There is this parenting philosophy that I subscribe to called Unconditional Parenting
. It's based on this book by Alfie Kohn where the idea is to NOT use punishment OR positive reinforcement with our children, but to love them unconditionally. What? A parenting style WITHOUT positive reinforcement or praise? Well, the thought is that positive reinforcement teaches children that they are loved, and lovable, only when they do whatever we decide is a “good job.” Here, read this article real quick, and then come back here to rejoin my discussion.
Done? That was a good article, right?
So, anyway, that is what I've always tried to practice with my children.
But, it occurred to me recently, after reading my sister's comment to my Douche Bag post, that I am not practicing unconditional love with my mother.
It got me to thinking about Jesus and how He loves each and every one of us unconditionally. Would He be there for someone when they are having an abortion? You bet to high heaven He would be. He would be there holding your hand, giving of Himself, like He has done for all of us time and time again. Jesus would be there for us in every way, at any time that we need Him.
So, that is what I should do for my mother. I should be like Jesus and I be there for her unconditionally. I should be there for her when she has her (figurative) abortion / gallbladder surgery. It's the least I can do. At least I don't have to go die on a cross or anything.
I have learned a couple of lessons in boundaries in having this blog so far, which normal people probably would have realized from the beginning:
1) It's mean to call someone a douche bag.
2) Certain people's husbands might not want them writing about what type of lubrication they're using when they're having sex. I'm just saying.
5 comments:
But, SHOULD you love your mother unconditionally?
As a parent, it's sort of our JOB to practice "unconditional parenting" (although I never actually had heard of this!...nice article!), but is the same necessarily true of our children?
Shouldn't they feel that unconditional impulse to love us (their parents) BECAUSE we did such an GOOD unconditional job with them? If we fail at that in some way...even a minor way, doesn't that make it so the child holds no unconditional value towards us?
in your defense, you did say you like douchebags a few blogs back;)
ps: i liked the article a lot.
my parents raised me this way and they're still two of my best friends. i am always about people loving their children regardless. if that's too much of a hassle then people shouldn't have them.
and as for your mom, i agree. even though i wouldn't be on page with someone taking out an organ without doing their best to make healthy life choices first, i'd still help them out if they needed me and we were close.
i think it's great you're doing the same.
Nicely said. This is exactly what I "sort of did" with my mom. The best advice I got was from a Christian brother that told me to view my mother as an infant. When I do that its impossible not to love unconditionally. We have little expectation of an infant. They are needy and mostly of just LOVE.
AND...isn't it so awesome that Jesus died for our "abortions" so that we may receive the unconditional love we do and most of all eternal life? YAY for Jesus
Sarah J
We are unconditional parents here in our house. But I do not dish out unconditional love to all people. I would severely criticize and even punish someone who would do something horrible to my daughter, for example. People who orchestrate genocide, torture, mass suffering, are hard for me to love, or not want to punish, ya know? And since I do not believe there is sufficient evidence for any kind of 'cosmic' justice, or eternal life of bliss/punishment, I am a bit more keen on systems of justice in THIS world. As for Jesus being unconditional- lets not forget what he thinks of capitalists in the temple! ;)
This is Kristin, by the way, in case you could not guess . ;) Great post
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