Somebody by the name of Anonymous (who I am assuming is my sister, Andrea) commented on my Parenting Paradox post last week.
Anonymous (Andrea) wrote:
I have tried my best to keep my personal opinions to myself, but I have a question/scenerio (sic) for you to ponder: what happens IF when your children become adults and you have provided them with all of the tools to think for themselves and to make their own choices that they "choose" to live their lives with different views than your own (such as public schools, processed foods, rules, ect.). Are you going to be okay with that? I hope so, otherwise your parenting would be a walking contridiction (sic).
First of all, these questions can apply to anyone, and not necessarily only to myself and my style of parenting. I guess the difference is that I would be a "walking contradiction" because of my expressed views of encouraging free thinking, free will, etc. So, in answer to the question, "Are you going to be okay with that?"... I don't know. Does anybody know if they're going to be "okay" with choices that their kids make that are out of alignment with their own views? Am I going to be okay if my kids turn into drug addicts? (After all, those are views that are different from my own.) Would you be okay if your kids turned into drug addicts?
So, that brings me to a point that I will get into now... I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I am doing stuff that feels right to me. I'm not an expert, nor to I pretend to be one. All I am is a person with a strong opinion about a lot of things. By avoiding processed foods, encouraging children to think for themselves, not letting them watch tv, and keeping stuff like crack, crystal meth, doobies, and LSD out of the house... I just happen to think that I am doing the best that I can for my family. These views are based on a lot of reading, a lot of observation, and a lot of thinking on my part.
Will I be upset if they eat junk food or watch TV when their grown-up? I doubt it. But it is my job as their parent to do what is in the best interest for them NOW. It is my job to get them off to the best start possible. Why would I want any less than that for them? (And, believe it or not, I have yet to see a study that touts the benefits of junk food or television watching for children, so if you find one, please show me.)
And, hopefully, with this type of parenting, my children WILL grow into the best versions of themselves. That's my main objective. But if they don't, they don't. They are on their own journey through life, just like the rest of us. I want to encourage them to find their paths, happily and joyfully, wherever that may be.
It is my path to be this source of encouragement for them.
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5 comments:
I love this: "I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I am doing stuff that feels right to me. I'm not an expert, nor to I pretend to be one." I'll be keeping this close to me, a gentle reminder that I'm human. I make mistakes, but I truly do the best I can.
Right on, Allison.
You don't stock crack or crystal meth at your house? Lame. See if I come over again.
Seriously, though, I don't think it should matter what you speculate NOW about whether you'd be ok with these things or not. Yes, one of your goals is to set your kids up for a healthy life in the future, but right now you should be focused on building the foundation. So in my opinion that was kind of a pointless question for somebody to ask you. Everything you're doing right now is benefiting them now AND later. Why worry about the what-ifs of the future? I think you already know and feel this, but keep doing what you're doing - you're on the right track. Only time will tell if your kids decide to keep up with it.
No matter what type of lifestyle they ultimately choose, they are stronger and healthier thanks to the solid foundation you've started for them.
Yeah, I think the bottom line in that you are trying to keep your kids healthy with a lot of your choices. You are not trying to indoctrinate them into a lifestyle. I think keeping them from eating junk food is completely different from, say, expressing left-wing politics to them. The first is aimed at raising healthy children, whereas the second is aimed at steering your children to have the same opinions as you.
If your kids grow up eating junk food and smoking, you will probably be disappointed just because you'd like them to be healthy, not because they have rejected your lifestyle.
Anyone who brings up her kids in the hopes that they will be just like her is guaranteed to be disappointed. I don't think that's what you are doing.
my sentiments exactly, well except for the crack part. you actually keep it OUT of your house? i must try that...
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