How to Make Kefir

Making kefir is just about the easiest thing anyone on the face of the planet can do. The hardest part is going to be obtaining the kefir starting grains in the first place (they are not really a grain at all even... they're just some kind of cultured cauliflower-brain-looking bacteria). Actually, it's really easy to get kefir grains if you know somebody who has them. Then, you just mooch some off of them and, since the kefir grains multiply faster than a couple of horny rabbits, you can then pass them on to some more people, and so on and so forth. It's an endless cycle of rich, probiotic, goodness.

If, however, you are new to the scene and nobody in your circle of friends has even uttered the word "kefir" (without reference to Mr. Sutherland), then you'll need to order some. So, go here to order some (which will obviously be more expensive than getting them for free, but, what are you going to do?).

Okay. Before I go on with instructions on how to make your very own kefir, I want to explain a little bit why you need it. Kefir is an extraordinary probiotic. It's going to do wonders with your digestive system, as well as strengthen your immune system, regulate your cholesterol, and a bunch of other good stuff. And making it yourself is so much better than buying that pre-packaged stuff at the co-op (which is pasteurized and has a bunch of other not-so-great ingredients added to it).

Instructions:

1. Put the kefir grains in a quart-size mason jar.
2. Fill the jar with raw milk (please only use raw milk... pasteurized milk is CRAP and not meant for human consumption), leaving some room at the top for fermentation.
   
3. Let jar sit for awhile. The time on this will vary. It will take less time to ferment in the summer (maybe 24 hours or less) and longer in the winter (maybe around 36-48 hours). Let the milk sit out? For a day? Or more? Yes, it does seem weird, but, trust me... IT'S OKAY! >
4. Check your kefir to see if it's ready. It will smell sour, taste a little sour, and may have even thickened up a little bit. The longer you leave it out, the more sour it will become. Sometimes it will start to get kind of chunky, and that's okay too. Don't worry, there is really no way to screw this up. Kefir is very forgiving.
   
5. Fish the kefir grains out with a spoon and put them in a second mason jar. Add new milk to the new jar, and put the first jar into the fridge, shake up, and drink it whenever. Kefir is great in smoothies.

Oh, and remember, your kefir grains will multiply. So, feel free to pass the kefir-love onto your family and friends (if they don't think you've gone off the deep-end by now). Good luck!