Processing Birth

I think I'm finally done processing Peace's birth.This sounds weird because I had an amazingly wonderful birth with Peace, yet I needed to process it. I talked about it with anybody who would listen. I talked about it a lot. I thought I had done everything I could to prepare for the birth, and it was harder than I expected. It made me feel kind of like a failure, you know? Blah. Blah. Blah.

But then, during Birth Video Night this past Sunday where I screened Peace's birth for the first time, I realized that I am finally done processing it. For good. I don't need to talk about it anymore. I can't remember how hard it was anymore. I can't remember the difficult time I had in dealing with it afterward. I can't remember anything but how lovely it was and how awesome and wonderful birth is altogether.

And as I was watching my birth video of Peace with my peeps, I realized that I made birth look kind of easy and wonderful. It wasn't like how I had lived it in my head. My friend said something like, "I was expecting something totally different by the way you described it. That was amazing."

Yeah.

I guess that's how birth is.



(This is my blog version of my birth. Despite all that I expose here, you all don't need to see me naked.)

Anyway, all this talk of processing birth got me to wondering how other women process their births. I mean, by all accounts, I did have a perfectly wonderful, natural waterbirth in the comfort of my own home. What about women who don't have an uncomplicated birth?

What about women who equate their births with being raped?

What if you had a doctor who performed vaginal exams without your permission? Or a doctor who genitally mutilated your body in the form of an episiotomy? In any other circumstance in the history of the world, these would be criteria for rape. But in a hospital? What the hell do we consider that? (And by "we", I mean everybody else, because I know what I still consider it.)

There is a loss of control, a loss of power, and a loss of a good birth experience. And that all needs to be addressed. That needs to be processed.

Unfortunately, I don't think that most women are able to talk about the events of birth like I am able to with my friends. I mean, my peeps and I get together to watch birth videos like most people watch sporting events. We clap. We cheer. We share in the experience. We process things together.

I wish every woman had that. Every woman deserves that.

Lent - Day 14

I asked Ezra what I should be thankful for today, and he said, "Me!"

Lent - Day 13

Today is my birthday, and I have so many things to be thankful for.

Let's start with my lunch at Chili's. I love it because they have unlimited chips, soup and salad. It is delicious:

The kids had it too, and it was Peace's first time sitting in a restaurant high chair. Very exciting.

 

I loved it when my family sang happy birthday to me and I blew out the candles on my cake. In the picture, I can't figure out if I'm really THAT excited about blowing out the candles, or if I'm exaggerating my excitement for the kids. I suppose when you become a parent, that line gets kind of intertwined a lot of the time.

I love that Vernon and the kids made me a homemade ice cream cake. It was amazing.

I love the gifts my family gave to me. That is me getting super excited about the gift of a nail clipper (and this I know I was not exaggerating about. I really wanted some new fingernail clippers!), and with the Huggermugger board game (a classic from my childhood).

I love my daughter Ocean and the birthday notes she wrote for me. She is the one of most caring, empathetic people I know.  She has such an amazing heart and I am so happy that she is a part of my life.

As a birthday tradition, in between pregnancies and babies, I like to go roller skating on my birthday. I've been doing this since I was 21. (Yes, that is how I spent my 21st birthday. Shut up.) I am 33 now. I like to go rollerskating because it makes me feel young (not that I needed another reason to feel young, I do a pretty good job of that already). I wasn't even a super good rollerskater as a kid (although I somehow managed to win a lot of the limbo contests because I could squat down on my skates and stick one leg out in front of me so I could get under the pole), but I just like it. I like gliding across the floor. I like the roller rink music. It is fun.

 

Yep, I have a lot to be thankful for this birthday. It was a good one.

Lent - Day 12

I'm thankful when 40 degrees feels so warm.

Ocean saw the grass peeking through and wanted to water it:

 

Now, the following is a picture I wasn't sure if I should post because I don't want Vernon to get mad at me. See, as you will notice in the picture, Ezra has his shoes off. In 40 degree weather. (He started out with them on, but then he took them off because he was enjoying the weather.)

Vernon is concerned with what other people will think about this. 

See, oftentimes during the winter, my kids will wear shoes without socks. I don't care about this because we're just running from building to car to building again and I don't think it's a big deal at all.

Well, the other week at Sunday School (which the kids go to on Saturday at 4:00 pm, but I still refer to it as Sunday School), Ezra got some hand-me-down clothes from somebody he goes to Sunday School with. Thrown in there with the hand-me-downs were packages of new socks for both Ocean and Ezra. Which they don't need because they already have 1,543 pairs of socks already. 

Now, combine this with the fact that last winter, another family at our church (who, again, we don't know personally) bought a pair of new boots for my daughter, new shoes for my son, and a $40 gift certificate to Kohl's for Vernon and myself. Apparently we look like the type of people who need to have stuff bought for us (which we don't). So, you can understand why Vernon feels embarrassed about this.

Just the other week during church, I noticed that I was wearing my pair of pants with the holes in the knees. I said to Vernon, "Oops, I didn't realize I was wearing these," pointing to the holes. And Vernon said, "You're just trying to get someone to give you a free pair of pants." Ha ha ha.

Sometimes, I think Vernon wishes we were the type of family who looked like this, instead of the type of family who doesn't wear socks and wears jeans with holes in them to church.

So, anyway, here is the picture:

And here's what Peace and I look like when we go outside:

And here's another picture from today, just because:





















P.S. Tomorrow is my birthday. So, if anybody wants to get me something, please get me this.

Lent - Day 11

I like watching my son learning how to read:

 

He usually doesn't point at the words, but he is in this picture:

And this is pretty cute:

And this is the look that says, "What does this word say?" I like this look: