In my post about Dora the other day, my friend Kristin left this comment:
This is good practice for letting go in life - we cannot control what our kids love, and they will grow to resent us in trying. Just like I accept that Alma might grow up to be a fundy Christian or love Disney princesses, all I can do is love her and keep my end of the relationship open.
I tend to lose track of the bigger picture (like Kristin talks about) in times of stress (ahem), and I want to cling close to my ideals in an attempt to feel comfort from them.
I was talking with some friends the other week about what it might be like when our children get older, when they become teenagers. Somebody asked me how I would feel if my kids have sex and drink when they're teenagers (because those are things that I never engaged in as a teen... or now, really).
I don't know how I would feel.
I would like my kids to make good choices. And I guess I feel that the choices I made (not to drink or have sex as a teenager) were good ones, so I would want them to have the same.
Kind of like how they would give birth... Like, what if my daughters wanted to have elective cesareans? I wouldn't think that was the best choice either. But all that I can do (both now and later) is to educate them in making good decisions... about giving birth, drinking, sex, Dora... everything.
And what they do with that is up to them. After which, I'll have to step back, let go, and love them unconditionally no matter what they choose. Right, Kristin?
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1 comment:
Awwww, so sweet that you listened to what I had to say! That makes me feel so special! :)
I think the most profound thing I learned from my parents is how to reframe success as a parent. They entered into their family journey with one goal- to raise godly children with a persona relationship with jesus christ. They created an atmosphere to cultivate that- and it was for the most part a very positive upbringing with lots of love and lots of community and support that would further that goal. However, their children grew up to be a humanist, a buddhist and basically a Tolstoyan. The humanist (me) also went through severe mental illness and lived in a psych ward, another is a habitual yet functional drug user and the third is a mild recluse. And yet my parents are proud of us, love us each dearly and take interest in our lives. I see them several times throughout the week and share Sunday dinners and Holidays and childbirth and everything. They even helped out with Alma while I volunteered for a week at a camp for the children of humanist families (the equivalent of you watching your grandkid, while Ocean, say, went to her job at Burger King.) I mean, it takes amazing people to love me and accept me despite having thrown off the values that they hold most dear, and wanted most for me to share.
To emulate that has become my only goal as a parent. the rest is just details.
Kristin
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