What I mean by this is that when I first hear of something, I just KNOW that it rings true. I don't need statistics. I don't need facts. I don't need proof. My knowing is my proof.
When I was first exposed to homebirth, well before I was even pregnant with my first, I just knew that it made sense. I would go on to read stuff about it, the facts, the statistics, the proof, because it was interesting to me, but never because I needed it.
Vernon is not a knower. When I tell him something, like how I want to have a homebirth, I have to give him proof as to why I want it. The proof has to make sense to him.
When I told him how I didn't want to circumcise, I gave him the book Say No to Circumcision
to read.With vaccines, I took him to a vaccine talk by Dr. Mayer Eisenstein.
And then it starts to make sense to him.
There was once a time when Ocean was around 2-1/2 years old (this was before Vern was a chiropractor and understood about the power of the body to heal itself), she had a very high fever and was very, very, very lethargic. Vern was wondering if we should take her to a doctor. I said, "No, she's fine." Then he started questioning me about at what point I would take her to the doctor. And I said, "I don't know. I'll just know." And he couldn't understand that. He kept asking and asking and asking "at what point?" and I didn't know what to tell him.
It's very hard to explain to people who want facts and proof and all that, when that stuff isn't all that important to me and isn't how I process things. My "knowing" is more important. And that's a hard thing to communicate. (And, ultimately, my "knowing" doesn't really matter to most people.)
And when you get these hot-button topics, like homebirth and vaccines and chiropractic, where people have already formed opinions, it's hard. I want people to have the "knowing" that I have, and they want double-blind controlled studies that I am unable to provide. I mean, yes, I do have resources and facts and stuff about things, but if somebody isn't open to it, it's pretty useless anyway. It's like that saying, "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof will ever be enough."
We could be looking at the same information and I would be saying, "Don't you see? Doesn't it make sense?" And they would say, "No. I feel the other way." And I'd have such a hard time understanding that because my inner knowing is so strong and makes so much sense to me. I think that's why I have so much confidence in the decisions that I make. It's easy to stand behind them 100% because they resonate with the core of my being. They just make sense.
When I had my planned unassisted birth with Peace, most people didn't understand why I would do such a thing. Even among all the crunchies that I hung out with (except for Sarah, she understood). But there was a "knowing" involved with that as well. A knowing that everything would be okay and that was how it was meant to be. And it was.
As are all things. I KNOW this. Everything is okay.
5 comments:
I "know" what you mean by being a knower. I have had the same feelings that can't be explained except that I have just "known". Luckily my husband is very understanding and he trusts and supports me and my ideas that others sometimes disagree strongly with. Do you ever have a hard time drawing the fine line between being a knower and coming across as a know-it-all? I'm sure I've crossed that line without intending to. Just wondering if you have experienced that and how you've handled it. Thanks!
Yes, I do have a hard time drawing that line and I think I do come across as a know-it-all (especially because I'm just so confident about everything). I don't want to come across that way, so I'm working on it. Like I've said in my last couple of posts, about detaching myself from what other people choose to do, trying not to judge, wanting to be accepting and loving toward everybody.
Great post, it's good that you explain this because it helps people understand your perspective. I remember this from philosophy classes, it's called "epistomology" -- the study of knowledge. How do we know what we know?
Your way of "knowing" is basically intuition (see definition below). What is difficult about intuition, as you pointed out, is that it's quite subjective, unable to be seen/analyzed by objectively by others. And sometimes it may contradict what others see as clear evidence.
Personally, I'm more of a skeptic (as you know). For example, many people claim to "know" things, sometimes very wacky things. "I just know it was a ghost." "I know we are meant to be together." "I know David Koresh is a prophet." etc. So I try to use evidence to choose between options. I know I might be wrong at times.
Often, "knowing" with 100% confidence won't get you in trouble, but it can. Sometimes what you "know" turns out over time to be demonstrably false or at least questionable, or you meet people who "know" the opposite by their own intuition, etc. I suppose you'll deal with that as it comes. Life has a way of dealing with overconfidence.
I know the type of person you are so I know this isn't about being arrogant or narrow-minded, it's just what you believe. However, I think it is a virtue to recognize one's limits, to empathize with others and respect their ways of knowing that are different from your own. It's a way of continuing to learn and grow. That's the virtue of humility.
Anyway, great post.
Definition: Intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge without inference or the use of reason.[1] "The word 'intuition' comes from the Latin word 'intueri', which is often roughly translated as meaning 'to look inside'’ or 'to contemplate'."[2] Intuition provides us with beliefs that we cannot necessarily justify. For this reason, it has been the subject of study in psychology, as well as a topic of interest in the supernatural. The "right brain" is popularly associated with intuitive processes such as aesthetic abilities.[3][4][5] Some scientists have contended that intuition is associated with innovation in scientific discovery.[6] Intuition is also a common subject of New Age writings.[7]
I thought of you when I read this magazine article. I don't know you that well, but from what you describe of yourself on your blog it made me think of you. Anyway, thought I'd pass it on. I thought you might find it interesting whether or not you recognize yourself. http://www.bamboofamilymag.com/ page 36 of the current issue, article is called "Mentoring and Parenting Sensitives."
Thanks, Jennifer. I liked the article. Also reminds me of Peace...
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