The Knowing

I am a knower.

What I mean by this is that when I first hear of something, I just KNOW that it rings true. I don't need statistics. I don't need facts. I don't need proof. My knowing is my proof.

When I was first exposed to homebirth, well before I was even pregnant with my first, I just knew that it made sense. I would go on to read stuff about it, the facts, the statistics, the proof, because it was interesting to me, but never because I needed it.

Vernon is not a knower. When I tell him something, like how I want to have a homebirth, I have to give him proof as to why I want it. The proof has to make sense to him.

When I told him how I didn't want to circumcise, I gave him the book Say No to Circumcision to read.

With vaccines, I took him to a vaccine talk by Dr. Mayer Eisenstein.

And then it starts to make sense to him.

There was once a time when Ocean was around 2-1/2 years old (this was before Vern was a chiropractor and understood about the power of the body to heal itself), she had a very high fever and was very, very, very lethargic. Vern was wondering if we should take her to a doctor. I said, "No, she's fine." Then he started questioning me about at what point I would take her to the doctor. And I said, "I don't know. I'll just know." And he couldn't understand that. He kept asking and asking and asking "at what point?" and I didn't know what to tell him.

It's very hard to explain to people who want facts and proof and all that, when that stuff isn't all that important to me and isn't how I process things. My "knowing" is more important. And that's a hard thing to communicate. (And, ultimately, my "knowing" doesn't really matter to most people.)

And when you get these hot-button topics, like homebirth and vaccines and chiropractic, where people have already formed opinions, it's hard. I want people to have the "knowing" that I have, and they want double-blind controlled studies that I am unable to provide. I mean, yes, I do have resources and facts and stuff about things, but if somebody isn't open to it, it's pretty useless anyway. It's like that saying, "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof will ever be enough."

We could be looking at the same information and I would be saying, "Don't you see? Doesn't it make sense?" And they would say, "No. I feel the other way." And I'd have such a hard time understanding that because my inner knowing is so strong and makes so much sense to me. I think that's why I have so much confidence in the decisions that I make. It's easy to stand behind them 100% because they resonate with the core of my being. They just make sense.

When I had my planned unassisted birth with Peace, most people didn't understand why I would do such a thing. Even among all the crunchies that I hung out with (except for Sarah, she understood). But there was a "knowing" involved with that as well. A knowing that everything would be okay and that was how it was meant to be. And it was.

As are all things. I KNOW this. Everything is okay.

Goodbye Anonymous-es

You all probably haven't been keeping up with this, but in the comment section of what I thought was an innocuous post titled Do Nothing, somebody has taken issue with me (once again).

Here's an excerpt:

It's amazing how many parents I already know that have this "Do Nothing" phyilosophy (sic) about their kids and parenting. These are the parents that collect a welfare check every month, their kids don't have decent hygiene because there isn't anyone holding them responsible for it, and these are the kids that get labeled as "special ed" because they (and their parents) have never expected them to do anything more than what they feel like doing. Imagine more of the world that could be opened up for these children if there was someone giving them priorities, responsibilities, and goals to reach--helping to make them well-rounded individuals. It doesn't need to be "helicopter parenting", it just needs to be parenting. By doing nothing and letting children explore life and it's milestones on their own, they ARE being limited. They may not even realize the possibilites (sic) out there that they would truly enjoy and thrive at doing. As parents, it is our job to not sit back totally, but to take an active role so that our children can strive, meet their fullest potentional (sic), enjoy life, and also be happy. 

And also:

You're not limiting them now. Just when they are adults with little to no education and have limited opportunities to get a job that pays over minimum wage. 

What the heck? All I was doing was making what I viewed as an insightful thought relating to MY life. I was in no way judging other people or what they were doing. Remember... I'm trying really hard not to care what other people are doing!

And this was the reason I stopped writing for awhile... because I wanted to avoid all this bad mojo from people. I don't want all this negativity. I want to fill the world with love and peace and unicorns and rainbows.

So, it has come to this...

I am removing the feature from the comment section that allows people to comment anonymously. I know, I know, this should have been done a long time ago. But I thought by having it there, it gave greater access for people to post more easily. (Now, some of you may not be able to post at all without this feature). And, also, I did enjoy the following of my ALL-CAPS ANONYMOUS poster. He was lovely, whoever he was (I never did figure that out).

So, goodbye, all of you anonymous-es out there. This is for the best. I'm going to keep the rainbows and unicorns dancing in my head. Please direct all of your negative energy elsewhere. Thank you.

Events, AIDS, and Friends

So, remember when I was talking about all these social events that I was creating for myself? I think, in a way, I'm doing it as a way to see my friends more. See, with school coming up, I don't see the friends that I hang out with at playgroups all summer as much. We go our separate ways a bit more during the school year, and I miss seeing them on a regular basis.

See, with stay-at-home parenting, going to playgroups and seeing the same people on a regular basis is developing relationships like you'd have if you worked and saw them on the job everyday. It's about creating community and a sense of belonging somewhere, because, oftentimes, parenthood can be a very isolating experience.

SIDENOTE: Vernon has experienced this sense of isolation in opening up his own business and working for himself. He doesn't work with anybody. He gets lonely. But for the past couple of months he has been volunteering every Tuesday for The Aliveness Project (a local organization that helps people with AIDS). We visited him there the other week for the first time, and he was introducing us to all the people he worked with... and he seemed very happy and a part of things. And then, that same week, we went to a picnic that the organization had, and Ocean played Four Square, Ezra hit a pinata, and we all played Bingo.

ADDITIONAL SIDENOTE ABOUT THE SIDENOTE: I won't name any names, but I have a couple of friends (it's Jen and Sally, everybody, Jen and Sally), who are skeptical about the field of chiropractic. But now I can say to them, "My husband helps people with AIDS. And they feel better after seeing him. You can't tell me that chiropractic only works for back pain. He helps people with AIDS!" Because, that's right, I'm using people with AIDS as a means to win arguments with my friends. I'm a good person.

END OF SIDENOTES AND BACK TO ORIGINAL THOUGHT: I have one friend who shall remain nameless (it's Kelly, everybody, it's Kelly) who I hardly see anymore and I miss her. But with kids growing up and growing out of the playgroup stage (especially growing out of the indoor playgroup places in the winter), it gets harder to see the people I used to see on a regular basis.

Which is why I need to create these events.

That's the idea anyway.

Why I Have More in Common with Tina Fey Than You Do

Tina Fey and I really should be best friends, we really should. You all think you should be best friends with Tina Fey, but you are wrong. She should be my best friend because of this:

On page 221 of her book Bossypants, she writes THE joke. That's right... you know the one. (Apparently that is not a joke native to Blue Valentine. It's an actual, real-life joke that people tell one another! People like me and Tina Fey! Jealous?)

Here is how she tells THE joke, as seen on page 221 of her book:

A pedophile walks through the woods with a child. The child says, "These woods are scary." The pedophile says, "Tell me about it. I have to walk back through here alone."

Granted, unlike me who says, "This is the funniest joke ever!" Tina prefaced the joke with, "An example of a truly rough joke would be this:" But, whatever. We're besties now! (Here's another excerpt from her book that all of you mama-types will find especially poignant... showing that Tina, like me, has a soft side despite our fiercely awesome and inappropriate sense of humor.)

Also, a side note on all this, my husband is now reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants. That's right... I have an awesome husband who reads Tina Fey books because he really is THAT cool.

Suckers.

Big Plans, Big Plans

I've been really into organizing events this month.

There's Birth Video Night this Friday (which was actually my friend Jen's idea, but she wanted my help with organizing it because I'm good at strong-arming people into showing their birth videos). We've been doing these Birth Video Nights for a couple years now, and they are a wonderful flow of oxytocin and togetherness for all of us birth junkies. You should consider organizing them in your area, if you haven't already.

Another thing you should consider organizing are Adult Playdates. Except don't call them "Adult Playdates" because people will make fun the name because it sounds perverted (because anything with the word "Adult" in it sounds perverted now-a-days, so they tell me). So then you'll have to change the name to "Grown Up Fun Times", which, depending on the state of your mind, could sound equally perverted (in which case, you could make ANYTHING sound perverted, even innocent phrases like "telescope" and "your grandma's washing machine".) So, I organized the first Grown Up Fun Time for September. We'll be going rollerskating, where we can act like kids again and forget that in our real lives we have kids who cry when you flush the toilet after you go to the bathroom (because SHE wanted to do it, so you have to pretend to go to the bathroom all over again just so she can flush it), and mortgages and car insurance and grocery bills and all the rest of it.

And the last of my party planning events is this Boobs and Brinner photography thing. Basically, it's a 3 hour event where nursing moms come together, bring a dish to share, and have a nursing pictures taken (by yours truly) for a fraction of the cost ($25) of a normal session. (I got the idea from this website.)

So, all this equates to is: Allison Is Getting a Life. Yes, that's right. I'm creating events that I enjoy doing (watching birth videos, acting like a kid, photography) so that I can get the most of my life. Things outside of parenting and meal preparation and not flushing the toilet so my daughter can flush it. Not that all that stuff isn't wonderful and all (because it is, I love that part of my life too. I'm happy, remember!)... but having these other events helps with keeping balance and equilibrium in my life. (Which also fits into my equation for happiness.)