sustainable, organic everything.") And it said, "Of course, out on the prairie, none of this seems to matter. The tangle of politics, the academic debate, Ricki Lake—these are all senselessly frivolous city concerns."

Senselessly frivolous city concerns. I'm tired of senselessly frivolous city concerns. Where things are over-thought out, trying too hard, and anxious about everything (gluten, dairy, rear-facing car seats, eating local, etc).

I want to return to a simpler time and and focus on doing the simple things in life that I love (which includes living a good, healthy lifestyle), and not worry about the rest of it.

I like being that girl, laying in a pit of corn, looking up at the ceiling.

It's simple. It's nice. It's part of who I am.

A Giant Ball of Twine

In my previous post, I had mentioned something about going to see a ball of twine in Iowa (because a giant ball of twine seemed like something that Iowa would have). Little did I know that the World's Largest Ball of Twine (made by one man) was actually located in Minnesota only 1-1/2 hours from my house! (Weird Al actually wrote a song about it. Yes, it is THAT cool.)

So, I my kids and I went to see it.

On the way, we stopped at our favorite restaurant on road trips: Pizza Ranch.

This is what I ate:

And no, I didn't eat this much food because I've been feeling stressed out lately. This is how much I normally eat at the Pizza Ranch.

Anyway, so, on we continued to the little town of Darwin, Minnesota, population 279.  I had called Roger ahead of time and we were scheduled for a "tour" at 1:30. We got there a little early, so the kids played at a park that had a REAL teeter-totter and merry-go-round. It was very exciting.

And then, on to the Twine Ball:

They said that the twine ball gets around 5,000 visitors every year, with people coming from all over the world. It is 12 feet in diameter and weighs over 10,000 pounds. It was pretty awesome, and well worth the trip.

Then, of course, after our 15 minutes spent at the Twine Ball and its museum, there really wasn't much more to do in Darwin, Minnesota, so we headed back.

On our way, we stopped at this hill just outside of Darwin:

It was really nice, and it gave me the space I've been longing for. (For 5 minutes anyway, then Peace started whimpering, "Want to go back home now." She was cold.)

The Giant Ball of Twine didn't provide for me the answers to all of life's questions. (I asked, but it remained silent.) And the drive didn't provide me with that much time to think and process things, but it was still a worthwhile trip.

Just ask Weird Al Yankovic. He knows.

I'm Running Away

I know it probably doesn't qualify as running away if I'm telling everyone that I'm running away, but here is what I am running away from:

1) Cancer / Family Dynamics

2) Vernon Not Making Any Money

3) Living Here

I'm really angry and disappointed over the fact that my father-in-law trusts medical doctors over his own son. And I am having a hard time getting over this. A very hard time. (And, don't worry, I'm not saying anything here that I haven't said to everybody in person. That was a really fun conversation.)

Vern doesn't care. Well, one day he REALLY cared, and I felt bad for him and angry with him, and so I started caring about it too. On his behalf. I wanted his father to believe him. To have faith in him. To believe IN him. But then Vern calmed down, gained perspective, and cooled off over the whole thing.

But I haven't.

(And I get confused by how Vern feels one way one day and a different way the next. Always changing from one emotion to the next.)

Because I need some time and space to process these things.

But I don't have my own space! I don't have my own house. I don't have my own furniture. I don't have my own anything.

What I do have, that is my own space, is this blog.

So I come here to process things.

But then I can't, because people won't let me, and I have to remove posts (really nice posts too, where I tried really hard to keep it about my perspective and nothing else. I didn't even call anybody a douche bag or anything).

Which brings me to point 2, because then I start resenting Vern for not making any money so that we can move out of here. I mean, how is Vern supposed to be a successful chiropractor / health professional if he can't even teach his own father about health? (Ironic, isn't it, that now here I am resenting the man I'm trying so fiercely to stick up for and support.) Vern has obviously had other things on his mind lately (trying to save his dad), so he hasn't really been focusing on the business. So, I get stressed, start wanting my own space, AND I start resenting Vern for not working harder to get us that.

And I don't want to do that.

Which is why I need to run away.

Because the car is my own space.

I need a road trip to clear my head and calm everything down up there. It's nobody's fault. Nothing needs to be "fixed" here. I'm totally fine with Vern not making any money and living here when I'm not stressed. I recognize that it is just me and that it is really not that big of a deal.

When I get stressed, I need to go internal. Vern keeps pushing me and pushing me, and I start to crumble. And I can't deal with that right now either.

So, it's not even running away so much as to get away from problems inasmuch as it is a way to have a space to sort them out. Because, more than anything, I am just mad at myself for the way that I'm handling things. I'm not happy with myself. I want to be a person who is more forgiving, more sympathetic, more loving. And I'm not that person yet.

Unfortunately, I don't really have anywhere to run away to right now. Montana and North Carolina are too far away, and the timing didn't work out with my friend who lives within 10 hours. Plus, it is actually kind of hard to run away, you know, what with having lives to attend to and all. Photos to work on, places the kids need to be, a birth coming up, an open house for Vern's office on Saturday. You know... life.

So, maybe I'll just take a drive to Iowa to see a gigantic ball of twine or something. I don't know.

Grown Up Fun Times

And now, on to something more uplifting...

Remember when I invented Grown Up Fun Times? Well, it is a hit! It has even gone so far as to develop its trendy nickname: GUFT. I encourage you to start a chapter in your area today. (Just pay me $100 for licensing fees.)

We went rollerskating in September. (Just look at how many people I got to go rollerskating with me! I'm the coolest girl ever!)

And here's a video:


And laser tag in October. (And look at how many people I got to play laser tag with me!) Unlimited laser tag, mini golf, and Krazy Karts for only $9.95!

But there have been some dark hours with GUFT. After the rousing success of rollerskating the first month, I had planned what I thought would be a fun excursion to ScreamTown for October. But it turned out that no one wanted to go to ScreamTown except for me. I had an Event set up on facebook, and my lonely face was the only one in the YES column. Vernon didn't even respond! The GUFT attendees are fickle, dear readers. Fickle, indeed. (And scaredy cats.)

So, adjustments were made. I put together an advisory panel. Scheduled laser tag for October. And the audience responded. GUFT is back on track!

(Let us never mention the ScreamTown debacle again. So lonely, my face was. So lonely).

I Want to Move

This is too much.

I wish my husband was making money.

Cancer

(POST DELETED)

Happy Birthday, Ezra!

My beloved little boy, Ezra, has turned 6 today. He's a good one.

Planking

My kids and I have been busy planking this week.

What is planking, you may ask? Watch this video to learn more.

I heard about it from this week's episode of The Office. Apparently, it is a craze that has been going on for quite some time, but I am only now just hearing about it (typical, right?).

For example, this is how behind on the times I am... We were doing some planking at Target:

And this 60 year old lady sees Peace planking and she says, "Oh, is she planking? How cute." Because this 60 year old lady is all familiar with planking and I AM ONLY NOW JUST HEARING ABOUT IT!

(And, don't worry, I am now caught up on owling and batmanning and coning and all the rest of it... but not one of them can compete with planking, in my opinion.)

Our Billboard

I couple of month's ago, a local pizza place was looking for local people to be on their billboards and television commercials. Guess who signed up?

Here's a hint:

And here's the TV spot:


You may notice that they don't cut to me speaking when I say my line, like they do for everybody else. There is a reason for this... it is because I don't know how to deliver a line. So, they did the best with what they got. Ocean kept asking me later, "Why did talk like that? It didn't sound like your real voice." And then she would go on to imitate my voice and laugh.

I'll have you all know I did community theater, everybody! COMMUNITY THEATER! (And I wasn't any good then either.)

Here's a little secret: My Davanni's Favorite isn't really birthday parties. They told me to say that.

This is another commercial where I don't have a line, but you can still see us in it:




We got a $25 gift certificate, for those of you wondering.

Cell Phone Bars

Look at my family. We look like cell phone bars.

And now, freestyling. (Note Vern's attempt at freestyling. He's usually much more creative.) 

Look At Me

When I was pregnant with Peace, I would listen to this song (Look at Me by Sum 41) over and over and over and over and over and over and over...


And then I had it playing during her birth over and over and over and over and over (until I got sick of listening to it and shut it off completely. Read entire birth story here.)

The lyrics:

Look at me
Whom I supposed to be and what do I believe?
Can you tell me, since you’ve made up your mind and know what you believe
And I just don’t know
I just don’t know
Who I’m supposed to be

Look at me
Am I the image of your hopes and tragedies?
Just look at me
Will I ever be more than just a memory?

And it's literally just occurred to me today that those lyrics weren't meant for her.

That song was meant for me.

I finally understand why I was listening to it so much, because that is totally what I was going through at that time.

Pretty trippy, right?

I'm trippy like that.

The Grass-Fed Cow

This was the picture Ezra won the coloring contest with at Stockyard Days:

This is how he described his picture to me: "I colored brown all around it because it's a grass-fed cow and he ate up all the grass."

Grandma's Dead

Eight years ago today my grandma died. (I remember the years because the year she died was the year my oldest daughter was born.)

If you all would have known me back in the day, you would have known how close I was to my beloved grandmother. I'm fairly confident in saying that another pair couldn't have been closer than we were. We had t-shirts made up that said "Two of a Kind". We starred in our very own video-recorded talk show called "Day In, Day Out" where we had cooking segments, conducted interviews, talked about the weather. We went out to eat together, almost every Saturday night. We flew to California together for vacation, just the two of us.

When normal teenagers were off smoking weed or kissing each other on their faces, I was hanging out with my grandma. When normal 21-year-olds were off with their boyfriends on New Year's Eve, getting drunk and playing some strange game that I only know of as "Quarters", I was taking my boyfriend to my grandma's house so that we could spend the night with her.

And also doing stuff like this:



And then there was that one glorious summer (2001) when Vern and I were living with my mom (why is it that Vern and I are always living with other people?), and we'd go over to my grandma's house to watch SpyTV, You Don't Know Jack, and the second season of Big Brother. Grandma didn't understand SpyTV, and she REALLY didn't understand Big Brother (so much so that she wouldn't be quiet while we were watching it so we would oftentimes just watch it at my mother's), but she enjoyed Paul Ruebens in You Don't Know Jack. Good times, those were. Good times. (SIDENOTE: Vernon was so excited after one episode of Big Brother, when Hardy won the Head of Household competition over someone from the Chill Town alliance, that he jumped off his seat and started cheering. My mom thought he was so weird.)

Anyway, after she died, I didn't really feel sad about it. I missed her, and I felt sad about missing the times we had together, but I never really felt sad about the fact that she died. It didn't feel like that big of a deal. (She was one day shy of her 85th birthday and she had lived a wonderful life.)

Sometimes I think people are unreasonably afraid of dying, clinging onto their lives like it's all that matters. It doesn't. It's okay to die.

Or, as I tell my children, "It's just your body that dies, the real you lives forever."

Which is what grandma is doing, and that's probably the reason I'm not really sad about it.

Getting Another Car

So, we're going to start looking for a new car (and by "new", I mean "used, but it's new to us!").

Here's the reasoning...

I was looking into Religion Classes for the kids, and they are from 5:30-6:30 pm on Wednesdays. And I saw something about Youth Choir (which Ocean is interested in) and it is from 4:30-5:30 on Tuesdays. I told this to Vernon, and he said, "We should make this work. It's not fair to Ocean." And I said, "But I don't want to drop you off at work, bring the kids to wherever they need to go, and then pick you up from work again." And Vern said, "We should figure out something. It's not fair to Ocean." And I said, "Well, then we should get another car."

Technically, we have enough money to buy a $2,000 car. (But I don't necessarily want to spend that money because we aren't making any money with the chiro business yet. So, that money is part of our safety net which is slowly making its way to dwindling.) But, I will have some photography money coming in, and our living expenses are only $600 a month right now, so I think it'll be okay. And we can always sell the car if we need the money. Cars are incredibly easy to sell. I know this because there was once a six-month period in my life where I went through about 4 different vehicles because I couldn't figure out what I wanted. (Note: What I want is a Toyota Corolla or Toyota Camry. I know this now).

So, I guess that's that. Wish us luck!

The Knowing

I am a knower.

What I mean by this is that when I first hear of something, I just KNOW that it rings true. I don't need statistics. I don't need facts. I don't need proof. My knowing is my proof.

When I was first exposed to homebirth, well before I was even pregnant with my first, I just knew that it made sense. I would go on to read stuff about it, the facts, the statistics, the proof, because it was interesting to me, but never because I needed it.

Vernon is not a knower. When I tell him something, like how I want to have a homebirth, I have to give him proof as to why I want it. The proof has to make sense to him.

When I told him how I didn't want to circumcise, I gave him the book Say No to Circumcision to read.

With vaccines, I took him to a vaccine talk by Dr. Mayer Eisenstein.

And then it starts to make sense to him.

There was once a time when Ocean was around 2-1/2 years old (this was before Vern was a chiropractor and understood about the power of the body to heal itself), she had a very high fever and was very, very, very lethargic. Vern was wondering if we should take her to a doctor. I said, "No, she's fine." Then he started questioning me about at what point I would take her to the doctor. And I said, "I don't know. I'll just know." And he couldn't understand that. He kept asking and asking and asking "at what point?" and I didn't know what to tell him.

It's very hard to explain to people who want facts and proof and all that, when that stuff isn't all that important to me and isn't how I process things. My "knowing" is more important. And that's a hard thing to communicate. (And, ultimately, my "knowing" doesn't really matter to most people.)

And when you get these hot-button topics, like homebirth and vaccines and chiropractic, where people have already formed opinions, it's hard. I want people to have the "knowing" that I have, and they want double-blind controlled studies that I am unable to provide. I mean, yes, I do have resources and facts and stuff about things, but if somebody isn't open to it, it's pretty useless anyway. It's like that saying, "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof will ever be enough."

We could be looking at the same information and I would be saying, "Don't you see? Doesn't it make sense?" And they would say, "No. I feel the other way." And I'd have such a hard time understanding that because my inner knowing is so strong and makes so much sense to me. I think that's why I have so much confidence in the decisions that I make. It's easy to stand behind them 100% because they resonate with the core of my being. They just make sense.

When I had my planned unassisted birth with Peace, most people didn't understand why I would do such a thing. Even among all the crunchies that I hung out with (except for Sarah, she understood). But there was a "knowing" involved with that as well. A knowing that everything would be okay and that was how it was meant to be. And it was.

As are all things. I KNOW this. Everything is okay.

Goodbye Anonymous-es

You all probably haven't been keeping up with this, but in the comment section of what I thought was an innocuous post titled Do Nothing, somebody has taken issue with me (once again).

Here's an excerpt:

It's amazing how many parents I already know that have this "Do Nothing" phyilosophy (sic) about their kids and parenting. These are the parents that collect a welfare check every month, their kids don't have decent hygiene because there isn't anyone holding them responsible for it, and these are the kids that get labeled as "special ed" because they (and their parents) have never expected them to do anything more than what they feel like doing. Imagine more of the world that could be opened up for these children if there was someone giving them priorities, responsibilities, and goals to reach--helping to make them well-rounded individuals. It doesn't need to be "helicopter parenting", it just needs to be parenting. By doing nothing and letting children explore life and it's milestones on their own, they ARE being limited. They may not even realize the possibilites (sic) out there that they would truly enjoy and thrive at doing. As parents, it is our job to not sit back totally, but to take an active role so that our children can strive, meet their fullest potentional (sic), enjoy life, and also be happy. 

And also:

You're not limiting them now. Just when they are adults with little to no education and have limited opportunities to get a job that pays over minimum wage. 

What the heck? All I was doing was making what I viewed as an insightful thought relating to MY life. I was in no way judging other people or what they were doing. Remember... I'm trying really hard not to care what other people are doing!

And this was the reason I stopped writing for awhile... because I wanted to avoid all this bad mojo from people. I don't want all this negativity. I want to fill the world with love and peace and unicorns and rainbows.

So, it has come to this...

I am removing the feature from the comment section that allows people to comment anonymously. I know, I know, this should have been done a long time ago. But I thought by having it there, it gave greater access for people to post more easily. (Now, some of you may not be able to post at all without this feature). And, also, I did enjoy the following of my ALL-CAPS ANONYMOUS poster. He was lovely, whoever he was (I never did figure that out).

So, goodbye, all of you anonymous-es out there. This is for the best. I'm going to keep the rainbows and unicorns dancing in my head. Please direct all of your negative energy elsewhere. Thank you.

Events, AIDS, and Friends

So, remember when I was talking about all these social events that I was creating for myself? I think, in a way, I'm doing it as a way to see my friends more. See, with school coming up, I don't see the friends that I hang out with at playgroups all summer as much. We go our separate ways a bit more during the school year, and I miss seeing them on a regular basis.

See, with stay-at-home parenting, going to playgroups and seeing the same people on a regular basis is developing relationships like you'd have if you worked and saw them on the job everyday. It's about creating community and a sense of belonging somewhere, because, oftentimes, parenthood can be a very isolating experience.

SIDENOTE: Vernon has experienced this sense of isolation in opening up his own business and working for himself. He doesn't work with anybody. He gets lonely. But for the past couple of months he has been volunteering every Tuesday for The Aliveness Project (a local organization that helps people with AIDS). We visited him there the other week for the first time, and he was introducing us to all the people he worked with... and he seemed very happy and a part of things. And then, that same week, we went to a picnic that the organization had, and Ocean played Four Square, Ezra hit a pinata, and we all played Bingo.

ADDITIONAL SIDENOTE ABOUT THE SIDENOTE: I won't name any names, but I have a couple of friends (it's Jen and Sally, everybody, Jen and Sally), who are skeptical about the field of chiropractic. But now I can say to them, "My husband helps people with AIDS. And they feel better after seeing him. You can't tell me that chiropractic only works for back pain. He helps people with AIDS!" Because, that's right, I'm using people with AIDS as a means to win arguments with my friends. I'm a good person.

END OF SIDENOTES AND BACK TO ORIGINAL THOUGHT: I have one friend who shall remain nameless (it's Kelly, everybody, it's Kelly) who I hardly see anymore and I miss her. But with kids growing up and growing out of the playgroup stage (especially growing out of the indoor playgroup places in the winter), it gets harder to see the people I used to see on a regular basis.

Which is why I need to create these events.

That's the idea anyway.

Why I Have More in Common with Tina Fey Than You Do

Tina Fey and I really should be best friends, we really should. You all think you should be best friends with Tina Fey, but you are wrong. She should be my best friend because of this:

On page 221 of her book Bossypants, she writes THE joke. That's right... you know the one. (Apparently that is not a joke native to Blue Valentine. It's an actual, real-life joke that people tell one another! People like me and Tina Fey! Jealous?)

Here is how she tells THE joke, as seen on page 221 of her book:

A pedophile walks through the woods with a child. The child says, "These woods are scary." The pedophile says, "Tell me about it. I have to walk back through here alone."

Granted, unlike me who says, "This is the funniest joke ever!" Tina prefaced the joke with, "An example of a truly rough joke would be this:" But, whatever. We're besties now! (Here's another excerpt from her book that all of you mama-types will find especially poignant... showing that Tina, like me, has a soft side despite our fiercely awesome and inappropriate sense of humor.)

Also, a side note on all this, my husband is now reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants. That's right... I have an awesome husband who reads Tina Fey books because he really is THAT cool.

Suckers.

Big Plans, Big Plans

I've been really into organizing events this month.

There's Birth Video Night this Friday (which was actually my friend Jen's idea, but she wanted my help with organizing it because I'm good at strong-arming people into showing their birth videos). We've been doing these Birth Video Nights for a couple years now, and they are a wonderful flow of oxytocin and togetherness for all of us birth junkies. You should consider organizing them in your area, if you haven't already.

Another thing you should consider organizing are Adult Playdates. Except don't call them "Adult Playdates" because people will make fun the name because it sounds perverted (because anything with the word "Adult" in it sounds perverted now-a-days, so they tell me). So then you'll have to change the name to "Grown Up Fun Times", which, depending on the state of your mind, could sound equally perverted (in which case, you could make ANYTHING sound perverted, even innocent phrases like "telescope" and "your grandma's washing machine".) So, I organized the first Grown Up Fun Time for September. We'll be going rollerskating, where we can act like kids again and forget that in our real lives we have kids who cry when you flush the toilet after you go to the bathroom (because SHE wanted to do it, so you have to pretend to go to the bathroom all over again just so she can flush it), and mortgages and car insurance and grocery bills and all the rest of it.

And the last of my party planning events is this Boobs and Brinner photography thing. Basically, it's a 3 hour event where nursing moms come together, bring a dish to share, and have a nursing pictures taken (by yours truly) for a fraction of the cost ($25) of a normal session. (I got the idea from this website.)

So, all this equates to is: Allison Is Getting a Life. Yes, that's right. I'm creating events that I enjoy doing (watching birth videos, acting like a kid, photography) so that I can get the most of my life. Things outside of parenting and meal preparation and not flushing the toilet so my daughter can flush it. Not that all that stuff isn't wonderful and all (because it is, I love that part of my life too. I'm happy, remember!)... but having these other events helps with keeping balance and equilibrium in my life. (Which also fits into my equation for happiness.)

Do Nothing

I've been reading a bunch of stuff about birth lately (I don't know why, that's just who I am, I guess), and the more and more I read, the more I see how important it is to DO NOTHING.

Nuchal cord? Do nothing.

Cervical lip? Do nothing.

Breech? Do nothing.

Anything else disturbs the normal physiological process that the mother and baby need to go through.

I was thinking about how this "Do Nothing" notion relates to other areas as well... like child rearing, and just LIFE, in general.

I talked before about how I am not a fan of helicopter parenting. How I think children get more out of play (out of life) by doing it themselves... while I just sit back and Do Nothing.

Same goes for my unschooling sensibilities... From a DH Lawrence essay, Education of the People: "How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."

I think anything else would interfere with a child's physiological process of growth and development as well. They know what their doing here. My job is to trust in them and in this process (just like with birth) and to make sure they trust in themselves as well. (I expounded on this concept a bit in my Idle Parenting post awhile ago.)

But this "Do Nothing" attitude is just good for life in general, for all of us, adults and children alike... It promotes a go with the flow, let go and let God kind of attitude. It's a good way to live.

(Disclaimer: As with anything, in birth, life, or otherwise, if there is an emergency situation that needs to be attended to, this "Do Nothing" attitude obviously doesn't apply. This should go without saying, but I thought I would mention it here so you all don't think I'm Miss Crazy-Pants who will "Do Nothing" at all costs.)

Summer Festivals

Vern has been working events and festivals pretty much every weekend this summer (he offers health screenings at these events in an attempt to get patients). We will drop him off at the event, check it out a bit (or longer), go do something else with the car, then tootle around the event some more, help him pack up, and leave.

We've been to:

• Grand Old Day in St. Paul - Where we walked a very crowded street on a very hot day with lots of other people.
• The Dragon Festival in St. Paul - Where we went on a free canoe ride, got a free book by Kristi Yamiguchi, had my cholesterol checked (it's awesome, BTW) and got temporary tattoos that were so realistic that several people thought mine was real.
• Highland Fest in St. Paul - Where my mom bought us a bottle of water.
• Slice of Shoreview in Shoreview - Where we watched Dock Dogs compete, got a bunch of $5 gift cards to Baker's Square (plus free slices of pie), and I found the Bee Salve lady.
• St. Anthony Village Fest in St. Anthony - Where Ocean dressed up like a fireman and sprayed a hose, and I signed up for items in the Silent Auction (which I didn't win).
• Stockyard Days in New Brighton - Where we saw a pot-bellied pig, thought briefly about getting one, but then changed our minds, and Ezra won a coloring contest.
• Mounds View Festival in the Park in Mounds View - Where we watched a parade, got balloon animals from a cranky clown, and Ocean and I got lifted really high in the bucket on the ladder of a firetruck.

I used to do art shows, back in the day (I think it was 2007???), with my photographs (I even won a prize once, in New Prague, for Best Artist or whatever. The prize money, which wasn't very much, was more than I made in sales). It is tedious work, sitting there all day, trying to sell your stuff. The weather is usually either too hot or rainy. I don't envy Vern having to do it. If only there was an easier way to get patients...

(Seriously, does anyone know of an easier way to get chiropractic patients? If you do, please share...)

Bee Salve

I bought this stuff called Bee Salve at an event last month, and, next to Friday Night Lights and Papa Murphy's Grilled Chicken and Bacon Stuffed Pizza, it is one of the best things ever!

You put this Bee Salve on a mosquito bite, and the itch instantaneously goes away! It is amazing! It is also good on other skin ailments like cuts, scrapes (it acts like an antiseptic), eczema, psoriasis, burns, diaper rash, cold sores, dry skin, chapped lips, blisters, sunburns, and any other skin problem you can think of which needs help healing.

I do not have any association with this company (the only companies I have associations with can be found here and here), and, even though I would like to, I haven't found a way to get companies to have me review their products and give me free stuff yet... So, what this means is that I just really, really think this is a good product. I bought a little 1/8 ounce tube (the size of a chapstick) for only $3.50, and it will probably last us all year.

So, without further ado, here is a link to their website:

Busby's Bee Salve

Baking Soda

We bought some baking soda the other day. Peace looked at it and said, "Toothpaste."

No Apologies, Part II

Oh, why don't people understand me!

When I said "I don't care if people circumcise"... That doesn't mean that I think circumcision is a good thing. It doesn't mean that I agree with it. What it means is that I'm trying to release judgment about it (and about all things, really). It's not my job to judge others. This is all about recognizing that it's another person's journey, not mine... and being okay with that.

Yes, I would like to change your mind and educate you about a lot of things (if you're receptive to that), but other than that, what more can I do?

I'm not going to hate you or think that you're a bad person if you circumcise.

Please don't judge me because of that.

No Apologies

So, I've gotten some negative reactions regarding the joke that I liked. But I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm not. I still think that it's funny.

But I don't want you to hate me for it. See, I think it's okay if we have differing senses of humor. It doesn't make one of us bad, one of us good. It just makes us different.

See, I think I've been avoiding updating for awhile because I don't want people to think negatively of me. I don't want those negative vibes coming my way. (I've been really into universal energy lately, and, believe me, I don't want any of your bad mojo coming my way.) You don't have to love me. Just, please, don't hate me because of it. Just be neutral.

Be open-minded to the fact that we might not have the same sense of humor. We might not feel the same way about birth, vaccinations, child-raising, whatever. And that's okay. Let's just all be accepting of one another and our differences!

Yes, I liked that joke. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't. I like blue humor. I love how comedians "go too far" in Comedy Central roasts. I loved the movie The Aristocrats (and please, if you didn't like my joke, stay FAR, FAR away from the movie The Aristocrats). I love Sarah Silverman and her raunchy sense of humor.

I don't want to come across as judgmental anymore. I really don't care if you like medicated births, bottle feed, or (GASP!) circumcise. I accept our differences and love you all just the same.

Here are some wise words from my husband, Vernon:

As for the joke... you really don't understand why people don't like it? It's highly inappropriate, not really the thing you just throw out there for anyone to read (at least in my opinion). I mean of all the crimes people can think of, that's got to be pretty much at the top of the ones that people will feel is the most deplorable and disgusting and will create a visceral reaction. It's more of something you share in a smaller setting (if at all) with people you are pretty sure might react okay to it or at least feel aren't going to judge you if they don't like it. Just one of those things where just because we think it, doesn't mean it has to be shared with the world. Sarah Silverman or others can get away with stuff like that because they've taken the time to create that public personality and a career based on that. People kind of shrug it off, because oh it's just that Sarah Silverman being inappropriate again. Her character isn't really real to people. There's an (unconscious?) understanding that she's performing, and within a performance, a separation from reality exists which allows her to get away with things. I bet there's another Sarah Silverman when she's not performing. Oh... that crazy age of the Internet in which we live... changes the ways and maybe some of the rules about how we communicate. Allows everyone to voice an opinion and often times without any consequences thanks to anonymous postings.

What I need is to cultivate my online persona some more. Where you can read a joke like that and say, "Oh, that's just Allison." Yeah, that's what I need to do. You all just don't know me. I LIKE BLUE HUMOR! And I will continue to enjoy jokes that are uncomfortable. I will continue to laugh at YouTube videos where little kids get hurt. And I will continue to write charade clues that include the phrase "raping my dead grandma" whenever I play charades. Because that's who I am, people! That's who I am! 

(Please love me.) 

Facebook Updates Past

My facebook update on this day in 2009:

Allison knows how to take care of the baby and she knows how to take care of the two older kids... but she doesn't know how to take care of all of them simultaneously.

 My facebook update on this day in 2010:

Just got in to Colorado and the first thing I did was get my library card! Won't have internet at home for a couple of days, but will update more when we do.

Pretty much sums up what I've been up to the last couple of years, huh?

I thought of some other things that I've been doing lately (as per Friday's post)...

1. Not exercising very much.

2. Getting adjusted a lot (at least 2-3 times a week).

I'm not so sure about the not exercising part (in terms of making me feel good), but I do think that chiropractic has something to do with it. I've been getting adjusted regularly (as in 2-3 times a week) for a year now, and it's a really, really good thing.

Life's Documentary

Where have I been? In my mind, mostly. It's a good place, and it's been a good summer.

I've been thinking... what have I been doing to feel this good? Because I need to keep up with it so that I always feel this way. Supplements: magnesium, cod liver oil, high-vitamin butter oil, vitamin b-complex, vitamin d (if it's raining or overcast). Meditating almost every day. Eating well and not caring about when I don't eat well. Reading a lot. Enjoying the moments. Living in the present. Watching America's Got Talent (shhhh... don't tell the TV-snob side of me that).

New train of thought: I have this idea for a documentary. And I seem to have diarrhea of the mouth about this, because, for some reason, I've been telling anyone that will listen (except for you guys... not yet) about my documentary idea. And I think I'm letting the diarrhea run out of my mouth on this because I want to hold myself accountable and actually get this thing made.

So now, I just need to figure out how to do that.

Lentils with Cabbage

Here is the real recipe.

And here is my cheap man's version:

1-1/4 cups green lentils
5 cups water
1 tsp ground turmeric
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp garlic powder
1 onion, peeled and cut into fine slices
3 cups organic cabbage, finely shredded
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp ginger

1.)  In a stock pot, add lentils and water and bring to a boil. Cover, leaving the lid slightly ajar, turn heat down to low, and simmer gently for 75 minutes.

2.)  Add sea salt, the tomato, cumin, turmeric, garlic and ginger to the pot.  Stir to combine.  Cover and cook another 10 minutes.

3.)  Meanwhile, in a large skillet, heat some coconut oil over medium heat.  Saute the onion and cabbage for about 10 minutes or until softened and slightly browned. 

4.)  Add the cabbage mixture to the lentils. Mix together and enjoy!

Peace's Birthday Invites

Here are Peace's birthday party invitations:

And here is the one from last year:

Here is a link to Ezra's birthday invitations, if you're so inclined to see them. I haven't uploaded Ocean's yet, so you'll have that to look forward to in 8 months if you want to mark your calendars.

Happy Birthday Peace!

Children First

Something occurred to me that I've never thought about before, in regards to my last post about First Babies:

Someday my kids are going to have their own babies.

Someday they're going to put a wedding ring on somebody else's finger.

Someday they are going to experience all those "firsts" for themselves. And how much more exciting will that be more me than watching Rory and Dean on TV?

(Disclaimer: Or, they may not experience these generalized "firsts" that I am mentioning, and that's okay. They get to choose how they want to create their lives. I don't really care one way or the other, because there will be other firsts yet to be had. Many firsts. Lots of firsts yet to come.)