Nothing

I don't have anything profound, silly, or inappropriate to say today, so I guess I'll just say nothing.

"Nothing."

Chicken Chow Mein

Chicken meat, cut up, however much you want, I don't care. (I probably use the equivalent of 1-1/2 chicken breasts.) Once every couple of weeks I will boil a chicken in 4 quarts of water overnight. In the morning, I will take the meat off the chicken and divide it into 4 or 5 sections which I will throw in the freezer. I will also freeze the broth that this makes as well.
4 carrots, sliced
3 stalks celery, sliced
1 cup chicken broth
1 scoop stevia
1/4 cup tamari
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 clove garlic, minced
8 oz bean sprouts
Water chestnuts, if you have them (I never do... haven't used them in this recipe once)

Put everything in the slow cooker (although, I'm not going to use a slow cooker anymore because of the coating on it and stuff, but I always used to. I'm giving our slow cooker to my mom because she's okay with stuff like using slow cookers and getting her gallbladder taken out. I am not. Now, I will just cook it slowly in the oven).

Anyway... Then stir, cover, and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. Serve over rice.

P.S. You can add some (3 T) cornstarch 15 minutes before serving (pre-mixed in 1/4 cup water) if the mixture is too juicy for you. I just leave it because I'm okay with the juiciness.

Texting

I have Vernon's cell phone this week because I am on-call to take pictures at a birth. (I know, I know... It's true: I don't have a cell phone, I don't want one, and I don't plan on ever getting one. Leave me alone.)

Anyway, so Vern's friend, Dave, texts the cell phone with: "You look good today." (Apparently, Dave had seen Vernon without Vernon seeing him, so he was being all sneaky-stalker-like with his text.)

So, this is what I replied to Dave's text: "You look like my grandma's vagina."

I don't know why I wrote that. I really shouldn't have.

What I should have said was... "my dead grandma's vagina."

Silly me.

The 9 Month Old

I was reading an article about brain development stuff in the 9 month old recently, where it talks about how 9 month olds have a brain that is working on developmental stuff, a brain and body working on movement, and maybe some random shooting or throbbing gum and jaw pain in there, too... therefore making it kind of difficult to be a 9 month old, and to be the parent of a 9 month old as well.

I am particularly thankful for reading that article just to be exposed to the following sentence:

This is not the time to pretend you know what's going on or that you have it all under control.

This sentence makes me feel better. I will quit trying to figure it out now.

And the Winner Is...

Out of 10 entries (and 2 comments by people saying they are just not funny enough to enter a You Write the Caption contest)...

This winning caption was brought to us by Hayley. Well done, Hayley. (I personally liked the fact that she acknowledged the fact that Ezra was only halfway in the picture. It's the little things like that that get my attention.)

Tied for second place (and no prize) goes to Kati with: Mom's coming! Quick! Somebody hide the weed! and the Gastenator with Vernon's personal favorite: My mom calls it 'incense'.

Hayley will be receiving a fabulous print from my art show extras. (I'm not sure which one yet, but I'll post it when I decide.)

Don't worry though, there will be more chances to win one of my random, leftover photographic prints in the future (although probably not in the form of another caption contest given the fact that all but ten of the people following this blog have a sense of humor).

A special thanks goes out to all who entered!

Fancy Allison

And now for the moment you have all been waiting for:

A picture of me looking fancy. I'd like to point out the use of my "fancy face" in this picture. Ladies, please take note. This is how one goes about looking fancy: put a finger up to your face and smile nicely. It's as easy as that. And isn't my husband hot? Look at him with his hand cupped on my butt. It's like the hand wants to touch my butt, but it isn't sure how. Maybe it is nervous because it suspects that I might go on to put its picture up on my blog. (It is correct. Here it is.)

And here is a picture of my fancy family. Apparently, after over seven years of being a parent to three different children, I still don't know how to carry a baby. What is that? My hand is under her crotch and my other hand is hiking up her shirt so her tummy is showing.

And here are my fancy kids:

And here are just some more pictures of me attempting to pose fancy:

Oh, and wait! I almost forgot to tell my funny story. Well, as you all know, I wanted to look fancy, right? So, what that equates to is me wearing mascara. It's been eons since I've worn the stuff, and the mascara that I own is over ten years old and is just some cheap Great Lash stuff by Maybelline that should really be thrown out (but hasn't been because I am lazy). Well, 1) It is gross that it is over ten years old, and 2) I want to avoid putting "unnatural" stuff on or in my body (see previous post).

So, I went to the health food co-op with the intent of picking up some natural mascara, but the cheapest brand cost over $12! OVER $12 PEOPLE! I could not rationalize spending $12 on mascara that would not even get utilized on a regular (or semi-regular, or bi-annual) basis, but I didn't want to go home and use my old crappy stuff either.

So... here is what I did. I noticed that they had test samples of mascara sitting out for people to use. TEST SAMPLES!

So I used some.

And then I put on some sample eyeliner as well.

This is beyond pathetic. And you are all probably thinking that using public samples of mascara is no less gross and unhealthy than using my ten year old crap. (And you would be right. All of my fancy, Miss Manners books says that this is a definite no-no.) But here is my theory on that... Who else would go into the health food store to sample mascara? NOBODY, PEOPLE! Nobody else would even consider doing this.

Only me.

And I guess that's what makes me special. And fancy.

Mariah's Curry

I call this recipe Mariah's Curry because she made this for me, brought it to me postpartum, and then gave me the recipe. It's out of her curry cookbook (I've altered it slightly to accommodate for what I usually have on hand... ie, ground cinnamon instead of cinnamon sticks). Here is what you'll do:

Ingredients
3 T coconut oil
3 bay leaves
2 tsp cinnamon
6 cardamom pods
8 whole clove
15 black peppercorns
Small onion, diced
Sirloin tip steak (grass-fed, organic, you know the drill)... It actually doesn't matter what type of meat cut you use. I just choose whatever is priced best. Just get something that can be cut into chunks. The original recipe actually calls for lamb.
4 potatoes, cut into chunks
2 carrots, cut into chunks
1/4 tsp turmeric
1T ground coriander
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp salt
1 can (14 oz) coconut milk, well stirred

In a big skillet (or big saucepan, whatever), heat coconut oil, then put in bay leaves, cinnamon, cardamom pods, cloves, and peppercorns. Add onion. Add meat, potatoes, carrots, turmeric, coriander, cayenne, salt, and 1 cup of well-stirred coconut milk. Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer for 50 minutes. At this time, you could cook the brown rice that you are going to serve this over (we use 2 cups of brown rice, 4 cups water) so it will be ready. After 50 minutes, check to make sure everything is tender (which is should be), add the remaining coconut milk, heat through, and serve over the brown rice.

This is not a spicy curry at all. Oh, and one more thing, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bite into one of those cardamom pods. They are disgusting. You could fish those out (as well as the bay leaves, of course) before serving. (And I usually try to avoid biting into the peppercorns and cloves as well.)

What the Hell Is Wrong With You People?

Enter my caption contest.

(Now, I'm off to get fancy.)

Alabaster Cow

I wanted to update you all on a couple of things:

1) I wrote a guest post for the blog Alabaster Cow. This is the kind of thing we do in the blogging world (which I am barely a part of) to get other people to read our blogs. Sneaky, huh?

2) Why aren't you all entering my You Write The Caption Contest? I only have 4 entries so far, and I know that more than 4 people read this blog. It would do wonders for my self-confidence if everybody would encourage me in such matters. Plus, it's a really swell prize, and it is a very funny picture for you to write a caption for. What gives?

3) I am going to a wedding tomorrow, so I plan on looking the complete opposite of what I normally look like (read: fancy). Exciting, right? I will post a photo on Sunday, so be on the lookout for that.

Here is a photo of what I normally look like:

Spinach Strata

I am calling this strata because it makes me feel fancier. In my mind I am actually saying egg bake.

Anyway, here is how you make it:

Ingredients
5 pieces of Food for Life sprouted bread (we prefer 7 Grain)
2 handfuls of baby spinach leaves
8 oz raw milk cheese, grated
1 tsp dry mustard
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp salt (or more, whatever)
8 eggs
2 cups milk

Grease a 9x13 pan. Rip up the bread and put that on the bottom of the pan. Top with spinach leaves and grated cheese. In a separate dish, mix eggs and milk together, as well as the dry mustard, salt, and pepper. Pour that mixture over the stuff in the pan. You can either have this sit in the fridge overnight and eat it for breakfast/brunch the next day. Or you can do what I did: Make it in the morning, have it sit in the fridge during the day, and then bake it for supper. Either way, it is marvelous. Bake for 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes.

The Most Hilarious Photograph Ever

I went to yet another blessingway this past Sunday. Apparently, my friends are like cattle, having their babies in the spring.

Anyway, aside from all the wonderful things that always transpire at a blessingway, I was left with the most hilarious picture that I have ever taken in my entire life. I laugh at it every time I see it and it brings me more joy than anyone could have possibly imagined.

Now, you may have noticed that I have never posted pictures of people outside of my family on this blog. This is intentional. I want to respect other people's privacy.

But this picture is just too funny NOT to post. I HAVE to do it.

There is nothing left to say.

Yummy Bean Dip

I have posted my other "sour cream" recipes already (Sour Cream Lasagna and Beef Stroganoff). Well, this is the last of them... and this is what I make to use up the rest of the sour cream in my fridge. I make these meals during the same week, once a month. It's the week that I buy sour cream.

And it is ironic that I am posting all of these sour cream recipes when sour cream is one of the only "processed" type foods that we buy. I haven't figured out how to make a homemade/raw version of sour cream yet, so I have just been buying the organic stuff (it is still pasteurized, still packaged). And this whole recipe is probably the most processed thing that I make (packaged chips, canned beans, etc.). So, it is not necessarily following the nutritional guidelines I like to set for myself and all of you guys, but these meals are yummy nonetheless.

16 oz can refried beans
1 lb. organic, grass-fed beef
1 cup sour cream
16 oz jar of salsa
8 oz raw milk cheddar cheese
Tortilla chips

Spread beans on bottom of 9x7 dish. Layer beef. Mix sour cream with salsa and put on beef. Top with grated cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes (or until cheese gets all melty). Yum. Yum.

P.S. This was a hard dish to take a picture of because it is so goopy and hard to make look appetizing. I tried to scoop it out nicely so as to keep some of its shape, but it is a dip so it is going to be dip-like. It is kind of yummy to eat cold too.

An Interesting Fact

"In 20% of schools across the United States, indoor air quality does not meet industrial labor standards for adults, and the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration won't issue pediatric indoor air standards for fear they might result in the closure of half the nation's educational institutions, or more." - from the book "Homeschooling and the Voyage of Self-Discovery: A Journey of Original Seeking" by David H. Albert

You Write The Caption Contest!

I used to do art shows, I don't anymore, so now I have a bunch of inventory that I don't know what to do with. Until now!

I've decided to hold a You Write the Caption Contest where the prize will be a signed 5x7 photograph (matted to 8x10) from my collection mailed to you! (If you win, I will have you e-mail your mailing address to me privately so I can mail it to you.) Just enter your caption to the following photo in the Comment section, I will pick a winner, and the winner shall win the amazing aforementioned prize! (If, for some reason, you're not able to use the comment section, you e-mail your caption to goofymama@hotmail.com)

Ready? Here's the photo:

Good luck! The contest ends on April 26.

And, just to give you an idea of my sense of humor, here are some things that I find funny:

1) Bob Saget, Sarah Silverman, and Norm MacDonald.
2) The thought of a little boy riding a big school bus all my himself.
3) Farts.
4) This joke: A guy with a giant orange head walks into a bar. The bartender says, "How did you get that giant orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, 'I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire... what is your first wish?' I said, 'I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!, and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, 'What is your second wish?' I said, 'I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with'. The genie went Poof!, and there she was, a gorgeous woman who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, 'And what is your third wish?'... and I think this is where I went wrong... I said, 'I would like a giant orange head.'"

Clementine

by Sara Pennypacker
160 pages

Clementine is a precocious young red-headed girl with a heart of gold. There are three Clementine books so far (Clementine, The Talented Clementine, Clementine's Letter), with another set to be published July 2010 (Clementine: Friend of the Week!).

Clementine is funny and gets into all sorts of misadventures, and every single one of these books ends with something so sweet that I start crying.

Ocean, age 7: I like it because Clementine is really funny.

Ezra, age 4: I like it because Clementine always gets good ideas.

My Books, My Books

When I hear about a book I want to read, I put it on hold at the library. Then, I will forget about them until I go to pick them up from the library and I will be surprised with the amount of books that there are. It's like I have Book Hold Tourette's or something... I just can't seem to stop myself from putting books on hold.

Here is a list of books that were waiting for me yesterday:

Summerhill
Homeschooling and the Voyage of Self-Discovery
Free-Range Kids
The Gabriel Method
The Fourfold Path to Healing
Life in the Spirit

Wow. Three homeschooling books. Two books on nutrition. One Mother Teresa book. Now I have to attempt to read all of these books (either that, or return them and put them on hold again).

Here's a link to my Shelfari page, if you are interested in judging me from all of the other books I've read in my lifetime (at least the ones I can remember).

More on Life's Clarity

I wanted to talk more about my moment of clarity.

Basically, I had been getting all atwitter about What's my life's purpose? and What am I supposed to be doing with my life?, that I forgot about how I am actually living my purpose now (and I never fully realized it).

See, I don't know if you all know this, but I'm going to live to be 120 years old (I'm dead, no pun intended, serious). Right now I'm 33. So, that is 87 years left for me to do stuff with my life. And only a handful of those years are going to involve child-rearing, so I may as well enjoy them and relish in them while I can instead of focusing on doing much else. I like raising my kids and I'm happy being in this phase of my life right now.

See, Vernon (my husband) has been busy setting goals, reading Success magazine, and talking about life visions as of late. I got all excited about this and wanted to do it too. But I think that overwhelmed me because all of my goals and visions were apart from the work I am doing here now, as a mother. It was too much.

So, now that I've had my moment of clarity, I want to think in terms of how to make my family the best that we can be right now. The best versions of ourselves. I want to set goals and visions in terms of my family now. (You can follow along with me, if you like.)

Goal #1: Smile at your husband.

I've been kind of into Mother Teresa lately. Here's a cute story from one of the books I was reading:

When a group of Americans visited Mother Teresa, they asked her for some advice. "Smile at your wives," she told them. "Smile at your husbands." 

Thinking perhaps that the advice was simplistic, one of them asked, "Are you married?" 

"Yes," she replied, "and I find it very hard sometimes to smile at Jesus. He can be very demanding."

So, I've been smiling at Vernon for the past couple of days, and he may think I'm kind of loopy, but I also think that he likes it. (Note to the Internet: This may be hard to believe, but Vernon does not read my blog everyday. He even stopped reading it entirely for awhile after I wrote that one post about coconut oil, you all know the one. Now, he only reads it when I post a reminder to it on facebook. So, he will see this post eventually and thus realize what I am doing, but it probably won't be today and it probably won't be tomorrow...)

Beef Stroganoff

I posted a recipe for Sour Cream Lasagna awhile ago, and the reason I started putting sour cream into lasagna is because of this recipe. See, I had sour cream in the fridge from this stroganoff, and I needed to find something else to do with it (thus, putting it into the lasagna). So, anyway, here is a recipe for some delicious beef stronganoff:

12 oz white button mushrooms, quartered (didn't have any, so didn't use)
3/4 pound beef tenderloin, cut into 1/8 inch wide strips
1 cup chicken broth
1 small onion, chopped
1 tsp tomato paste (didn't have, so used leftover spaghetti sauce)
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup sour cream

(If you have mushrooms, cook them first in butter or coconut oil.) Cook beef strips. Remove. Add 1/2 cup of chicken broth and cook until it reduces down to 1/4 cup (3-4 minutes). Transfer broth to bowl with beef. Cook onion. Whisk in remaining chicken broth and wine. Bring to boil, then reduce heat and simmer about 2 minutes (you can add flour or cornstarch to thicken if you want, I don't). Add beef and broth (and mushroom) mixture back into the pan. With sour cream, stir in about 1/2 cup of the hot sauce into the sour cream first, and then stir mixture back into the sauce. Salt and pepper to taste (please don't be shy with this).

Serve over rice spaghetti lasagna noodles (because that is a better alternative to the usual egg noodles and just as delicious).

Braces Off!

Vernon got his braces off today:

Ocean with Placenta

Here is a project Ocean worked on yesterday (of her own accord):

Which just goes to show that Ocean knows more about what a placenta looks like than most women who have given birth to one. Go, Ocean!

For Now

I had a moment of clarity today:

I was thinking about the old ladies who come up to me when I'm holding a baby (this happens often) and how they will tell me to enjoy my kids when they're young because they grow up so fast.

So, it dawned on me today, that, yes, I should enjoy my children while they are young. This should be my life's purpose, at this point in time. I want it to be.

Oftentimes I will sit here wondering what I should be doing with my life, and what will I do with my life after my children are grown and I'm left with an empty nest.

But it occurred to me today (fully) that I don't have to be wondering about that stuff now. I realized that, when my kids are grown, I'm not going to be sitting here thinking, "Now what?"

Because that is not me. I have never been the type to let my kids define who I am (Your children are not your children, they are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself), but an important part of who I am created to be (for them, through them, and with them).

Instead, I will be saying, "What now?"

But, for now, my children are young. Those old ladies are right: this is really such a short phase in my life as a person, as a mother. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy them. I'm going to enjoy every part of them and focus completely on my life within this family (and by "completely", I mean with balance to my life as an individual as well, because that is important).

Everything else can wait. I want it to wait.

For now.

Got Pants?

So, I found that pair of pants that I was thinking about (the ones without holes in them). Turns out that it wasn't in a drawer, but on the top of my closet underneath a bunch of other stuff.

Blueberry Walnut Pancakes

Vernon makes pancakes for us on Sundays. Every Sunday. Here is the recipe:

Grind:
1 cup wheat (we should be soaking this, but we don't)
1 cup rice

Add:
1/4 cup olive oil
2 eggs
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
Water to desired consistency (2-1/2 to 3 cups)
Lots of blueberries and walnuts

Fry and top with butter and pure maple syrup or honey.

Blessingways Have the Best Food!

I went to Mariah's blessingway tonight and ate the most incredible cake I've ever tasted in the history of my entire 33 years on this planet. But I forgot to take a picture of it (probably because I was so busy eating it)! There was creamy mousse on the inside, Kahlua and coffee in there somewhere, as well as some chocolate ganache. I thought the mousse was ice cream, so I had it in my head that I had to hurry up and eat a bunch of it before it melted (5 percent!) and that I was doing everyone a favor by doing so. It was heavenly.

Here are some pictures of some other food on the table:

Our House Is a Very, Very, Very Fine House

We had a showing on our place today. Which means we cleaned it. Which is nice. I was going to take some pictures of what it looks like sparkling clean, but I never got around to it.

But here are some pictures that I took awhile ago when it was clean, and it looks more or less the same now (except for the parts where it doesn't):

P.S. Check out this site: http://www.kittytoupee.com/

Blog Therapy and Cats

I've actually felt so much better since I wrote that Motherhood is Hard post on Monday. That just goes to show that this blog IS therapy.

No more cat pictures please.

Movie Review - Alice in Wonderland

3.67 stars out of 5

Someday I'd like to live inside Tim Burton's head and make sweet, sweet love to his brain all night long.

Like with his other movies, the world he creates in Alice is fanciful and amazing. The creativity that man exudes is a force to be reckoned with.

But the problem I have with Alice is that I know the story. It is nobody's fault but my own that I prefer to watch movies that are original to me. This is why no movie I have ever seen that is based on a book is EVER better than the book. I mean, sure, Tim Burton has put his own magnificent, glorious spin on the story... but, still, it remains a story that I have seen before.

The Tim Burton movies that I've enjoyed the most are the ones he comes up with himself (Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands). Not only does he create the universe that those characters reside in, but he creates the characters as well. That is where he really shines.

Lent - A Reflection

So, this past Saturday was the last day of Lent. I am no longer spiritually required to be thankful for anything or take pictures anymore.

No, but actually it was a very nice experience. It took a little getting used to, having to take pictures everyday (and then uploading, editing, and loading them onto this blog)... but I think it was a good thing because it made me get excited about photography again. I want to be excited by photography again. I have been kind of in a lull.

I'm going to put the word out officially that I want to start shooting again. (Sidenote: I used to take pictures professionally (and sporadically), as an on-location / natural-light photographer before I got pregnant with Peace.) And I'm going to take pictures at a birth in about four weeks.

I think I want to take pictures again. I know I want to take pictures at births (because this is the only excuse I have to get invited to a birth). I'm just trying to figure out if I want to shoot because I want to take pictures or because I want to earn money. I think maybe it's both.

I have been feeling this need to earn money lately. Last year, on our tax returns, the net income between Vernon and myself was less than $3,000 (him for chiropractic screening, and me for a photo spread that was published in Mothering Magazine). We also get about $21,000 in student loans for living expenses every year, and that somehow manages to be more than enough (because, as you can tell from my previous entry, I don't spend a lot of money), so I'm not complaining.

But the hard part comes with earning money with photography is in trying to balance my schedule with Vernon because he often has things that come up at the last minute and then forgets to check the calendar to see if I already have something going on (this hasn't happened with photo appointments yet, because I don't have any, but it has happened with a blessingway and a MOMS dinner at the church just within the past two weeks). So, that makes me a little leery about wanting to schedule things.

Plus, I don't want scheduling photo shoots to overwhelm me with my job as a mother (as it has done, somewhat, in the past.) So, although I would like the extra money, sometimes it is just easier to NOT spend money, instead of doing work to make money so that we can spend more of it. Does that make sense?

And I have always been quite good at not spending money. I mean, before Vernon went back to school for chiropractic, he was earning $18,750 as a Catholic school teacher in a small town, and we lived in this $38,000 house:

So, not earning a lot money has never been a big deal.

Now we live in a home that we bought for $130,000 and is currently on the market for $115,000 because somebody (me) mistakenly thought: Oh, paying a mortgage will be the same as paying rent anyway, plus we can just sell it in four years when we move. No problem. So, if anybody knows someone who is in the market for a 2 bedroom / 1 bath townhome in Burnsville, Minnesota... please let me know!

I'm always trying to come up with new ways to make money, none of which are ever very profitable. I signed up to take these paid online surveys (on products and services and such), but I haven't really qualified for very many of the surveys because they ask lifestyle questions and I think they weed me about because, 1) I don't earn any money, and 2) I don't spend any money. I'm not exactly the demographic they're trying to reach.

I also had grand dreams of earning money off this blog (as this lady does here, and this lady here), but I haven't figured out how to do that either (I don't have enough time to open up a drawer to look for pants, let alone figure out how to market my blog).

So, if you all just want to donate money to Goofy Mama, you can send it my way via PayPal to goofymama@hotmail.com. I'm serious. I'll gladly take it. I saw the lady do this in Julie & Julia because she wanted to make money to buy ingredients for the food that she was posting about. I'll be buying ingredients too... sort of (ingredients for what makes up my life... you know, things like ponytail holders, electricity, and raw milk).

P.S. You can also use my goofymama@hotmail.com e-mail address to send me funny messages, a question, or even a  picture of your cat.

The World's Largest Show and Tell

Today, I went to the Mall of America (yes, yet again) with my children. It was Toddler Tuesday and the event was The World's Largest Show and Tell (and by "World's Largest", they meant 35). We didn't bring anything to show because we didn't know what the event was ahead of time. I told Ocean to show off my car keys, but she said that was embarrassing. The description of the event said to "Show off your favorite toy, art project, or special something and tell us what it means to you," and Ocean always likes to take rules quite literally (unlike her mother).

So then I came up with the idea that she could show off baby Peace, and she liked that idea (because baby Peace is something special to her, as per the rules). So, Ocean put baby Peace in the Mei Tei and, when her number was called, she went up there with 4 other kids in her group to show her off.

Ocean and Peace looked so sweet up there, it made me want to cry.

Ocean didn't win her group... that went to a little boy and his remote-controlled car. They could probably tell that we phoned it in and just thought up something at the last minute. Or, maybe it was the fact that Ocean is 7 and was standing up there with a bunch of 3 year olds. But, either way, they were super cute and the audience said, "Ahhh..." when they saw them.

Motherhood is Hard

"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children." - Sam Levenson

I've been getting overwhelmed lately. Take this morning, for instance: within 20 minutes of waking up, my baby wants to be held, my son wants to play barn (can you play barn? can you play barn? can you play barn? I hear this 387 times a day), and my daughter wants to go for a walk. I don't know what to do. I say to Vernon, crying (because I'm overwhelmed and I've been crying a little bit lately). I'm tired of being wanted all the time.

Vernon doesn't understand how I feel. He can't. He doesn't have the right chromosomes.

He doesn't understand how hard it is to have my baby cry simply because I walk out of a room. Or to have her cry when I walk into a room because she then realizes that she is not with me and she wants to be. Or how it's hard to read books to the older kids, like I used to do, because baby Peace grabs them and tries to eat them. Or how it sucks that Peace likes to have my boob in her mouth half the night when all I want to do is roll over to a more comfortable position.

This is why going to playgroup is like therapy... because my mom friends GET this. They listen. They understand.

Vernon tries to fix things. (And yes, I've read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, so I know how terribly cliched and gender-specific our behaviors are, so nobody needs to remind me.) But I don't want anything fixed. I just want to say things just to SAY them, because then that helps me not to THINK about them anymore. It's a release. (Kind of like writing in this blog, right?)

I want to say: Sometimes, I don't like being around my kids. This doesn't mean that I need a solution, like putting the older kids in school, or getting a babysitter for the baby. All it means is that, Sometimes, I don't like being around my kids.

I value early bedtimes for our kids. Vernon doesn't get this either. He keeps pushing for later bedtimes now that the weather has gotten nicer. He doesn't understand that having later bedtimes turns me into a crazy person. I need that time at night to NOT have to think about my kids. To recharge. To reload. To replenish. Don't you understand how much I need this? He doesn't get it.

I'm not bashing Vernon. I'm trying not to. I love him. We're working on this (because this is not the first day of this stress... Peace is clingy, I'm short-tempered... it's been going on for a little while).

I have ideas. 1) I'd like to go for a walk, by myself, at least 3-5 times a week. 2) I'd like to get out, by myself, for a couple hours once every week or so. (I did this last weekend. When I went to Sears. Why I didn't choose an activity I actually enjoy, I don't know. Shopping is not my thing. I'll think of something better next time.)

I don't like having to ask permission to take a shower. Is it alright if I take a shower now? Are you going to be around? It feels weird. Vernon and I do not have the type of relationship where I need to ask permission to do anything, yet here I am asking permission to take a shower.

I guess that's all.

"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow, too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality - especially while you struggle to keep your own." - Marguerite Kelly and Ella Parsons

A Quote about Unschooling

"If children played all their childhood (I mean it), they would be ready for life. They would be emotionally strong (providing no other damage has been done), and would have all the basic skills to handle life. Our anxiety for children to know certain things at specific ages is an enormous obstacle to trusting and allowing their natural development. When children play, they are the only qualified authors of this magical process. It is rarely too late to acquire knowledge, but often it is dangerously too early and out of harmony with the internal journey of the child." - Naomi Aldort

Easter Yummies

For Easter, we had some people over and I made this:

It's a butternut squash casserole, and it is amazing. (I'll post the recipe at the end if this post.)

And I wore a dress to church today. Because all my pants have holes in them. (Some people wondered why I didn't go shopping for pants when I went shopping the other day. My answer: Because it is going to be shorts weather soon. Duh.) I did not get a picture of me in the dress because I had to take it off so that I could nurse shortly after I got home from church. But Dave said it looked nice. Vernon didn't say anything about how I looked, but he did act like he wanted to have sex with me (which is his way of saying that I look nice).

Here is what Peace looked like today:

And now, the recipe:

Butternut Squash Casserole

• 3 1/2 pounds butternut squash
• 1 large red bell pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 large garlic cloves, minced
• 3 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves
• 1 1/2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary leaves
• freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan (about 2 ounces)
• 4 oz feta cheese

Preheat oven to 400°F. 

Make your husband cut the squash crosswise into 2-inch-thick slices (You could do this, but you're a dork with the knife and your husband makes fun of you every time you use one.) Working with 1 slice at a time, cut side down, cut away peel and seeds and cut squash into 1-inch cubes (about 9 cups). 

In a VERY large bowl stir together squash, bell pepper, oil, garlic, herbs, black pepper, and salt to taste. Transfer mixture to a 2- to 2 1/2-quart gratin dish or other shallow baking dish and sprinkle evenly with Parmesan. 

Bake casserole in middle of oven until squash is tender and top is golden, about 1 hour.

And now, THE BEST PART, top with 4 oz. of feta cheese. It's heavenly!

Lent - Day 40 - The Last One

Yesterday, I went shopping at Sears. I bought these five shirts for $16.96:

I got a Sears card, which gave me a $15 credit, so I actually spent only $1.96 on those five shirts. Here is a picture of one that cost $0.99. Yes, ninety-nine cents, people! That gives me such a hard-on. (I apologize for the way Peace looks in the picture. I obviously care more about how I look than she):

Today, Easter egg hunt:

Lent - Day 39

We dyed Easter eggs today, with friends:

Aren't they beautiful?

Lent - Day 38

For clean children (because it means they spent the day getting dirty):

Gooney Bird Greene

by Lois Lowry
96 pages

There are actually four of these books total, this is the first (the other three are  Gooney the Fabulous, Gooney Bird and the Room Mother, and Gooney Bird the Absurd), and they are all extraordinarily delightful.

Gooney Bird is a funny and confident second-grader who does not get embarrassed. She wears funny outfits and she has funny reasons for everything she does.

Newbury award winning author, Lois Lowry, is a favorite from my childhood (the Anastasia series, anybody?). She writes these Gooney Bird books as wonderfully as she has written anything else. These are also great books to learn things from... in the first one she talks about what it takes to write a stories. In subsequent books, we learned about fables, acting in plays, and poetry. I couldn't recommend Gooney Bird more!

Ocean, age 7, says, "I like that she tells stories and she's really funny."

Ezra, age 4, says, "I like that Gooney Bird puts a suddenly in her stories."